Cheat, Forgive, Reconcile Or Bounce

by Yvonne Chase on July 19, 2016

Reconciliation
At the end of 2015, December 31st, the last year of the day to be exact, I wrote this post about a horrible happening that I needed to forget. Back in 2014, I wrote this post about forgiveness; specifically, the Forgiveness Trap that has many stuck in bad relationships.  Tonight on Twitter, one of my followers shared the following statement; “I believe God wants us to forgive our spouses even if they cheat” and that led to an entire thread about reconciliation.  My response to her statement was, “But does that mean you have to stay? You can forgive and bounce can’t you?”

Healing Past Hurts
Last month I started my six-month journey of being Under Construction as I mentioned here.  One of the chapters in the book I’m reading throughout this process focuses on healing our past hurts through forgiveness and reconciliation. The author starts off by saying, “In order to be happily married, you must become happily single.  You have to become, “Me” before you can successfully become, “We.” Furthermore, no matter who we marry, Jesus must continue to be the lover of our soul.  If we are looking to another human to meet needs that only God can fulfill, we will be utterly disappointed.”

Require Specific Healing
She continued, “While you’re dealing with the past and the present, you may discover that there are certain areas of your life that require specific healing. If so, that should happen before your wedding day.  If the spirits of anger, bitterness, revenge, self-pity and fear have attached themselves to your life, you will inevitably attract a person with similar spiritual problems.  A godly man who has worked to be free of his past bondage will be turned off when he meets you.” Of course the verses in Matthew 6:14, 15 were quoted,

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Acting As If It Never Happened
The second step toward healing is reconciliation and that is what made me think of the horrible happening.  As I reflect on it all, I was led to the verse in Matthew 5:23 which says, 

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First, go and be reconciled to your brother, then go and offer your gift.

Unforgiveness Hurts Me
Reading this chapter gave me clarity around all that has happened and all I have vowed to forget. Have I forgotten it all? Absolutely not; however, that is the goal, to forget it all.  I need more time.  I may never forget it all, not because I don’t want to but because some things apart from a move of God are extremely hard to forget.  Have I forgiven it all? Absolutely! Unforgiveness hurts me not them.  I was intentional about forgiving because unforgiveness costs too much. Had I not forgiven it all, I wouldn’t be experiencing something so beautiful in my life that led to this transformative process of being Under Construction which has knit me even closer in my relationship with God.  

cheat
Moving On Is Best
As I come back to the original statement on Twitter, I’m reminded of a couple who after seeking pastoral counsel separated because of infidelity on the husband’s part.  Steps were taken towards reconciling the marriage but the verbal and emotional abuse were too much for the wife.  Our pastor supported her move to divorce.  After a time of healing, she remarried a wonderful man of God and they are still going strong fifteen years later.  Sometimes reconciliation is possible while other times, moving on is best for everyone involved.

Something to think about…

What say you? What are your thoughts on forgiveness and reconciliation?

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