Owning A House Doesn’t Make You A Great Husband

by Yvonne Chase on January 21, 2015

The End Of His Marriage
A few weeks ago on Twitter,  I had a conversation with one of my followers about the end of his marriage. Here’s how the conversation went down when I asked why his marriage ended;

Him: “Still to this day I couldn’t tell you why my ex left.  She just packed up and was gone one day.  She didn’t want the marriage and I don’t keep people where they don’t want to be kept.”  

Me: That’s so weird.  Was it a good marriage? Did you have any indication she would leave so abruptly?

Him: Very weird.  I thought it was.  Had a home for her, cooked, cleaned and helped her get her Bachelors degree.  Don’t know.  Nothing that would make her just leave. We had little fights here and there but I think she treated it like a relationship not a marriage.  

Me: Perhaps that wasn’t enough for her.  Have you given that any thought? Some men think that’s all women want/need. Some men think once they do their manly duties of providing, they’ve done their “job.”

Him: It was all now almost three years ago.  She has a child now from some other guy.  I’m better than ever in every area of my life.  I’m good.

Me: I’m sure you’re good I was just curious about your response that’s all.  Might be something you want to think about or not for the next time around if you remarry. Like I said, some men think having a degree or multiple degrees, a career and a home are enough for a woman. For some it is. For others its not. Some men are driven by provision. They acquire all of the things they think women want w/out working on the other stuff like intimacy not sex, being emotionally available etc. Have you taken any responsibility? Do you see where you could have said and done something different or is it solely her fault?

Him: 90% of it I honestly feel is her fault. Men feel like that, because that’s what our parents & grandparents told us to do.  You get your degrees, get a job, get a home, go get the wife you want & take care of her. I don’t really see what more she would have wanted.  The Sex was AMAZING! Marriage sex was so amazing because it’s pure, no regrets in it, and I am very sexual & put a lot into sex.  If I could have done anything more, maybe get down to the real reasons of her wanting to leave. It all happened so fast.

The Sex Is Amazing
Lots of men think like him; we have house, I provide financial stability, I have an education and a couple of degrees and a working penis equals she should be happy. Oh, and the sex is amazing! To whom? Maybe it wasn’t for her. Culture has a lot to do with this way of thinking too.  My Caribbean culture stresses the importance of a man having a good job, a home and a degree before he marries.  Those things make you a good husband.  Oh and you better take care of your kids.  It doesn’t stress much of the other things that are equally important to women.  Back to the convo…

Me: Men are taught to do those things and there’s nothing wrong with that however, I believe men need to be taught other things like intimacy, connecting with a woman non-sexually.  Understanding what a woman needs.  That varies for each woman

Him: Hmmmm…I see…I see

Me: A lot of men think being a good husband equals great sex, bringing home a paycheck and providing a home.  

Him: So that doesn’t make a good husband?

Me: It makes a basic husband.  

Most Women Need More
There is so much more to being a good man and husband. Those things are important, don’t get me wrong however. most women need more.  In his book His Needs, Her Needs, author William F. Harley Jr lists the top five important needs of a wife:

Plenty Of Fools Own A House
If your spouse just ups and leaves without warning, clearly something…a lot ain’t right.  Looking at that list and reflecting on our conversation, the only need he met was Financial Stability.  Based on this gentleman’s tweets, his entire identity seems to be attached to his house, car and degrees.  His timeline tells me he thinks that’s enough.  He thinks those things make him a great catch.  In the words of a colleague, “Plenty of fools own a house. Doesn’t make you a great husband!” 

Something to think about…

What say you? What makes a good husband? Does the list above resonate with you? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

 1.  Leave a comment below

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