Sick And Pathetic
Every week, I tell myself I’m not going to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Why? Because I can’t stand to see black women being so mean to each other.  They seem to enjoy cutting each other down.  It grates my soul and hurts my heart.  I also say I’m not going to watch anymore because I know black women who delight in being mean to other black women and take their cues from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  Sick and pathetic!

Confront Mama Joyce
Be that as it may, I tuned in this past Sunday and zeroed in on the relationship between Kandi, her husband Todd and his mother Sharon who recently passed away.  The three of them got together to talk about how rude and disrespectful Kandi’s mother, Mama Joyce was to Sharon and how rude and disrespectful she’s been to Todd and their marriage.  What got underneath my skin is how fiercely Kandi defends her mother even when she’s wrong.  Todd challenged Kandi to confront Mama Joyce about her horrible behavior yet Kandi continued to defend her to no end.  

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Marriage Is Between A Husband And Wife
As I watched the exchange between them, I was reminded of the late Dr. Myles Munroe who had a few great things to say about marriage and the family you get when you marry.  Dr. Myles Munroe and I share the same thoughts and beliefs around extended family and marriage.  Sure you marry your husband however; his family and your family have to be invited into your new family.  There are now three families; the husbands’ family, the wife’s family and the husband and wife’s new family.  You and he get to decide who becomes a part of your new family.  It’s not automatic.  Marriage is between a husband and wife not husband, wife, his mother, her mother and whosoever will.

Love Has Nothing To Do With It
Kandi keeps talking about how much she loves her mother as the reason for defending her and not putting her in her place.  I’d like Kandi to know that she can love her mother and put her in her place.  She can love her mother and tell her to stay out of her marriage.  She can love her mother and tell her to treat the people that are important to her and Todd with kindness and respect.   Love has nothing to do with it.  Kandi needs to be introduced to Genesis 2:24 which says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.”  The verse applies to women as well.  

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Leave The Parent Child Relationship
Kandi needs to leave the parent child relationship and Mama Joyce needs to let her leave that relationship.  It’s no longer the primary relationship.  Her marital relationship with Todd is now primary and they are to cleave to each other.  There should be no closer relationship than the relationship she has with Todd.  All other relationships take a backseat to their marriage.  I like how one author puts it; “When the meddling of a parent violates the “leaving” because it is treating the parent-child relationship as primary (demanding obedience, dependence, or emotional oneness over the desires of, dependence upon, or oneness with the spouse), it should be respectfully rejected and the spouse’s desires honored.” Let the church say a loud AMEN!! 

Something to think about…

What say you? Did you watch the episode? What do you think about the relationship between Kandi and her mother? How do you deal with your in laws? 

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