10 Love Lessons From Married At First Sight

by Yvonne Chase on September 10, 2014

Choose Each Other
It was decision time last night on the season finale of Married At First Sight.  Did you watch? Let me give you a quick back story.  The extreme social experiment documented the lives of three couples who met at the altar, said I do and spent five weeks as husband and wife. A panel of four experts chose them for each other and now it was their turn to choose each other and stay married or divorce. From the very beginning, even with all of her dramatics and Samsonite Collection, I knew my favorite couple Jamie Otis and Doug Hehner would make it.

sight

Fear Of Getting Hurt
My second favorite couple who also made it was Cortney Hendrix and Jason Carrion.  I was nervous for them during the finale because I thought Jason was going to cave in to his fear of getting hurt.  So glad he felt the fear and decided to stay married. He’s in great hands with Cortney.

sight

Filed For Divorce
And finally there’s Monet Bell and Vaughn Copeland who filed for divorce.  I saw this coming.  If they stayed married, I believe it would’ve ended in divorce anyway because they were not on the same page at all.  Below are ten lessons I picked up in season one…

sight

1.  You cannot live life afraid.  You will miss out on everything.  Jamie almost missed out on a great guy because of her fears.  Doug has the patience of Job which he needs with Jamie.  She was afraid she would get hurt if she divulged the gory details of her past.  She felt the fear and divulged the details anyway.  Doug could care less about the trailer park she grew up in.  His response was, “Home is not where you live.  Its the people in it.”

2.  Don’t go into a relationship thinking you’re going to get hurt.  Those wise words came from Doug Hehner.  I couldn’t agree more.  Thinking you’re going to get hurt immediately puts you on the defense and everything goes down hill from there.  Jamie and Jason both feared being hurt.  It took Jason a while to let his guard down with Cortney.  He realized it was the only sensible thing to do if he wants to have a great marriage.   Smart guy!

3.  You have to let go of your past to have a great future. Its imperative.  Jamie and Doug and Jason and Cortney have a chance at a great future with each other because they made a conscious choice to let go of the past. I hope Jamie can continue to let go of her past otherwise she will screw up the good thing she has with Doug.  Jamie, please do not bring up that cigarette scenario ever again!

4.  Just because someone doesn’t match the expectations in your head, doesn’t mean it can’t work.  When Jamie first saw Doug, she cried and thought she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.  She had a different expectation.  Thank God she let go of the expectations in her head. The experts got it right with her and Doug.

5.  You have to take chances in life and in love.  Each of these couples took a huge chance when they signed up to marry a total stranger.  We never know what’s in store until we step out and find out.  Saw a tweet earlier this week that speaks my heart; I’d rather live a life of “Oh well” than “Wish I woulda!”  Even though Monet and Vaughn didn’t make it, I’m sure they are better people after taking this chance.

6.  Either you’re all in or all out.  You can’t have one leg in and one leg out if you want to have a great relationship.  Jason was trying to do the one leg in one leg out dance to protect himself and Cortney was getting frustrated with him. They were finally able to make progress once he dropped his guard and decided to be all in. 

7.  Trust is a decision.  Jamie had major trust issues and Jason didn’t trust Cortney wouldn’t hurt him.  Trust is a decision we have to make day in and day out.  Once these couples decided to trust each other, their relationships reached new heights and led them to the decision to stay married.  You can’t have a relationship without trust.

8. Great sex will not make a marriage work.  Monet and Vaughn had a great sex life.  She said, “If marriage was just about sex, we’re good.  No problems in that area” yet they could not get on the same page to make their marriage work.  Great sex is not enough!

9.  The right relationship will challenge you.  Intimate relationships shine a bright light on our weaknesses and areas where we could do better and be better.  Its up to us to accept the challenge or choose to remain the same.

10.  Start from scratch together.  All of the participants in this social experiment had their own living space prior to marriage.  The two couples that made it decided to give up their individual places and get a new place together. Vaughn and Monet didn’t.  He moved in to her place and I believe that was the beginning of their end.  She was concerned that he would resent her because he gave up so much to be with her and she did not want to give up her Harlem digs.

Twenty Room Mansion Perched On A Hill
After dashing home week after week to watch this experiment, my views on how I want to do marriage are confirmed.  Living together is a no-no.  Sex before marriage is a definite no-no and we’re definitely starting from scratch in our new place unless he lives in a twenty room mansion perched on a hill:-) And yes, I would totally marry at first sight.  Would you?

Something to think about?

What say you? Did you watch Married At First Sight? What did you think about the social experiment?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

 1.  Leave a comment below

 2.  Share this post if you like it

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

AwesomelyOZ September 16, 2014

Ha that great sex isn’t enough statement is so true – like everything else, it takes time to have the right chemistry and synchronize. It’s important to be patient indeed and trust takes time, it is a choice that you have to actively make everyday. You know my partner decided two weeks ago to go to Thailand and he’s there right now – it bothers me and it’s not that I don’t trust him it’s that I’m not sure what led him to randomly (2 weeks notice to me feels random for such a venture) decide to go but I feel something isn’t being disclosed to me – either way, #9, #9, #9.. Have a great one Yvonne! -Iva
AwesomelyOZ recently posted…GTFO: Boobies Block PainMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase September 16, 2014

@Iva,

Its a bit odd that your partner decided to abruptly go to Thailand for two weeks. What’s in Thailand? Why didn’t he tell you in advance? Two weeks notice to you is abrupt. Thailand isn’t exactly around the corner. I hope he has good reason for his actions. I’d be a bit unnerved…Looks like your trust is being tested. Hang in there…
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Forgive You Doesn’t Mean I Have To Stay With YouMy Profile

Reply

Mrs. AOK September 16, 2014

I did not watch this show, it seems interesting. I cannot even imagine marrying someone I just met, but hey to each their own 🙂
A negative mind is never productive. I think your advice here is golden, don’t go in thinking about what if.
I wrote a post about my thoughts on marriage, and how I chose to drop the negativity. That choice has proven to be the best thing I EVER did for our marriage.

XOXO

Reply

Yvonne Chase September 16, 2014

@Mrs AOK,

We can’t get positive if we think negative, talk negative and act negative. Good for you for dropping the negativity. I know its the BEST thing you ever did for your marriage.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Forgive You Doesn’t Mean I Have To Stay With YouMy Profile

Reply

Yulunda September 26, 2014

I did have an opportunity to watch a few episodes of this show and can I tell you that Monet and Vaughn stressed me out. It seems that he had more of a desire to try to make things work, but like I said, I only watched a little.

I’ve been married 15 years and since having these babies honey, finding the time is a challenge. Yet, we are happy and giggle about it. When we can get it in, we most certainly do! LOL

Yes, we must decide to trust and let go of all of the past hurts and experiences. Once we decide to get in a relationship, we must go all in, just like poker (I’m a Vegas girl ya know) 🙂

Great job and Have a Wonderful Weekend!

Yulunda
Yulunda recently posted…A Note on Peace, Love & HappinessMy Profile

Reply

Yvonne Chase September 29, 2014

@Yulunda,

I was discussing this show with a girlfriend recently and she agrees with you. Vaughn did seem to have more of a desire to make it work. I saw that in him. I wish divorce wasn’t an option for them. Five weeks is not enough time to work on communication and come to a deep understanding of each others needs. To me, that was the disconnect between Vaughn and Monet. If they had more time to work on their communication and really understand each others Love Language and how to speak it, they would’ve made it just like the other couples.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Holding Out Until Marriage Does Not Guarantee A Great MarriageMy Profile

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 2 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: