Ask Coach Yvonne: Should I Keep In Touch?

by Yvonne Chase on January 24, 2013

Dear Coach Yvonne,
My ex and I had a horrible break up recently and I don’t know what to do about his family.  His sister and I were very cool and I really enjoy my friendship with her but I’m thinking of cutting her off because of my break up with him.  I don’t know if our friendship can still work.  I’m torn because she is still interested in our friendship.  What should I do? Should I stay in touch with his sister and keep our friendship in spite of her brother? Kim in Baltimore

Dear Kim in Baltimore,
Sorry to hear about your horrible break up.  I wish you well in working out the pieces and getting over it.  Now about your ex’s sister; I’ve been in your shoes and here is what I did.  I was torn just like you are about whether I should keep in touch with my ex’s aunt.  We were extremely close while he was in my life.  After ignoring her phone calls and emails for a season, I finally had an honest, grown up heart-to-heart conversation with her to hear her thoughts and feelings about it.

Thick as Thieves
So many things went down with him and me that I didn’t trust her; not because she did anything untrustworthy but because many times, our first allegiance is always to our families.  We talked the whole thing out and continued being thick as thieves for many years following the break up.  We were like best girlfriends.

No Should Here
While our friendship has waned some ten years later, every now and then she’ll send an email, give me a call or send a friendly text to touch base and say hello.  So, as a living testimony to you, it can work if you want it to work.  Take some time away from it all then be 100% honest with his sister about your feelings and see where it all goes from there.  Know that you don’t have to participate in any friendship that doesn’t feel right for you.  There’s no should here.  You’re no longer obligated to his family or that friendship.

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you kept in touch with the family of an ex? How did that work for you? What would you say to Kim?

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