You Have To Live With Who He Is
“Well at least he’s not this…and at least he’s not that…he could be a whole lot worse. He could be this or that but he’s not!” We’ve all either said a variation of the above or we’ve heard women say a variation of the above about the man they’re dating to justify the relationship. Great that he’s not any of those things but who is he? Do you like who he is? Who he is is much more important than who he’s not. You have to live with who he is day in and day out not who he’s not. So, who is he? And is who he is enough for you?
Well At Least He’s Not
Over the weekend I had a conversation with a girlfriend about her man. She kept going on about all the valid things that unnerved her about him then finished off her tirade with, “Well at least he’s not…” Because she is so focused on who he’s not, she’s choosing to overlook who he is even though she’s annoyed by it. Who he is, grates her nerves. He’s not who she really wants. She wants a man’s man. He’s not a man’s man. She wants a leader. He’s not a leader. She wants someone that steps up and makes decisions. He’s not that guy. She wants a man that’s a bit more advanced in his life and career. That’s not who he is. Nothing wrong with who he is, he’s just not who she really wants. So that kind of thinking may look like this; well at least he doesn’t steal, kill and abuse alcohol but he’s beyond lazy, doesn’t keep his word and always has a lame excuse. Do you like who he is? That’s not her guy by the way, I just used those examples to show you how this line of thinking works.
Not The Best Match
As I see my girlfriend’s relationship, she will be the one running the show even though she doesn’t want to because he is not a run the show kinda guy. The last few men in her life were all the things her new guy isn’t so she uses that to justify the new guy. If she were to look at who he is instead of what he’s not, she would quickly see that while he is a nice guy, they are not the best match for each other. Because he realizes he’s not the person she really wants, he’s always saying and doing something to overcompensate which ends up annoying her to no end. Its all a mess! I see this way of thinking happening a lot in Christian singles circles because the pickings of good Christian men who love the Lord are slim. My girlfriend happens to be a Christian.
Do’s And Don’t Of Dating
While writing this post, I clicked over to another blog to read some dating advice from Gabrielle Union. In an interview with Glamour magazine, she shared her Do’s and Don’ts of Dating. Here’s what she said, “When I met Dwyane, his “résumé” looked like crap: athlete, going through a divorce, nine years younger than me. None of that screamed, “Let’s have a lasting relationship.” Then, after I had a heart-crushing breakup with yet another immature jerk, I thought, it can’t be any worse if I date a fetus. Let’s just see what happens. Turned out he’d been on his own since he was 15. He had wisdom that comes with facing an insane amount of adversity. He’s sweet, funny, honest about his shortcomings. When I put my preconceived notions to the side, I found someone cool.” Looks like Gabrielle fell into the “well at least he’s not” way of thinking. Here’s the moral of the story; accept him and like him for who he is or leave him alone! Looks like Gabrielle decided to accept Dwyane for who he is.
Something to think about…
What say you? Have you ever picked someone based on who they were not vs who they really are? What are your thoughts on this way of thinking and choosing a mate?
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