Biblical Submission Works

by Yvonne Chase on January 24, 2014

Submission In Marriage
Candace Cameron Bure, former star of Full House has stirred the pot with her views on submission in marriage.  She has been happily married for 17 years to retired NHL player Val Bure and together they have three children.  Here’s what she says about biblical submission in her new book, Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose;

My husband is a natural-born leader.  I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honoring his take-charge personality and not get frustrated about his desire to have the final decision on just about everything.  I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.”

“The definition that I’m using with the word submissive is the biblical definition of that,” she explained. “So, it is meekness; it is not weakness.  It’s strength under control.  It is bridled strength.  I love that my man is a leader.  I want him to lead and be the head of our family.  And those major decisions do fall on him.  It doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinion.  It doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion.  I absolutely do.  But it is very difficult to have two heads of authority.”

“When you’re competing with two heads, that can pose a lot of problems or issues.  So within my marriage, we are equal in our importance, but we are just different in our performances within our marriage.  Clearly I have been married for 17 years and we have a very happy marriage and it works very well.  I trust my husband, but that trust has been built.  And I know that because I trust him and I build him up and give him the respect that he would like to have within marriage, that he so listens to everything I have to say and takes my opinion very seriously. And many of the times he will sway to what I would like, even if he doesn’t see eye to eye with me because he really values my opinion.”

biblical

He’d Be A Fool Not To Consult My Mother
What Candace explains is what I’ve seen my parents live their entire marriage; biblical submission.  My dad is the leader and head of our household.  My mother prayed for a strong leader and God delivered.  Like Candace’s husband, all major decisions do fall on his shoulders and that is why he listens to and consults my mother before making those major decisions.  My father has never made one major decision without my mother’s input.  He needs her wisdom.  He needs her prayers.  He needs her insight and influence to do what’s best for our family.  He’d be a fool not to consult my mother.  She was created to help him.  She’s a very wise woman with a wickedly discerning eye.  My mother has never been wrong about anything or anyone yet.  She can smell a rat from miles away and she always knows when something just ain’t right.  I believe my Dad is extremely blessed because of her presence in his life even though they work each others nerves to no end some days.

Yield To His Wife
That’s the idea behind mutual biblical submission as outlined in Ephesians 5;21; “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”  Submission is a two way street in Gods plan for marriage.  Husbands and wives submit to each other and both submit to Jesus.  Although the husband is the head of the household, he is to yield to his wife whenever possible.  A godly man and a loving husband who understands biblical submission will not lead as a tyrant trying to control his wife.

You Cannot Pray Effectively
The Bible has a strong message for men who think they can get away with mistreating their wives in 1 Peter 3:7 “In the same way, you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an [a]intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise, you cannot pray effectively.]

Something to think about…

What say you…what are your thoughts on biblical submission?  Do you take issue with anything Candace says about submission?

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

naijawife January 24, 2014

“submission is a two-way street”. So true! Yet sadly when the discussion comes up , it feels like every one forgets the verse that says “submit to one another”….

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Yvonne Chase January 24, 2014

@Naijawife,

Sadly its always a one sided discussion that paints the woman as a Stepford wife while her husband orders her around and rules like a tyrant. Nothing could be further from the truth.

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George Scheide January 24, 2014

I agree completely. It’s a daunting task to find many men or women today who let the steps pointed to in the Word lead their lifestyles though. This is very rare anymore. It definitely takes two but it is clear that according to scripture woman was created for man. I personally would hope the man leading a family would remember first to love in any decision so that his wife would be able to respond in love more easily each time. The example of your parents and of the Bure family is inspiring.

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Marie February 10, 2014

1 Corinthians 11:11-12
English Standard Version (ESV)
11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.
Not sure why you made the point that the woman was made for the man however, scripture is clear neither is independent of the other.
As far as hoping that a man would lead in love, he is commanded to love and it is interesting to note that he is never commanded to lead. I think a lot of the problems that occur in Christian marriages today are created by people filling in the blanks for God. Most husbands and wives would do well to look at what was actually commanded and not make therefore conclusions. We know that a wife was told to submit as the church does to Christ.(her perfect sinless savior) A wife is told to respect her husband. These are two commands that we know for a wife. The list of commands for a husband are much longer and include: Love your wife as Christ loved the Church (his love for the church was without limit. He gave everything for the church),Love your wife in the same way you love your body and your life, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered, do not be harsh with your wife, rejoice in your wife all your life, “Be thankful for your wife and realize the favor you have received from God.”
There are more but I think you get the idea. The church as a whole does a terrible job when it comes to teaching about marriage. The message seems to be almost entirely about the wife submitting and very little directed at the husband. I think this is why so many men are jazzed up about the phrase wives submit to your husband. If they were truly following God’s word they would understand the enormous responsibility they have been given. There is no choice but to lead in love. To do otherwise is not biblical. Do most men understand that God says he will not hear your prayers if you are not treating your wife right? Do husbands really stop and understand that they are being asked to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. His lovc had no boundaries. He gave everything for her. He came not to be served but to serve. I fear judgement day will be a sorry day for many husbands .

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Yvonne Chase January 24, 2014

@George,

Like you, I personally would hope the man leading a family would remember first to love in any decision so that his wife would be able to respond in love more easily each time.

Agree wholeheartedly. Question for you, what does she do if/when he doesn’t first love in any decision?

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George Scheide January 24, 2014

First and foremost she prays! That’s not the easy answer to hear, but from those who’ve been married a long time, it’s their first one. Not judging, but perhaps people need to take their time and take a longer look at their mate before marrying them. That can prevent some hardships. However, no relationship is going to feel perfect all the time. When our problems feel big, we need to remember how much bigger our God is! As a man, it’s a bit challenging for me to speak as to the woman’s role. I rely solely on the Word. I do know there are a few good men out here, but sometimes both parties are in such a hurry to find someone they don’t search God’s heart first. Even if you are beyond this point, God can fix it. You just need to pray with belief, and show the love of Jesus to your spouse in your actions and reactions.

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Yvonne Chase January 24, 2014

@George,

Joyce Meyer says the same thing. She says she always prayed if/when she disagreed with a decision her husband Dave made or was going to make and God always honored her prayers.

Love this: “When our problems feel big, we need to remember how much bigger our God is!” Our problems are never too big for the Almighty God.

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Lena January 26, 2014

I agree with Candace 100% and want to read the book. Getting ready to walk down the aisle again and we are intentional about being completely in the will of God. I’ve been leading my own house for a long time, so I’m learning how to let go but can use some help in this area. But oh what a relief it is to know that I can submit to someone else, it really does feel good.

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Yvonne Chase January 26, 2014

@Lena…

Long time no “see.” Didn’t know you were still reading. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. When is the big day? That’s how I look at submission…a relief as long as its to a Godly man who fully understands Biblical submission and is capable of living it out.

All the best to you and yours.

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Teresa January 26, 2014

I’ve been married for 20 years but submission has never been a driving force within it. I believe we have been together for so long because our individual childhoods included a foundation of belief and faith in God. Unfortunately, our marriage hasn’t been one of religious togetherness.

While we both are believers, our “commitment” to our Faith has been unequal, therefore, the question of being submissive can’t be fairly considered as a possibility for us. I continue to pray for guidance in this area of our lives.

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Yvonne Chase January 26, 2014

Hi Teresa,

So you’re the woman behind the Coconut Sour Cream Cupcakes! I cannot wait to try your recipe. My mouth watered while reading it and looking at the pictures.

Now to your comment…I guess that’s why its important to be equally yoked in our faiths. Its the reason I’m single. I will join you in your prayers for guidance in this area. Know that God is faithful and the prayers of a righteous man or woman avail much.

Thanks so much for stopping by.

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AwesomelyOZ January 26, 2014

I don’t affiliate myself with any denomination/religious group so this is based on my opinion outside of a Christian realm. I dislike the term ‘submissive’ I think it has a negative connotation I don’t intend to bring into the mix in my relationship. My partner himself says we’re a team and things are done in a cooperative manner with each person bringing in their own opinion. I don’t like the idea of someone being the “head” of anything – we’re both authoritative in this house but we respect each other when things hit the fan. I like his point of view and have adopted that into our relationship. No one is submissive to another, there are times we disagree but like most teams: there’s no I in team and we resolve it together as one. Great post Yvonne and have a great week! -Iva

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Yvonne Chase January 27, 2014

@Iva…

And that is why I wrote this post; to let you and others know there is nothing negative about being submissive. To shed some light and truth on how true submission looks and works. Submission will always be seen in a negative light until you look at it through Gods eyes and his plans.

If you reread Candace’s comments, she says her husband listens to her. She has an opinion. She has a strong voice in their marriage. He takes her thoughts, ideas, suggestions and opinions into consideration when making decisions. He wouldn’t be able to lead and make the best decisions for their household without her input.

Whether we like the idea of someone being the “head of anything,” its a part of life. If you work outside of home, I’m sure you report to a boss; “the head of” the company. There are heads of everything that we all submit to daily. Submission is a part of life and in Gods plan for marriage, its a two way street.

Thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy reading your comments.

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Robert February 5, 2014

The way you laid it out is the way it is supposed to be, except that you got there thru erronus means by BADLY misintrepretating scripture. That whole passage in Eph 5 does not say husbands are to submit to wives, otherwise parents would have to submit to kids, slaves to masters, elders to church goers. Paul was giving the heirarchy of authority there.

A husband consults his wife and holds her opinion in high esteem because he loves her as Christ loves the church. Not because he is submitting to her.

I know the final picture you laid out of how it works was beautiful, but feminists have been distorting the submit to each other to come up with egalitarism so it’s really important to be scripturally accurate so that no one can tear apart your beliefs and marriage.

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Marie February 10, 2014

Unfortunately, Robert you are incorrect. Christ was the perfect picture of submission. To submit is to yield to someone else. It is a shame for a husband to think he should never yield to his wife or children. Thankful that my husband understand humility and the need for everyone to be Christlike. When a parent sacrifices financially for their child it is difficult but their are responsible for taking care of their child’s needs therefor they yield to their children. This does not mean they obey their children but rather that they put their children and their needs first. “They are voluntarily relinquishing something good in order that someone else may have something they need. (Consider Philipians 2:4)
“The type of sacrifice in which we yield our wants to someone else’s needs, is part of submission that the Lord ask us to learn.” The bible is clear, it says submit to one another out of respect for Christ. There are no exceptions made. To feel that you should not submit to your wife is to disregard scripture. I have struggle for year wondering why some men arrogantly assert that they are never called upon to submit to their wife. Isn’t putting others first one of Christ main messages? How sad for wives married to such men. As for me, I have been happily married for more than 29 years to a wonderful Christian man who understands the spirit of God’s message. He also does his best to understand the actual biblical commands directed at husbands. There are many.

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Kimberly Amici February 5, 2014

I love what Candace has to say about Biblical submission. I haven’t gotten a chance to read the book but am looking forward to it. I love the part about “equal in importance but different in performance”. Stopping over from Wifey Wednesday.

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Yvonne Chase February 14, 2014

Kimberly,

I love that too. We are equal in importance but different in performance. We need to remember that God loves us the same even though our roles are different.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Tonia February 14, 2014

I’m so impressed that she took that stance, especially in today’s world. And I absolutely agree with her.

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Yvonne Chase February 14, 2014

Me too Tonia. That takes a lot of courage especially in a culture that says otherwise.

Thanks for stopping by!

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