Black Men In Atlanta Don’t Want To Date Or Marry Black Women

by Yvonne Chase on December 2, 2015

Black Women In Atlanta Want To Marry Black Men
That’s what I found out last night when I tuned into the season 3 premiere of Married At First Sight which was taped in Atlanta; black men in Atlanta do not want to date or marry black women while black women in Atlanta want to marry black men.  I seriously could not function well after hearing Dr. Logan Levkoff, one of the experts on the show spit that fact.  Like, I wanted to stop the press and have an instant discussion about it but the show went on.  She/the show dropped the bomb and left us hanging to deal with it.

Seun Has Never Dated A Black Woman
The bomb was dropped while the experts were discussing potential matches.  A Black man named Seun was at the top of the list and sparked the bomb drop.  Seun is a 31-year-old lawyer who has never dated a black woman.  There are Black men in America who have never dated within the race?  WOW! Greg Epstein, the Spiritual expert thinks Seun is extraordinary in many ways because of his education, athleticism and success.

I Pretty Much Date Outside My Race
Dr. Logan Levkoff adores Seun however, she says, “He presents us with some challenges because of his deal breaker around Caucasian women.  Many of our African American men have no interest in marrying an African American woman.”  Another black man chimed in and said, “I’d prefer the person that I’m gonna be with for the rest of my life not be from my own race” while another black man said, “I pretty much date outside of my race.”  

I’ve Never Dated Outside My Race
Dr. Logan continued with, “Many of our African American women want husbands who are the same race.  One woman says, “I’ve never dated outside my race” while another says, “Chocolate…he has to be chocolate…dark skinned” and another says, “I prefer a black man.” In closing, Dr. Logan says, “They are successful, they are ambitious, they are beautiful.  We want to have the opportunity to match them.”  In a nutshell, the social experiment that is Married At First Sight can’t match black women in Atlanta because black men are not interested.  Yiiikes! 

Atlanta
Your Mother Is A Black Woman!
Atlanta is a burgeoning city filled with tons of black people, black churches and black culture.  How dare you not want to date and marry your own? Like what is wrong with you? Now listen, if that stat came out of Los Angeles, I’d get it because I’ve lived it and I know exactly what it is and why it is but out of Atlanta? It’s unacceptable no matter the city! What level of deep self-hate is going on in you that makes you not want to date or marry your own? Your mother is a black woman!

The Closer To White, The Better 
There are levels to this deep self-hate.  For example, in Los Angeles, if you’re a dark skinned black woman like me with heavy ethnic features looking like you’re from the Motherland, many people think I’m from some place in Africa, black men don’t/won’t date you, however, if you are LSLH (light skinned w/long hair) your chances are better.  The closer you are to white, the better your chances of dating a black man in LA.  A black man told me verbatim, “Good luck trying to find a black man in LA who will date you.  Black men will not date you in this town because you remind us of how much we hate ourselves.”

Step Outside The Race
If a black man has never dated his own or prefers to spend the rest of his life with a woman outside of his race, what’s a black woman to do? Stanford Law Professor Ralph Richard Banks encourages black women to step outside the race if she ever wants to marry.  Remember when his book “Is Marriage For White People?” came out and had black people up in arms? I was one of those people until I actually read the book and understood his train of thought.  He says,Many women would do well to expand their options, in the same way, people of other races have, and look beyond black men in their search for a partner.  Black women are the most segregated group in our society when it comes to relationships.” Watch the clip below and we’ll talk after…

I Feel Sad For You
It’s real simple for me, if you don’t want to date me, I don’t want to date you.  It’s your loss, not mine and I feel sad for you.  Maybe Ralph Richard Banks is on to something?

Something to think about…

What say you? How do you feel about black men who don’t date black women and prefer to marry outside his race? Should black women seek out other races?

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Anthony December 2, 2015

Great article but a sad state of affairs when a black man won’t even give a black woman a date to see if they are compatible .. Maybe that’s an Atlanta problem because I don’t see that here in Florida ..

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Tina June 18, 2016

It’s a huge problem in Florida. It’s much easier for a Black man to date a Latina in Miami than a Black woman.

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Yvonne Chase December 2, 2015

@Anthony,

Sad state of affairs indeed. I wish it were solely an Atlanta problem but unfortunately, I know it’s not. Another reader in Florida says she doesn’t see it there either. Good for Florida!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…You Don’t Have To Marry Just For The Booty!My Profile

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Diane Robertson December 2, 2015

Hey Yvonne!
As usual you’ve hit a home run. Know this fact from observation and hearing a relationship expert declare it on national television is just too real.
And yes @Anthony it is not just an Atlanta problem. I’ve lived in Washington, DC. Go figure!
Anyway, I don’t allow this reality to phase me. Why?
Well,
1) Just like I believe that there are still good men out there who long to cherish and love a woman the way Christ loves the church (my faith is my life), I believe that there are still a number of black men who truly value black sisters, know how to take care of them and are willing to step up to the plate to marry them.

2) I too think that sistas have options. Does anyone else watch America’s Next Top Model? I can’t get enough of it. This is the last season of the sh unfortunately, but there is an Asian young man (It’s about the 3rd season where male models compete against the female models) who fell head over heels, for one of the chocolate young women, at first sight. We don’t have to limit our options either. As a matter of fact I hold the view that God made everyone in His image, and He looks at the heart, not the outer appearance and so should we. Compatibility should be the goal. I’m open. Chocolate, Vanilla or otherwise.

3) Personally-getting real personal now-I beginning to realize that marriage is not necessarily my end-game. Walking in my Purpose is, wherever that takes me.

Continue to challenge to grow, and to think Yvonne.
Cheers!
Diane Robertson recently posted…Life Passages XVII-Knowing Her Own HeartMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase December 2, 2015

@Diane,

Sisters definitely have options. There are millions of people on the planet which equals no limits for sisters.

I believe a black man has serious issues when he intentionally refuses to date his own and prefers to marry out of his race. That to me is very sad.

A man like that would never be able to love me like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, therefore, he’s doing me a favor!
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Mmabatho December 2, 2015

Great piece as always!

My heart went out to their mothers, sisters, and aunts when I heard this.

I’d be pained if my son had an aversion to dating a woman who looks like me. I’d be pained that he’d be ashamed of himself in this way. It is troubling because it came across as not merely a matter of preference but a matter of exclusivity. That’s some deep self-loathing stuff going on with them.

I am glad no woman was matched with any of them; It would be hell to have to navigate these guys’ emotional landmines. Hell-no!

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Diane Robertson December 2, 2015

Yes, yes, and YES! Woosai!
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Mmabatho December 2, 2015

Oops..forgot to watch the video. Very interesting. I had not heard of this.

Hm…like Gayle, I don’t know whether or not I should slit my wrists. The odds are depressing. Lord keep me encouraged!

How about you ladies.. is your field wide?

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Yvonne Chase December 2, 2015

@Mmabatho,

My field is not wide at all but I’m encouraged. The odds can be depressing yet encouraging. I don’t focus on the odds! Hadn’t given any thought to how some black men feel about women until now. It’s good to know what we’re facing. Now we know how to navigate. It’s important to know how some black men feel about black women. Now we know!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Black Men In Atlanta Don’t Want To Date Or Marry Black WomenMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase December 2, 2015

@Mmabatho,

THIS: “I am glad no woman was matched with any of them; It would be hell to have to navigate these guys’ emotional landmines. Hell-no!”

Hell-no indeed. Dating a man like that would be self-destructive which I why I said they’re doing us a favor. No thanks!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A White Man Is Not The Answer And A Black Man Is Not The ProblemMy Profile

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A. Crafton December 4, 2015

I am a black woman whose husband is white. I got tired of getting my heart broken by guys who didn’t appreciate me so I opened my heart to a man who loves me unconditionally and is devoted to us. Like my mother said, “love who loves you.”

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Yvonne Chase December 4, 2015

@A. Crafton,

Good for you. Your mother is right, “Love who loves you.” Skin color has nothing to do with one’s ability to love and be loved.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Shonda Rhimes Does Not Want A Husband In Her House…Do You?My Profile

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Eric September 19, 2016

It’s very hypocritical of you to say black men who refuse to date black women have serious issues but will applaud a black woman who does date outside her race.

Typical female logic…void of sense and meaning.

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Yvonne Chase September 19, 2016

@Eric,

Nothing hypocritical about it. What’s a black woman to do if a black man doesn’t want her? Shrivel up and die? No! She is supposed to date the man who wants to date her no matter his skin color.
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Kev Marshall December 5, 2015

B…Freak’n…S!! As a Black Man (Ah…can we speak?) I was highly insulted by this this show and it’s ‘comments’ about Black Men. Partially such broad generalizations from a ‘small sample’ of ‘volunteers’ on a Reality Show (don’t get me started on that). That’s just like one of the ‘Experts’ stating something like that The show was a success?!? 9 couples and only 2 stayed together is success? Oh and one of the two…if she brings up her ex one mo’ time…I expect that 2 to go down to 1. Going back to season 1 ‘Black Couple’ and how they still continue to vilify Vaun(?…I think was his name) or just omit him from any of the follow-up shows (especially when they ‘both’ did dirt…more her). In season 2 did they proclaim any broad generalizations when the India Woman stated “I only date White!!” Did they correct her and ask her to be open to a India Man? Did they expound upon the color issue (Light skin/Dark skin) within many India communities? No. Your telling me from all the people who who volunteered to participate that ‘no one’ else made specific dating comments? Oh my ‘red flags’ where already chiming at a few of the ‘finalist’ of this season…like really? Them?
I’m really getting tired of this ‘up-tick’ of demasculation of Black Males in Movies and TV (especially Reality Shows). It’s sad that people take it as ‘real-ity’ instead of self examination.

To the ladies in this thread who just ‘know’ it’s (what was stated in the show) all true. Wrong. I know plenty of Black Women who ‘only’ date White men (or anything other than Black Men). In my…exploration into online dating I couldn’t ‘count’ how many Black Woman ‘specifically’ stated that they are looking for only White (or everything but Black). Oh and yes @Diane Robertson…I’m in DC also…that goes on here. I find woman (in general) are a bit hypocritical. Many of us men have the ‘exact’ same complaints that you have about men. We don’t speak up or it’s looked at as ‘not cool’ or masculine to complain. Also are many of the ‘complains’ the men or the men ‘you’ open yourself up to? Us Black Men are out there. And we love ‘all’ shades of our women. Don’t fall for this ‘mass brainwashing’ to pander and bait to your emotions.

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Tina June 18, 2016

It’s no brainwashing. All you have to do is go to the database of marriage records and start counting to find out the truth. The reality is that Black women and Asian men are the least selected in society, so regardless of what you’ve seen Black women do or say, the reality remains that Indian women, Hispanic Women, and White women are selected first. That’s why the Black women you saw in those dating sites started dating White men only.

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Yvonne Chase December 5, 2015

@Kevin,

Let me start off by saying thanks for reading and sharing your well thought out thoughts.

Now, let’s talk…

Yea, Jamie is annoying as heck! You’re right, if she mentions her ex one more time! I don’t know how Doug deals with her.

I’m mad at FYI for continuing to vilify Vaughn. What did he do to anyone? Aside from his awkward mention of a threesome in season 1, I thought he had great qualities and would make a great match for someone. Love the relationship he has with his mom.

Not sure why he was matched with Monet, who I’m not a fan of in the first place when he said he wants a traditional woman who believes in traditional values.

Monet can’t even cook nor is she interested in making a house a home. Nothing about her says wife…nothing. She’s like many women today who believe their credentials make them a great catch. And now they’ve given her a show in her quest for love.

Your points about Davina, the Indian woman in season two are spot on. I had lots of questions around her preference to only date a White man. They skipped right over that and matched her with Mr. White.

Like you, I’m really getting tired of this ‘up-tick’ of emasculation of Black Males in Movies and TV (especially Reality Shows). It’s sad that people take it as ‘real-ity’ instead of self-examination.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A White Man Is Not The Answer And A Black Man Is Not The ProblemMy Profile

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Keisha | The Girl Next Door is Black December 5, 2015

Thank you for writing this. I don’t give a crap who dates whom, but I cannot stand when black men choose to date non-black women and feel the need to degrade black women in the process (see: Wesley Snipes, Terrance Howard, maybe Ice Cube).

Are you really that comfortable with your choice if you have to degrade an entire subgroup of people to validate your decisions? A subgroup of women whom are at the forefront of the movement to liberate black people including the men who turn their backs on them.

Besides, how much of a “catch” is a man who hates who he is so much that he’s deluded himself into believing he’s not the problem, but millions of other women are?
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Yvonne Chase December 5, 2015

@Keisha,

Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. It blows my mind that black men were bold enough to say that on National TV.

High five to all of this: “How much of a “catch” is a man who hates who he is so much that he’s deluded himself into believing he’s not the problem, but millions of other women are?”
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Unmarried, Unpregnant And UnbotheredMy Profile

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AwesomelyOZ December 8, 2015

Wow! I’m speechless. I’ve never thought of this or how isolated it must be for black women here. My family is from Dominican Republic and the same standards hold true. The previous dictator made European beauty the “standard” so there is nothing better than being light skinned with pretty long, flowing hair. That stigma is hard on the darker skinned ladies over there since the men hold on to that standard even today. That self-hate thing is powerful stuff.. It’s sad that even today, with all the progress made, this depreciation still exists towards oneself and culture. Thanks for sharing Yvonne! Take Care -Iva
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Hanivel December 9, 2015

Although this is truly a problem among many brothers, I do believe that the media has a big part in perpetuating this madness. I went to school with folk from the Chicago area, and very few of these brothers married outside of their race. These are successful cats too. There are always examples of athletes married to white women all over television and the web, however the truth is that in sports, as in our culture as a whole black men overwhelmingly marry black women.

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Yvonne Chase December 9, 2015

@Hanivel,

You are 100% correct. The media plays a huge part in perpetuating this madness. It’s clear now that the only reason they included that sound bite was to promote their new show Black Love centered around black women looking for love. They perpetuated the madness in that instance for their own gain. I don’t believe it would’ve been mentioned otherwise.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Black Men In Atlanta Don’t Want To Date Or Marry Black WomenMy Profile

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Easter September 23, 2017

Black woman Will pay for your wrong doings. It may take 10-20 years or more to see. No other race of woman talk like this against there race of men.

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Gary Spencer June 14, 2016

This is deep. I thought “only black West Indian’s OR African’s” stay within the culture. I couldn’t comprehend the idea of chasing a white American woman around. Plenty women in the islands plus my trust fund, which stipulates “yard gyal only!” No problem.

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Spell Saggin Backwards September 24, 2016

I live in Atlanta and everywhere I look, there are black men. I have no interest in these men and don’t want to even talk with them, let alone date them! You said black women in Atlanta want to marry black men? Well not this one. In fact I’ll be moving to get away from black men. Hopefully to an area or state where there are more Asian and white men.
And no pants saggin’. That’s one thing I’ve totally had enough of seeing and that is black males (teens through senior citizens apparently) wearing their pants sagging with underwear showing. I’m sick to death of this and I want OUT!

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Easter September 23, 2017

Please GO! And don’t come back.

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Deanna Babb May 23, 2017

My son is a blue eyed, blond man who married a beautiful chocolate woman about 10 years ago. I know they have had their share of challenges. We work hard to affirm that we love our daughter-in-law and adore our gorgeous granddaughter (who looks like a mocha version of our son) but struggles remain. Here’s the reality…I struggle with the relationship with my mother – in-law and we are both white! Don’t be afraid of the relationship God may have for you with a person of another color. Blessings to all you single gals out there!

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Easter September 23, 2017

Its actually the other way around black. Woman are racing to date white men in a hurry. Black Woman always, blame the black man for everything, but its really them. I don’t like Atlanta because of this and the lack of social skills.

This Article is a big fat lie. Black men always love black woman, it’s the attitude we don’t like.!

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