Fun, Food, Festivities
Yesterday I went to a Super Bowl 2013 party at one of my favorite lounges and had a blast. While I care nothing about football, I went for the fun, food and festivities. I went to meet people and have great conversations. Didn’t expect to pull out my coaching hat but I did.
Yelling at The TV
My friend is a bartender at this spot so he kept me filled up with pineapple juice; I don’t drink anymore. While hanging at the bar, I saw a lot of what men complain about with women. Here’s what I mean…there was a gentleman at the bar… (We’ll call him Carl) hanging with his female friend who was there to watch the game and celebrate her birthday. She was really into the game I mean she was yelling at the TV and carrying on like she was in her living room. Carl is a Fresh Prince of Bel Air kind of guy. He’s Wil Smith, pre dating doctor in the movie Hitch who had no game.
Took the Drinks and Ran
I noticed Carl constantly flashing his money. Something about that turned me off. I’d say he had about $300 in his pocket. The other thing that turned me off was the amount of strong alcohol they drank. A drunken loud woman is highly unattractive! Carl came back to the bar with a young lady and bought her three drinks. Apparently her twin sister and a friend were in tow. He’d been talking to her in another room with the expectation that they would exchange numbers and perhaps meet up again. All of that went out the window when she took the drinks and ran. I didn’t hear a thank you and neither did he. Carl was a tad bit upset and began to talk to me and the bartender about it. The conversation went like this:
Carl: The minute I bought the drinks, something in me said I shouldn’t have.
Bartender: Conversation costs huh?
We LOL!
Carl: She and her sister were standing at the table drinking water. They suckered me into buying drinks. I knew if they were drinking water, they probably couldn’t afford their own drinks. Looks like I was right huh?
Me: If you felt that way, why were you talking to her and why did you not listen to your gut?
Carl: I don’t know…I figured buying drinks would be a good place to start.
Me: Why? Because that’s what everyone else is doing? Why didn’t you just take her number and say nice to meet you? Why are you leading with your money?
He let out a loud oooooooh and stared at me.
Carl: You’re so right!
Me: Keep your money in your pocket. No one needs to see it. No one needs to know how much you have or don’t have. You bought me a drink? Why? Conversation with me doesn’t cost unless you’re a client. The bartender is my friend. He’s been filling me up with pineapple juice all night. I’m not impressed! You don’t have to do what the other men in here are doing. That’s not who you are. Be you. Stand out from the crowd.
He leaned in, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said thank you.
Everybody’s Got Game
To make him feel better I said, you know what, she did you a favor. You don’t want a woman like that do you –A taker with no manners? She showed you who she is. Be thankful you saw this now and not after she suckered you into marriage and took all your money. He wasn’t mad about the drinks. He was mad about the principle of it all. I watched those twin sisters work that room and get drinks from a myriad of men. That’s what some women do. That’s their sole intention when they leave home. Everybody’s got game and nobody’s winning!
My friend Mike who likes to play devil’s advocate and I talked about this a second ago and the conversation went like this…
Mike: So Yvonne, if a guy is talking to a woman, shouldn’t he buy her a drink?
Me: Why?
Mike: Isn’t that what she expects?
Me: Who cares what she expects? If you want to separate the real deal from the game, I think men should stop buying women drinks. Talk to her; get a number if you’re interested and follow up with a phone call. Since when does conversation cost? Buy your own drink!
Mike: Women think you’re cheap if you don’t buy them a drink.
Me: Why do you care? You know you’re not cheap! If you feel like buying a drink do it but know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
What say you? Ladies, do you think a man is cheap if he doesn’t offer to buy you a drink? Do you expect him to buy you a drink just because he’s talking to you? Why? Why not? Aren’t you talking to him too? Why don’t you offer to buy him a drink?
Something to think about…
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not Wil Smith pre dating doctor in Hitch, I’ve been in this situation many times. I’ve bought a drink for a sister and she took the drink and ran. I’ve bought a drink for another sister and realized she gave me the wrong number when I called. That is the reason I no longer buy a woman a drink when I’m out. When I really think about it, why should I? My conversation don’t cost and neither should hers.
I for one think that the bar scene is what it is, and you get what you get once inside. However, I am tired of women using their “sexuality” for free-be’s and to take advantage of men. On the flip side, what do men expect? Flashing money in a bar? Buying drinks for conversation? Making your own “rounds” till you think you might have a hit! You men are “buying” into and feeding the vultures of the culture. You want real women, real conversation, real relationships? Go at it in a REAL way. Alcohol should never be a factor when aiming for real. Now, I know that sports bars can be fun. Watching a sporting event with mutual fans can be very fun. Just realize where you are and why. Don’t make more of it than it is. Rather than getting frustrated over women taking you on a drink for free ride, instead don’t offer to buy the drink or flash the drink money! A real woman won’t be upset by this behavior at all!
@CMT…agree. The bar/lounge scene is what it is therefore those that step into that scene should know what to expect. Men have a responsibility in this too. If you lead with your money, you will catch a certain type of fish. Going at it in a REAL way is the only way to go.
I am a female and I’ve had men buy me drinks, I’ve bought men drinks, and I’ve turned down drinks. If I’m not interested in talking to a particular man who offers me a drink, I won’t accept it. Period. Sometimes I just don’t want to be bothered. I’ve had friends get upset with me because I turned down a drink because they felt I could have given it to them! Another friend of mine downs a man when he only buys her a drink yet not all her friends. It’s crazy. Oh well, it’s a bar. What do you expect? Personally, I don’t agree the man has to pay for everything unless they insist on it.
@Tina…when I walked into that lounge on Sunday, I went to the bar and ordered my own drink. I don’t understand the expectation that a man must buy you a drink because you’re talking to him. Like you, I’ve turned down dates, drinks and dinner because I’m not interested and I’ve told the guy you should only spend your money on a woman that is interested in you. That’s how I roll.
I fully agree!
I’ve turned down drinks if I was approached & wasn’t interested so I say no, men don’t hv to buy drinks just to get a woman’s attention! Plus I can buy my own drinks!
@Char…a woman after my own heart.
I’m glad I never drank and didn’t have play this part of the ‘meet and greet’ game.
Guys, No Drinks! If you choose to do so, so be it, but get off the
expectation kick. You may find yourself with no number or no convo. Be confident in yourself and not what you can buy. Trust you me, this will lead you to the real women and not the fakes.
Scott La Roc – NY
Confidence in you and not what you can buy sounds good to me. Guys complain about the types of women they meet yet they are partly responsible. If you flash your cash, don’t be surprised at the kind of women flocking to you.
Well, being a women in my 40 I am from the old school of thought. I am a lady that can and does buy my own drinks, but I think the attitude of younger people men and women is what’s causing this confusion. For a man to buy me a drink doesn’t mean he’s paying for my conversation at all because majority of the time he walks away and doesn’t return, It just means he bought me a drink period and point blank. I’ve even had guys buy my girlfriends a drink and so bought the rest of us one as well. I didn’t ask for it but it is and was a nice jester. It’s on the same line as a man opening the door for me or pulling out my chair. If we all would stop trying to change shivery and just let it ride we would all know why a drink was purchase in the first place.
@Tina T…the conversation isn’t so much about being able to buy your own drink or chivalry. Its about the expectation when the drink is bought. Not sure where you live but its a whole different scene here in Los Angeles.
The gentleman in this case bought the young lady and her friends drinks because he was talking to her and was interested in her. The fact that she took the drinks, walked away and never said thank you is what got underneath his skin.
In this case, she pretended to be interested when she wasn’t just to get drinks out of him that she clearly couldn’t afford to buy on her own. Men play games, women play games and no one wins these immature games.
Call me weird but I don’t want a man buying me a drink if I’m not interested in him. When I’m out and about, most guys buy me a drink (non-alcoholic) because they’re interested and they want to continue conversation and they return to continue conversation after buying the drink.
The crowd at this Super Bowl consisted of people within your age group. Sad to say, there’s no age limit to game playing.
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