Career And Credentials Are Not At The Top Of His List

by Yvonne Chase on December 10, 2015

Looking For Love In NYC
Did you watch Black Love? It’s a new docuseries built around Monet Bell and four of her girlfriends looking for love in NYC.  According to FYI, “Today’s successful, modern black women have groomed themselves to have it all – beauty, intelligence and a thriving career.  For many, there’s just one thing that they want more than anything which mysteriously eludes them – love.”

We Haven’t Seen Vaughn Since
Monet was married to Vaughn Copeland in season one of Married At First Sight.  They divorced after the six-week experiment.  Vaughn wanted a traditional marriage with traditional roles and values.  Monet said she wanted the same until she learned how a traditional marriage looks and functions in Vaughn’s world.  I don’t like how Vaughn was vilified and made out to be the bad guy and the reason their marriage ended.  I’m tired of TV shows making black men look crazy! He seemed to be a great match for someone other than Monet.  We haven’t seen Vaughn since.

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We Are More Than That
As a single black woman, I’m completely over the image and presentation of black women on TV.  It’s all about the weave, wigs, and wardrobe…beauty, boobs, and booty; the outward adornment.  It’s all about her career and credentials. And you’re sure to find her at a bar or swanky lounge doing shots and sucking down cocktails with her girls.  We are more than that aren’t we?

Clarifying What You Want
After watching the first episode, which was all about clarifying what you want, I’d say Monet owes Vaughn an apology.  On MAFS, Monet insisted she wanted a traditional man/marriage.  After sitting with the experts to explore that deeper, she realized her definition was a bit off. What she really wants is a gentleman; someone who prioritizes her and thinks of her when he’s making plans.

He Was Pretty Awful To Her
Vaughn could definitely benefit from sitting with an expert to explore his definition of traditional marriage and clarify how that looks and is executed in a relationship, in the same way Monet did, but he doesn’t get that chance. Instead, he will forever be seen as the awful black man who couldn’t handle a headstrong independent black woman. When I tweeted, Monet owes Vaughn an apology, one person replied, “He was pretty awful to her.” See what I mean? Vaughn is awful and Monet is great! Not cool at all and definitely not true.

Men Don’t Care About Your Career And Credentials
Here’s what I see, not only on Black Love but also through daily interactions; women don’t understand what a man is looking for when he decides to marry.  Men don’t care about your career and credentials.  Men want women who exude the essence of a wife.  Let me see if I can make this make sense.  When my black male friend was looking for a wife, he went online.  He said, “Chase, I’m not that dude that’s going here and there looking for her.  I’m going home to whip out my laptop and find her” and he did on his first shot at online dating.  She’s a beautiful, educated woman with a career who understands that being a homemaker doesn’t make her less of a woman.

High Maintenance And Exhausting
I begged him to watch Black Love…begged him…twisted his arm and he did.  I wanted him to watch because he lives in NYC and also because if black women want to know why they can’t find love, they need to hear from black men.  After watching, he said, “Those women didn’t appeal to me.  Everything about their presentation seems self-absorbed, high maintenance and exhausting.  I don’t want high maintenance and exhausting.  That’s why I went online.  I was tired of seeing that and meeting that! That’s all you see in NYC. ”

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She’s Her Own Woman
He continued, “I’m sure I could go out and have a good time with any one of them, but that would be the beginning and end of it.  I was looking for more than a good time.  I was looking for a woman who found as much joy in being at home as she does going out and who’s identity wasn’t attached her external attributes.  I found her online because she was at home like me on a Friday night.  You’re a loser if you’re single and at home on a Friday night especially in NYC. Everybody’s out! Women are out just to say they’re out.  We didn’t care! That’s why I married her.  She’s her own woman.  These two losers won.  I’m happy!”

Cover Her Boobs
I will tune in again to Black Love because I do like the weekly workshop that explores each woman’s deeper issues however, I need Jae to cover her boobs.  You know what I’m talking about if you watched.   Like Ayesha Curry, I’m a fan of keeping the good stuff covered up for the one who matters.

Something to think about…

What say you? Did you watch Black Love? What are your thoughts? How do you think a man chooses a wife? What’s important to him when choosing? 

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Jackie December 13, 2015

Monet was awful to Vaughn too. They both played a part in it.

I didn’t watch Black Love because I didn’t like the way MAFS used the comment about black men not dating black men to promote their new show. I don’t believe they would’ve included that sound bite if this show didn’t exist. Yet another example of the media pitting black people against each other for their own financial gain.

If they really cared, they would have explored it further. It was said and they moved on as if it was never said. That’s a lot to ignore.

One more thing, it’s hard to believe Monet didn’t understand or know what a traditional man expects or wants from a marriage. Why didn’t the experts know?

Like you said, had Vaughn had a chance to sit with an expert, he would learn that there’s more to a traditional woman than cooking meals and he would’ve been better off for it.

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