Marriage Is Like Getting A Root Canal And A Colonoscopy

by Yvonne Chase on March 29, 2017

Carriage Before Marriage
I read the news recently of a female celeb who is pregnant with her first child by her longtime boyfriend. It made me wonder why so many women are opting to put the carriage before marriage. This new trend bothers me. And then to make it all sound good and feel right, they say, “Babies are a blessing!” Of course, babies are indeed a blessing but why is it all of a sudden cool and accepted to do this backward?

carriage
Long Walks In The Park
Last week while scrolling through Instagram, my eyes landed on a page devoted to Christian singles. The post, in particular, was about marriage. It painted a picture of how difficult marriage is by saying things like; marriage is not about long walks in the park and candlelit dinners then it went on to paint a grueling and horrific visual of marriage being something like getting a root canal in the morning and a colonoscopy in the afternoon. Who wants to do that? Not I! 

The Beauty Of Marriage
The devil is such a liar. Marriage can be filled with walks in the park and candlelight dinners. It’s very rare to hear people talk about the beauty of marriage, the fun in marriage, the happiness in marriage. Chris Rock once joked, “Do you want to be single and lonely or married and bored?” 

Good Stuff
While I’ve never been married, two of my four marriage mentors are married 20+ years and 14 years respectively. They have great marriages filled with weekly date nights, annual marriage retreats, weekly marriage Bible studies, a great social life, friends that support their union and so much more good stuff.

A Positive Light On Marriage
Trials are a part of their reality just like everyone else. They are very honest with me about those too because they want me to have a balanced view, however, they are intentional about shining a positive light on marriage. Part of life is trials; it’s how we grow, however, it’s not always that way.

Doom And Gloom
If you’re married, please leave a comment below highlighting the positive aspects of marriage. It can’t be all doom and gloom and if it is, what’s up with you and yours? Maybe if we paint a better picture of marriage, more people will want to marry?

Marriage Licenses Decrease
I threw my question out to Twitter and one person said; “We can only attribute that to our “new” social values. Divorce rates continue to increase while marriage licenses decrease. Many people do not value marriage anymore. Marriage is no longer a “thing.” Spot on. I, too, believe our new social values have much to do with it.  

“Lack Of Freedom”
In an article titled The Ball and Chain Myth, the writer focused on how good marriage is, especially for men. The piece started out by saying, “Marriage is not worth it for men. It’s not worth the practical and financial sacrifices, the lost romantic opportunities, or the “lack of freedom.” All in all, a spouse is a ball and chain—of little benefit to any man interested in pursuing happiness and well-being.”

Hook, Line And Sinker
It continued with, But despite its prevalence, the ball and chain view of marriage is simply not supported by the research. Indeed, the benefits of marriage for men are substantial by every conceivable measure, including more money, a better sex life, and significantly better physical and mental health. Yet many men remain ignorant of these benefits, a view seemingly promoted by popular culture.” This view is definitely supported and promoted by pop culture and men are buying into it, hook line and sinker.

I Wouldn’t Do That If I Were You
As men continue to buy into the ball and chain message and women continue to make it easy for them to have all of the benefits of marriage apart from marriage and we continue to paint a picture of marriage that says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I guess the carriage before marriage trend will continue.  

carriage
Something to think about…

What say you? Why has putting the carriage before marriage become the norm? If you’re married, how do you speak about marriage? If you’re single, are you encouraged by what you hear about marriage?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Cynthia Johnson March 29, 2017

Long time reader here. I got married in my mid 40s, and as an independent woman, it was quite an adjustment. I was used to my own space and such. I can see where someone might see it as more beneficial to the male. You tend to fall into traditional roles, whether you want to or not. And as a woman I find I do more of the cooking/cleaning. I usually like doing these things, but sometimes…..Also alhough I love my hubs, there are times when I miss my space. Marriage is so not like dating.

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Yvonne Chase April 5, 2017

@Cynthia,

You know, they say the older you are when you marry, the more difficult it can be because you are used to your own space and independence.

I’ve also heard about falling into traditional roles whether you want to or not. Many women say men benefit more from marriage than women. I guess that make sense since God said the man needed help. We, us women, are his help!
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Lisa/Syncopated Mama March 30, 2017

Sure, marriage is hard and there are times when I wish I could just have my house back, but there is nothing like knowing you’ve got someone on your team around all the time!
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Yvonne Chase April 1, 2017

@Lisa,

I look forward to having someone on my team around all the time.

God bless you and your marriage.
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Debbie Wilson March 30, 2017

Yvonne, this year my husband and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage. And while it has not been a fairy tale it has been wonderful. I married a man who puts God first. That’s right, before me. And that provides security for me and our children. It makes me sad to see our culture being duped. Marriage is challenging because it reveals our selfishness. But I can’t think of a better place to grow up.

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Yvonne Chase March 30, 2017

@Debbie,

I hope God continues to bless you and yours with many more years of marriage. You married a man who has his priorities in order and that is wonderful.

Our culture is definitely being duped. You sound like my brother who always said, the root cause of every difficult marriage is selfishness. Like you, he said marriage is the best place to grow up.

God bless you…
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Michele Morin April 1, 2017

I married at age 27, and I never expected to marry, and certainly never expected to have four kids, but I see both of those events as gifts of God that I did not even have the good sense to ask for.

Yvonne, I always appreciate your perspective when I visit your writing home. Thank you!
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Yvonne Chase April 1, 2017

@Michele,

Thank you. Wow! You see both marrying and having kids as gifts from God that you didn’t even have the good sense to ask for. Wow!

What a blessing! I believe this is the first time I’ve heard it said in that way. May God continue to bless you and your marriage/family.
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Liz Rigby April 4, 2017

My man and I dated all four years of college and married right after, and I’ve never regretted it. I get to have my best friend around to talk to whenever I need it, which is exactly what I need when I’ve been dealing with kids all day. And just being completely open and honest, we make better love now after ten years of marriage than we did as newlyweds. Commitment doesn’t have to mean boring, or restraining, or cynical, when legitimate love unites you.

Thank you for sharing over at my new linkup! Hope we’ll see you again!

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Yvonne Chase April 5, 2017

@Liz,

I appreciate your honesty about lovemaking. So many people believe sex dies after a couple has been married for a long time. Happy that you and your hubby are enjoying each other even better than you did in the beginning. God bless you!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Abstinence And Celibacy Don’t Make Sense After A Certain AgeMy Profile

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Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle April 6, 2017

Yvonne, I love reading your informative and wise posts. I hope you have had the sense to ask the Lord for your love and team member 🙂
It is awesome to have a husband who is a support, friend and lover and he is on the same team as me. We have been at this for over 50 years and it just gets better all the time. I don’t mean to say it is always easy but with the Lord, there is a way forward.
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Yvonne Chase April 6, 2017

@Kathleen,

I have and I look forward to working with my team member to create a great life. Marriage is a blessing and like you said, with the Lord, in any area of our lives, there is a way forward. So glad we don’t have to do any part of this life alone. God is always faithful.
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Brandi Raae April 6, 2017

My husband and I will celebrate 20 years next month. The reality is that marriage is hard. It’s hard for two sinners to become one, but it’s also an opportunity for God to work out sanctification in us. It’s an opportunity for us to learn to die to ourselves and consider others’ interests above our own.

It can be a great blessing, too, though. It’s nice having someone to do life with. Nice having someone who will be there for you no matter what. Having a family is such a blessing, too.

Thanks for sharing at Literacy Musing Mondays. 🙂
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Richard Bayside May 23, 2017

Very informative for me as far as this post concern. Thanks for sharing. Keep Going
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