Let It Be Known Up Front
“There are some topics like purity and celibacy, especially in Godly relationships and dating that shouldn’t wait until being “serious” or “committed” to be a matter of discussion. If, you’re willing to have a relationship that is pure until your wedding night, then let it be known up front.“
Celibacy And Purity
I saw the above shared on Instagram and I agree with it 100%. It’s how I approached my current relationship. We spoke about celibacy and purity in great detail before we moved into a committed relationship. During my time of singleness; technically I’m still single but you know what I mean. I thought about the kind of man I wanted to attract into my life. Obedience to God in the area of sexual purity was and is very important to me.
Set The Standard And Tone
The ideal man for me would be on his own journey of obedience prior to our meeting. He’d lead the conversation and set the standard and tone for our relationship. I didn’t want to be the one to broach the topic. That’s how it was in the past, even with Christian men. I broached the topic, told him about my walk and he’d decide to join me on the journey. That never worked.
On The Journey Together
This time around, I didn’t have to worry about that at all. He was already on his journey of obedience and now we are on the journey together. It feels great to be in a sexually pure relationship that completely honors God.
Spilled My Guts
In addition to purity and celibacy, I believe there are other topics we need to discuss before moving forward into a full on committed relationship. When we met, there was a pressing issue in my life that could be a deal breaker depending on the person and what was important to them. I spilled my guts up front and I told him, if it’s not for you, if you can’t handle it, I completely understand.
Because it was such a huge deal, we spent a lot of time talking about it and each time I reminded him that I completely understand if he decided to chuck the deuces and say peace out. It is what it is and everybody can’t handle it. He’s still here so it’s all good. I believe in complete honesty about the important matters up front.
Discernment And Discretion
It was easy for me to be transparent because while I enjoy being in a relationship, I was and am okay being single. I don’t want to be in a relationship so badly that I needed to hide anything about me, my life or experiences. Of course, I wouldn’t be so transparent with just any old’ body. We need to use discretion and discernment as we open up.
The Marrying Kind
Over the weekend, I saw Fences. In the movie, Rose, played by Viola Davis was up front with Troy, played by Denzel when they met. She told him straight up, “I’m the marrying kind.” Essentially, she let him know she was all in to get to know him and be with him as long as he wanted to be with the marrying kind. If he had other intentions, she was not the one.
The Year Of Up Front Conversations
Many, “Marrying kind” women are in relationships with men who aren’t interested in marriage. Many men know they’re not interested in marrying the one they’re with yet they won’t speak up because the benefits are too good. I say let’s make 2017 the year of upfront conversations. Let’s have the courage to be upfront about what we want and let’s create a space for others to tell us what they want.
What say you? What else do we need to discuss up front before moving into a committed relationship?
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