Celibacy, Purity And Up Front Conversations

by Yvonne Chase on January 3, 2017

Let It Be Known Up Front
There are some topics like purity and celibacy, especially in Godly relationships and dating that shouldn’t wait until being “serious” or “committed” to be a matter of discussion.  If, you’re willing to have a relationship that is pure until your wedding night, then let it be known up front.

Celibacy And Purity
I saw the above shared on Instagram and I agree with it 100%.  It’s how I approached my current relationship.  We spoke about celibacy and purity in great detail before we moved into a committed relationship.  During my time of singleness; technically I’m still single but you know what I mean. I thought about the kind of man I wanted to attract into my life.  Obedience to God in the area of sexual purity was and is very important to me.  

Set The Standard And Tone
The ideal man for me would be on his own journey of obedience prior to our meeting.  He’d lead the conversation and set the standard and tone for our relationship.  I didn’t want to be the one to broach the topic. That’s how it was in the past, even with Christian men.  I broached the topic, told him about my walk and he’d decide to join me on the journey.  That never worked.

On The Journey Together
This time around, I didn’t have to worry about that at all.  He was already on his journey of obedience and now we are on the journey together.  It feels great to be in a sexually pure relationship that completely honors God.

Spilled My Guts
In addition to purity and celibacy, I believe there are other topics we need to discuss before moving forward into a full on committed relationship. When we met, there was a pressing issue in my life that could be a deal breaker depending on the person and what was important to them.  I spilled my guts up front and I told him, if it’s not for you, if you can’t handle it, I completely understand.

Peace Out
Because it was such a huge deal, we spent a lot of time talking about it and each time I reminded him that I completely understand if he decided to chuck the deuces and say peace out.  It is what it is and everybody can’t handle it. He’s still here so it’s all good.  I believe in complete honesty about the important matters up front.

Discernment And Discretion
It was easy for me to be transparent because while I enjoy being in a relationship, I was and am okay being single.  I don’t want to be in a relationship so badly that I needed to hide anything about me, my life or experiences.  Of course, I wouldn’t be so transparent with just any old’ body.  We need to use discretion and discernment as we open up.

The Marrying Kind
Over the weekend, I saw Fences. In the movie, Rose, played by Viola Davis was up front with Troy, played by Denzel when they met.  She told him straight up, “I’m the marrying kind.” Essentially, she let him know she was all in to get to know him and be with him as long as he wanted to be with the marrying kind.  If he had other intentions, she was not the one.

The Year Of Up Front Conversations
Many, “Marrying kind” women are in relationships with men who aren’t interested in marriage.  Many men know they’re not interested in marrying the one they’re with yet they won’t speak up because the benefits are too good.  I say let’s make 2017 the year of upfront conversations.  Let’s have the courage to be upfront about what we want and let’s create a space for others to tell us what they want.

celibacy
Something to think about…

What say you? What else do we need to discuss up front before moving into a committed relationship?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Diane G. Robertson January 3, 2017

This is so, so, SO, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Good!
Yvonne, let me start off my saying that I admire you a great deal. The way you have stuck to your guns in your belief, integrity and character is truly admirable and encouraging. It is good to know that the path you’ve taken is possible. That it is doable.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for not relaxing your standards and showing us other Christian women who also believe in honoring God with our bodies by not engaging in casual sexual relationships and waiting for our God’s appointed husband (though the struggle is real).
You’ve inspired me. Not to mention challenged me to continue to believe God, trust God and not alter my standards under any circumstances.
I will be sharing this. Great, GREAT READ!
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Yvonne Chase January 4, 2017

@Diane,

The struggle is indeed real. Stay tuned for a follow-up post on what really put us on track for success in this area. It required a HUGE sacrifice on his part. When he first presented it to me, I didn’t understand however, after we talked about it repeatedly, I definitely got it and now I am reaping the fruits of it.

Thanks for sharing…
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Lisa/Syncopated Mama January 3, 2017

I’m totally with you on the being up front because you’re okay being single – that was totally me when I met my husband and it was just so great to be able to share everything and not feel like I had to act a certain way.
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Yvonne Chase January 4, 2017

@Lisa,

Being okay with being single makes all the difference in the world. It frees us to be ourselves 100%.
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Nikki Frank-Hamilton January 5, 2017

Yvonne, this is the best. I agree that we need to know who we are and what we want before entering into relationships. And these conversations need to happen. Great article! I wish that I would have been this aware of myself when I was dating, it was a painful journey cause I didn’t take the time to know or like myself. This would have been much better!

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Yvonne Chase January 5, 2017

@Nikki,

I’m a huge fan of having conversations of all kind. How else will we learn about each other? Conversations are imperative especially as a relationship begins and progresses.

And yes, we must know who we are and what we want before entering a relationship.
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Susan January 7, 2017

I agree with you about being upfront about any topics, like faith and purity, that are key to you. You don’t need to waste your time or his. I’d add talking about views on children pretty early on. That would be a deal breaker that you don’t want to find out later. Thanks for sharing at the #ThisIsHowWeRoll Link Party.
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Yvonne Chase January 12, 2017

@Susan,

Time is our most valuable asset. Once we waste it, we can’t get it back.

Topics like faith, purity, having/raising children and others that could be deal breakers ought to be discussed immediately. You don’t want to get all wrapped up in someone then find out they don’t want to have children or can’t.
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Ami Coote January 11, 2017

I agree 100 thousand percent! Too often we start relationships with the two persons wanting opposite things – the man wants a good time and the woman wants marriage or vice versa. It’s time we started telling the truth. Let 2017 be the year of truth telling.

Well said! Thanks Yvonne.
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Yvonne Chase January 12, 2017

@Ami,

It’s definitely time we started telling the truth. The truth will set us free. I’m all in for 2017 being the year of truth telling. As Susan said in her comment above, we don’t have time to waste.
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Emily Swanson January 16, 2017

Being in a committed relationship is hard, and it is so true sister that we have to be honest about expectations and how we really want to honor our Lord and love Him in our human relationships.

Thank you for reminding me to be honest and truthful; I often struggle with that. In Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors! #MomentsofHope

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Yvonne Chase January 16, 2017

@Emily,

It takes courage to be truthful. When we think about telling the truth vs the consequences of not telling the truth, I believe that process makes it easier to tell the truth.

And yes to your point, we absolutely must be honest about expectations.
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Laurie February 2, 2017

I definitely think it is important to share your beliefs and to make sure that you are on the same page. Deep rooted beliefs and values in one person might not line up with another person – and can cause strife in a relationship. Great post, thanks for sharing!

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