7 Ways To Be Comfortable In Your Skin Before You Marry

by Yvonne Chase on July 10, 2017

Comfortable In My Skin
An article titled 10 Reasons To Be Happy With Yourself Before You Marry landed in my inbox recently. Seven of those things stood out to me. This post highlights a bit of what was shared in that post and how I’ve applied these principles to every area of my life. It is my hope that as I let my light shine and be comfortable in my skin, I give you permission to do the same.

1. You’ll Get In Touch With Who You Are. 
If you’re not in touch with who you are at the core, you could easily make misinformed or misguided decisions about the people you choose to date…or even the person you marry.” I don’t think I can get any more in touch with who I am. I know myself extremely well. That knowledge is why I was able to let go of my last relationship. After taking an extensive Bible-based personality assessment, I am even more in touch with who I am at my core. This keeps me grounded and helps me make sound decisions.

2. You Won’t Feel Like You Need Someone To Complete You.
Not feeling like a complete person can lead you right into the arms of someone who is no good for you, so actively strive to view yourself as a complete person with a full, happy life ahead of you–whether or not you ever marry. If I don’t know anything else, I know for sure that I am a whole person and I need no one to complete me. Jesus makes me whole. It is that primary relationship that completes me, that roots me and gives me my identity. Because of this, I can enjoy living single and avoid the wrong relationship. I will never choose to be with someone because I need to feel complete. Remember that line from Jerry Maguire that is responsible for a whole lot of PMS; poor mate selection? 

3. You’ll Give Yourself Enough Time To Figure Out What You Want And Need In A Spouse.
Whether you’re single or dating, take the time to dig deep and make a list of the qualities you want and need in your future spouse. Then, make another list of deal-breakers, and stick to those lists. I know for sure what I want and need in a spouse and I could identify it in my sleep. Thought I found it, well actually, I found a whole lot of it, however, a deal breaker broke the deal and I had to exit stage left. 

comfortable
4. You’ll Be Less Likely To Get Into An Abusive Relationship. 
“Being happy with yourself will alleviate the desperation so many men and women have to simply feel loved, wanted, and needed by somebody else. Abusive individuals know how to target people who crave those kinds of attention.” A friend and I were talking about life the other day and I said to him, I’m not bragging or anything like that but I thank God I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. I thank God divorce is not a part of my story. I’m grateful I’ve never been to an abortion clinic. I thank God single motherhood is not my life. I’ve never lived with a man or was never promiscuous and willing to do anything for the affections and attention of a man. He said, “That’s not bragging at all. That’s your testimony. Apart from Jesus, all of that could’ve easily been your story, yet with all life has thrown you, you have remained solid and stuck to your core values. Your foundation is unshakeable.” He’s right. God is able and God is keeping me. Thank God for Jesus! 

5. You’ll Develop A Strong Sense Of Independence.
“If you’re not depending on another person to make you happy or fulfill your heart’s desires, you’ll set out on your own to achieve them.” To be very honest with you, sometimes I think my sense of independence is too strong yet I thank God daily for it. The only person I depend on and rely on for everything in my life including my happiness is Jesus Christ. With his help, I have lived and will continue to live a very fulfilling life. To say it’s been an adventure is an understatement. I stay ready to seize every opportunity that comes my way and I can because I don’t need anyone’s approval and I’m solid enough to go it alone. Woo hoo! 

comfortable
6. You’ll Be More Likely To Have Healthy Boundaries In Place.
“When you’re happy with yourself, you practice self-care, and that includes setting up healthy boundaries in your life.” In my last relationship, I was asked why I was single for so long before him. The answer is, I had healthy boundaries in place. Because I have a strong boundary in place around dating a Christian man and living a life of sexual purity until marriage, saying no was easy. You don’t get to ten years of celibacy by putting yourself in compromising relationships. Sure, I could’ve been in lots of relationships prior to meeting him but for what? I never needed to be with somebody just to have somebody and I never needed to be in a relationship to feel significant. I go to bed feeling significant and I wake up feeling significant because of my primary relationship with Jesus Christ. Furthermore, living completely single is way more appealing to me than compromising who I am.

7. You’ll Give Yourself Time To Pursue Interests, Career, Travel And More.
While you’re waiting for the right person, it’s important to use the time you do have as an independent person to explore the life paths and goals that interest you.” Throughout the life of this blog, that is essentially all I’ve ever talked about. Using your season of singleness to pursue life. To try different things and really zero in on who you are as a person. To find out what makes you tick and what ticks you off. Because I’ve taken my own words to heart, I’m clear on the picture I see for my life moving forward. I’ve pursued all kinds of interests, had a couple of different careers and lived in more than a few cities. Travel is something I’d like to do more of. After watching this season of The Bachelorette, I now want to visit Sweden, Norway, and Denmark but not before I take a trip back to my hometown of Nassau Bahamas then Barbados.

Get Comfortable In Your Skin
As the original post says, “Even though marriage is amazing, it is best experienced when two well-rounded individuals–who know themselves well and are happy with who they are–choose to share their lives together.” Agree 100%. Know yourself before you get to know and be known by someone else. Get real comfortable in your skin so that even if you never marry, you will be alright.

Something to think about….

What say you? Were you comfortable in your skin before you married? Were you happy with yourself/your life? What about your spouse? Is there anything self-serving or selfish about being comfortable in your skin and happy with yourself before marriage? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Michele Morin July 10, 2017

This is great advice for pre-marriage. I’m certain that one of the reasons God ordained that my husband and I marry at the ages we did is that we needed to work on this very thing.
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Yvonne Chase July 10, 2017

@Michele,

That’s wonderful. I’m guessing you and your hubby were older when you married?

I know some will disagree with this entire post including the title because they didn’t take the time to do these things, however, I think it is super important to know who we are, have some of our own life experiences and be comfortable in our skin before we take on the serious commitment of marriage.

Not saying you can’t have a successful marriage otherwise, however, I believe those who don’t take the time to do this before marriage experience lingering resentment.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Time For A Check Up; Six Months Down And Six Months To GoMy Profile

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Carol July 10, 2017

Yeah – I thought I had these things figured out – and then you put yourself together with another person, who THINKS they have these things figured out and you realize you do it all over again together! 🙂 I thought I was so old when I got married, and not I look back and I was so young! I’m thankful it’s all worked/working out. This was a good list of advice!

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Yvonne Chase July 11, 2017

@Carol,

Balance is the key in all of this. If we meet someone before we have a chance to do this list, then by all means, go for it. I believe the more comfortable we are in our skin, the better off we will be in every relationship, especially marriage.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…25 Things You Didn’t Know About MeMy Profile

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Blen July 10, 2017

This line right here”I never needed to be with somebody just to have somebody and I never needed to be in a relationship to feel significant. I go to bed feeling significant and I wake up feeling significant because of my primary relationship with Jesus Christ. Furthermore, living completely single is way more appealing to me than compromising who I am.”

The whole post was on point–those lines in particular, though spoke to my heart– and encourages me all the more to be and stay complete in Christ with His help and my yielding.

Excellent advice, Yvonne–thank you!

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Yvonne Chase July 11, 2017

@Blen,

My relationship with Jesus Christ is my LIFE. I would not be here without it and without him. Be and stay complete in him. It’s the best foundation for every area of your life. Our completeness comes from him and him alone. God bless you!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Rachel Lindsay Knows How To Date And You Should Follow Her LeadMy Profile

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Sheila Qualls July 11, 2017

Great info. Relationships work out better when you have yourself figured out. No one will be able to make you happy or feel significant.
Sheila Qualls recently posted…Social Media Can Improve Your Marriage and Here’s HowMy Profile

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