Arranged Marriages
The other day on Twitter, I participated in a #courtship2013 conversation that was all about clarifying the difference between courtship and dating. Then over the weekend I watched the movie Coming to America. Back in the day, parents arranged marriages for their children and presented the intended to their child on his/her 21st birthday. While Eddie Murphy thought his parent’s choice was fine, he wanted to go out and find his own wife.
Found His Queen
Eddie came to America with the specific goal of finding his bride. In the end, after a bit of coaching from Mr. Clarence at the barbershop who schooled him on where to go to meet a good woman, he found his queen at a rally and the rest is history. While that is a movie, I believe we could benefit greatly from following that model specifically men being intentional about finding a wife.
Intentional Act
My contribution to the #courtship2013 conversation in a nutshell was this; courtship and marriage goes hand in hand. The only woman you court is the woman you plan to marry. Courtship is an intentional act by a marriage minded man. In addition, God is involved in courting. Its seeking his will deeply about who you will marry. I shared my post I Don’t Believe in Dating to clarify my definition of a date and how to find the person you want to court.
No Intimacy
Once you meet, your priority is getting to know each other in a very transparent way. One major difference between courting and dating is there is no intimacy while courting. Intimacy comes first in dating then commitment comes much later if at all. Dating is all about instant gratification. Courtship is delayed gratification.
Emotions and Libido
Dating is led by emotions and libido. Courtship involves using your head and your heart simultaneously. It’s a very intentional and intelligent process. The time of courtship is spent in different settings; with close friends and family members engaging in a variety of activities. You want to see each other in as many lights as possible.
Men Court Women
During the chat, a gentleman asked, can women court men? It is 2013 right? Is there anything wrong with it? She who finds a hubby finds a good thing! My answer to that is a resounding no. While the years change, scripture does not. It still says he who finds a wife. Men court women then propose marriage. During courtship, he presents himself to her family. He wants her family to know him. He wants them to see and know his intentions. Her family’s acceptance and approval are very important to him.
Dating Doesn’t Work
Here’s my conclusion to the whole matter; courtship works – dating doesn’t. If you’re not ready for marriage, you should not be going on dates otherwise you might get caught up in today’s dating trap.
Something to think about…
What say you? How do you define courtship? How do you define dating? Does dating work? How do you date? Should you date if you’re not interested in marriage? Would we benefit from following Eddies lead?
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Great post! And thank you again for participating in our discussion last week.
There are definitely some interesting points here. I think as we examine topics such as dating, a very important aspect is the “standards” that we have. So whether or not we’re viewed as right or wrong, it’s good to at least know where we stand and what our standards are.
Keep writing and sharing!
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-Gee James
@Gee James
Thanks for starting the discussion. Standards play a very important part in the world of courting and dating.
Hi! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted
to give a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your blog
posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same
subjects? Thank you so much!
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