Divorced People Need Love Too But I Don’t Know If You Should Marry One

by Yvonne Chase on May 13, 2017

A Deep Place Of Worship
Today I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep. This doesn’t happen often, however, when it does, I usually reach for my phone to listen to a sermon from my pastor or a podcast from Focus On The Family or Family Talk. When I picked up my phone, there was a notification from YouTube with an alert about new material from a church that sings a song I listen to throughout my day. I keep this song on repeat because it takes me to a deep place of worship and literally blesses every part of my life. I’m listening to it now as I write.

Ready To Do Bible Study
Instead of listening to their suggestion, I scrolled down and listened to a sermon that caught my eye titled, How To Determine Who To Marry. At 4:30 in the morning, I had my notebook, Bible, pen, and highlighter out ready to do Bible study.  The pastor started out with text from 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (ESV) which says, 

Principles for Marriage

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Joyful Or A Nightmare
He went on to say, “Next to accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, who I marry is the next important decision I will make. Agree 100%. Who I marry can make my life joyful or a nightmare. He offered up five points to support the title of his sermon.

Headed In The Same Direction
Point number one was I must know his salvation status which was followed up with, “Do not marry a person who is not a believer in Jesus Christ. He clarified that with, “Just because he goes to church, doesn’t mean he’s a born again Christian. The ideal scenario is two growing Christians headed in the same direction. He needs to know Jesus for himself before he can know you.”

Everybody Is Divorced
Point number four was about marrying a divorced person. His stance on it is, one woman, married to one man for one lifetime. He does not believe in marrying a divorcee and that is where I will focus for the remainder of this post. If marrying a divorcee is wrong then God help the rest of us who want to marry. Everybody is divorced! Well not everybody but you know what I mean.  Anyway, back to the sermon where the pastor offered up a couple of verses to support his stance.

To marry or not to marry a divorced person

1 Corinthians 7:10-11:

divorced

Matthew 19:3-6, 9-10

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”[a]10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

Mark 10:11-12:

divorced
Thriving Divorce Ministry
While watching this part of the message, I was taken back to my church in California that had a thriving divorce ministry. What baffled me about it was the absence of a singles ministry, bible study group or whatever you want to call it to keep us out of the divorce ministry. How do you validate a thriving divorce ministry with nothing to counteract it? Studies show 60% of divorced people who remarry end in divorce.

Stay Married
Perhaps if we teach singles how to first live a godly life according to the Bible, then choose a mate according to Gods outline, then teach us how to be husbands and wives, maybe, just maybe we could all stay married and not just stay married but actually enjoy marriage, but I guess that would make too much sense huh? 

Something to think about…

What say you? Where do you stand on marrying a divorced person? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Michele Morin May 14, 2017

Circumstances certainly differ, but divorce does complicate things.
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Yvonne Chase May 15, 2017

@Michele,

You’re right; divorce does complicate things and that is why I wrote this post. Circumstances do differ. I’ve encountered a few divorced people who seem to carry a sting from their failed marriage. Not sure if anyone fully heals from divorce or if they ever heal enough to successfully remarry.
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Shannon May 15, 2017

There is a lot of disagreement about this question in the church, so it is definitely something we need to humble ourselves and study the Word/pray about until we find clarification.
This statement you made is so important: “Perhaps if we teach singles how to first live a godly life according to the Bible, then choose a mate according to Gods outline, then teach us how to be husbands and wives, maybe, just maybe we could all stay married…”
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Yvonne Chase May 15, 2017

@Shannon,

I don’t understand how a church could have such a thriving divorce ministry yet not think they need to put something in place to keep singles out of that ministry. There were hundreds of people in the divorce ministry.

To be very honest, that ministry turned me off to the church. If so many people are divorced, something is missing at the top; leadership don’t you think?
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Donna Reidland May 15, 2017

Good Morning, Yvonne,

I love how you’re not afraid to wade in and ask hard questions. I, also, love the fact that you are so committed to challenging yourself and other singles to honor God where you are in order to prepare for whatever future God has for you, whether married or single!

Thanks for asking me to comment. Here are a few thoughts from my study and reading:

Jesus said, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” So, while I believe that many marriages can and should be restored in those situations, especially when there is genuine repentance, I believe the person who was sinned against in that way, does have the freedom to divorce.

Also, in the 1 Corinthians 7 passage, if we keep reading it says:

12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

God’s inspired Word expands on Jesus’ statement on divorce by saying the believer is not under bondage if an unbelieving spouse does not want to be married to them and leaves the marriage.

These are the two biblical grounds for divorce for believers and, if divorce is biblically allowable, I believe a person in that situation is also free to remarry.

I think the other situation would be if a person was divorced before he or she was saved.

There certainly are other considerations in the area of wisdom, concerning that person’s walk with God, have they truly forgiven and worked on the areas where they contributed to the issues.

Certainly, God is a God of grace, forgiveness and restoration in all circumstances, when there is repentance and a desire to live rightly.

I’ve taken the liberty of adding this link to a post I wrote. You you prefer not to have links in the comments, feel free to remove it.

http://donnareidland.com/biblical-grounds-for-divorce-july-24/

Also, Jay Adams book “Divorce & Remarriage in the Bible” is a great resource (I believe that’s the title.)

Forgive the length of my comment. It’s hard to explain all this briefly. In fact, there is so much more I could say.

Blessings on your continued ministry and your heart, my sweet sister!
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helene May 15, 2017

I love the brave way you took this right back to scripture. I also love the focus on making marriage work better!
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Yvonne Chase May 15, 2017

@Helene,

Scripture is my standard for living. It’s where I find answers for everything.

I believe making marriage work better ought to be the focus since divorce seems to be running rampant these days. The church ought to set a better example don’t you think?
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Brandi Raae May 16, 2017

Divorce is certainly messy. My husband and I just celebrated 20 years of marriage. Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The uniting of 2 sinners into one isn’t easy. Even though there have been a lot of ups and downs, we’re committed to staying the course, especially because both of our parents have been divorced multiple times. Having so many step-parents can be exhausting. And parents always expect you to act like one big happy family even if it keeps getting torn apart. Not fun.

Such a sensitive topic, and Christians must continue to seek direction from the Bible instead of what people feel or what culture thinks.

Thanks for linking up with Literacy Musing Mondays!
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Yvonne Chase May 16, 2017

@Brandi Raae,

Happy Anniversary. Congratulations on celebrating 20 years. Marriage is difficult. Uniting two sinners is definitely not easy.

Divorce is definitely a sensitive topic. Knowing the truth about it according to Gods word is why I took the time to write this post.

We have veered so far off from Gods plan that singles like me can’t get away from meeting a divorced person. I hope to be a catalyst he uses to turn this ship around.
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