DNA Does Not Guarantee A Wedding Invitation

by Yvonne Chase on June 4, 2017

Checking It Twice
Wedding season is upon us. Brides and grooms are making their guests lists and checking it twice to make sure they include DNA aka family members and to make sure they didn’t forget anyone. They’re also looking at it closely to see which names they can cut to keep the guest list from getting out of control.

Got Rid Of The Guest List
Carrie Bradshaw did it in the movie Sex and The City. Her initial list was 75 people then it grew to 300. In the end, she and Big got rid of the guest list and went to the courthouse. Immediately following, they went to brunch with their close friends.

DNA
Married To DNA Does Not Guarantee An Invite
The title of this post came about after watching the latest episode of Married at First Sight. I tweeted it out after watching Sheila have an argument with her father because her sister did not attend her wedding. I followed that tweet up with; married to DNA does not guarantee an invite either. Unfortunately, spouses and boyfriends of siblings don’t always get along. 

Unlimited Budget
Okay, here’s what happened with Sheila. Because she married on TV, she and her now husband Nate could only invite 25 people each. Whether you marry on TV or not, you simply cannot invite everyone to your wedding unless you have the luxury of an unlimited budget. Most people don’t. Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…

The Most Important Day Of My Life
I agree with Sheila’s stance. DNA aka family members and those attached do not automatically get an invite. Like Sheila, I look at you as an individual and the relationship we have. The image up top speaks my heart. If we don’t have a great relationship or a relationship at all, the invite goes to someone else. 

Bad Energy
Like Sheila said, it’s my wedding day and I want to be surrounded by love. Furthermore, I come from a big family and fully understand everyone simply cannot receive an invite. I’d rather have a small wedding attended by people who genuinely love me, celebrate me, and want the best for me like Carrie did than a big party filled with the opposite. Quality relationships over quantity are what matter to me.

I Didn’t Get An Invite
The flip side of this entire conversation is also true for me. Don’t feel obligated to invite me to your wedding just because we share the same DNA. I won’t be mad at you nor will you ever hear me say, I didn’t get an invite. Weddings are expensive especially if you go the traditional route with a ceremony at a church then a catered sit-down reception. 

You Have An Edge In Marriage
In an article titled Wedding Size and Marital Success: Going Big On A Budget, the writers ask a question that never crossed my mind; “Ever wonder about whether the size of a wedding relates to marital quality and divorce?” According to the Before, I Do Report, you have an edge in marriage if you have more attendees at your wedding. Here’s what they say; 

There is some reason to believe that having more witnesses at a wedding may actually strengthen marital quality. According to the work of psychologist Charles Kiesler (1971), commitment is strengthened when it is publicly declared because individuals strive to maintain consistency between what they say and what they do.

We try to keep our present attitudes and behaviors in line with our past conduct. The desire for consistency is likely enhanced by public expressions of intention. Social scientist Paul Rosenblatt applied this idea specifically to marriage (Rosenblatt, 1977). He theorized that, early in a marriage, marital stability and commitment would be positively associated with the ceremonial effort and public nature of a couple’s wedding. Rosenblatt specifically suggested that holding a big wedding with many witnesses would lead to a stronger desire—or even need—to follow through on the commitment.

The benefits of having more witnesses at your wedding may come from both the psychological consequences of making a very public declaration of commitment (which should increase follow through) and from having more friends and family who see your relationship as something to rally around, root for, and support. The types of weddings associated with lower likelihood of divorce are those that are relatively inexpensive but are high in attendance.

Work A Little Harder At Keeping Your Vows
When Carrie and Big’s guest list shot up to 300, he was mortified. He said to Carrie,”This is my third wedding. How do you think it’s gonna make me look?” That never crossed her mind. Maybe the study is on to something. If you spend the money and invite 300 people, maybe you will work a little harder at keeping your vows. I don’t know, the dots on this don’t connect for me. Do they connect for you?

It’s Their Day Not Yours
The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $27,000. If you’re spending that kind of money, you have the right to invite whomever you choose. DNA may or may not make the cut and that’s okay. No explanation needed. Don’t take it personally if you don’t get an invite. Remember, it’s their day, not yours. Be happy for them and send a gift.

DNA
Something to think about…

What say you? Do you think having more witnesses at a wedding strengthens marital quality? Does DNA, aka family members automatically get an invite?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Trina Taylor June 4, 2017

Thank you for writing this. My husband and I are in the thick of assisting our son with his wedding plans. Our family is large. Everyone is not getting an invite. We don’t have an unlimited budget.

I believe family members ought to be more understanding during this time especially those of us with large families.

When I watched that episode, I agreed with Sheila. A sisters boyfriend is not a family member. Her sister should’ve been more understanding and communicated the guest list limitations to her boyfriend. Doesn’t seem like she and her sister have a good relationship so that’s probably why she chose not to attend.

Reply

Yvonne Chase June 4, 2017

@Trina,

I’ve been in a couple of weddings and I’ve attended a ton of weddings. I’ve been a part of guest list conversations. In cases like yours, Sheila and others, I believe the family members need to be understanding.

They have to know the expense of a wedding. That ought to let them cut the couple a lot of slack which is why I said I don’t get an invitation simply because we’re related. I totally get it.

Congratulations on your son’s wedding. Hopefully, you figure out the guest list in peace and those that don’t get an invite understand and don’t take it personally. It’s not personal.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Change Your Last Name To His Last Name When You Say I DoMy Profile

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Julie June 4, 2017

A lot of food for thought here:) I guess I didn’t think twice about inviting family members because I figured if I didn’t there would be family divisions and hurts. Keeping the peace is sometimes priceless;)

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Yvonne Chase June 5, 2017

@Julie,

There are two sides to the coin. While family members expect an invitation, it would be nice if family members also considered the budget of the bride and groom.

Now would be a great time to serve up an extra measure of understanding and not take it personally or be hurt and cause divisions simply because they didn’t receive an invite.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Differences Are A Gift To Our Relationship If We Handle Them With CareMy Profile

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Anna June 4, 2017

As Christians, our lives should be about loving others – not “It’s MY day!” and my invitees must celebrate ME! It should be about loving and including our family and friends, not about feeding our own ego. If we have a smaller per-guest budget (forego the self-aggrandizing hotel reception and favor a small Church hall reception with cake and punch, for example), then we can afford to love & include EVERYONE we care about. And, if we don’t care about our own DNA enough to include them and not hurt their feelings, we cannot be very Christian – as the Bible says, how can we claim to love God when we hate our brother?

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Sharon G June 5, 2017

Anna,

This post is the reason my then fiance and I chose a destination wedding. Lets face it, as much as we love our families, some of us don’t get along or have a relationship. The only thing that connects some of us is our DNA; even those of us that are Christians. God bless you that you don’t have such dysfunction in your family.

To avoid hurt feelings and cause any further division plus to save money (we didn’t want to spend a lot on one day) we got married on the beautiful island of Hawaii and spent ten days there on our honeymoon. Ten years later, we wouldn’t change a thing.

Our families completely understood and wished us well. That’s really all we could ask for.

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Yvonne Chase June 4, 2017

@Anna

Not sure how you arrived at hate but I’ll leave that right there and say this if our DNA doesn’t care enough to extend an extra dose of understanding toward wedding costs, budgets, limited guests lists and all that goes into planning a wedding, how can they claim love?
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Divorced People Need Love Too But I Don’t Know If You Should Marry OneMy Profile

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