Dysfunction, Family Matters, And The Bachelorette

by Yvonne Chase on July 13, 2017

Marry Their Family
They say when you marry, you not only marry the person, you marry their family too and their dysfunction. Rachel Lindsay, our current Bachelorette is in the final stages of finding a match and now it’s time to get to know the families of the four men left standing. One of those men is black; Eric and the other are three are white. On the latest episode, Rachel had one on one dates with each of the men to see whose family she will meet next week.

Told His Truth
All of the guys come from families that seem to be well and intact, however, Dean has a bit of dysfunction in his family. He was nervous to share this with Rachel because it could possibly send him home. Thankfully, he bit the bullet of courage and told his truth. Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…

Family Dysfunction
I’ve never Googled the term family dysfunction, however, while writing this post, I decided to do so and here is what I found. Wikipedia says:

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal.

Make Or Break Your Relationship
90% of families are dealing with some kind of dysfunction which means you might be one of those families or you could end up dating someone from a dysfunctional family. Just because dysfunction is present, doesn’t mean the person is not dateable. How you choose to deal with the dysfunction can make or break your relationship.

dysfunction
Wisdom And Strength
Judging the family of your significant other and using that as a barometer of how your family life with her could be is probably not the best idea. Some people who come from dysfunction and can call it what it is make up their minds that as long as it depends on them, things will be different in their relationship. They ask God for the wisdom and strength to go down a different street and not repeat the dysfunction. The dysfunction stops with them.

The Buck Stops Here
In this instance, the dysfunction has served a great purpose and worked together for good. The romantic partner is now blessed to be with someone who has stared dysfunction in the face and has decided that with God’s help, the buck stops here. This will not repeat in my life or family. That’ s a blessing! We repeat what we don’t face. 

Productive Approach
Looking at the heart of the person and how they operate in the situation is probably a more productive approach. Think about the amount of courage it takes to tell an ugly truth. That person must think something of you to share something so personal with you. Appreciate that and applaud it.

Critical Component To Success
Rachel wasn’t looking to find a family like her family. She understood where Dean was coming from. She listened attentively and she was able to show empathy; something I think we need a lot more of today. Empathy is defined as the identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. Empathy opens our eyes to another point of view. It helps us understand how the other person feels. It’s a critical component to success in all types of relationships. 

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Fight The Good Fight
In spite of Dean’s background, he still became an amazing man. That’s not always the case. Sometimes dysfunction can ruin us. Other times we rise above and continue to fight the good fight. Dean is fighting the good fight. He has not let his family dysfunction stop him from putting himself out there on the world’s stage to find love nor is he living in shame because of it and neither should you.

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you ever dated or married someone from a dysfunctional family? Would you or would it be a turn-off? How important is practicing envy in our relationships?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

KellyRBaker July 14, 2017

“We repeat what we don’t face.” Amen to that!

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Yvonne Chase July 16, 2017

@KellyRBaker,

Many of us don’t want to face the dysfunction in our families. Some have taken on a haughty spirit as if they’re better than. Others have vowed, my family will be different, however, it won’t be different if we don’t face and deal with the ugliness. It will repeat.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Kevin Durant Moved On To Get A Ring And So Should You Single LadyMy Profile

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Tammi July 15, 2017

Wonderful observation. We either take it head on or avoid & deny. Head on is always the best way!

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Yvonne Chase July 15, 2017

@Tammi,

Head on works best for me. I’m a firm believer of knowing what you’re getting into before you get into it. When we know all the details or as much as we can know, we can make the best decision for ourselves.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…7 Ways To Be Comfortable In Your Skin Before You MarryMy Profile

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Char July 15, 2017

Hi Yvonne! I like to know too!! I’m not sure if I’ve ever met anyone from the 10% that isn’t dysfunctional!! haha! I think we’re all a little crazy if we’re honest….. But God helps us through!!!

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Yvonne Chase July 16, 2017

@Char,

Right there with you. If we’re honest, we’re all a little crazy but God definitely helps us through. He has many ways of keeping us near the cross and family dysfunction is just one of those ways.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Rachel Lindsay Knows How To Date And You Should Follow Her LeadMy Profile

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Roseann Hampton July 15, 2017

Great advice! Thanks for sharing on The Blogger’s Pit Stop!

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Victoria July 16, 2017

I come from a very dysfunctional family, and we all know how dysfunctional it was. What I find funny is my husbands family was just as dysfunctional but in a different way and they all think it was Ozzie and Harriet land that they lived in. Maybe it takes an outsider to see some things.

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Yvonne Chase July 16, 2017

@Victoria,

Interesting…those of us that think we aren’t dysfunctional are usually the most dysfunctional. Definitely, takes an outsider to see it. Sometimes we can’t see what’s really going on when we’re so close to it.
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Leona Harris July 16, 2017

I can relate to Rachel and I also can relate to your experience. First time watching because a black woman is in the driver’s seat. About time

My family was highly dysfunctional when I met my husband. He was my Rachel. He didn’t judge me because of it nor did he make me responsible for it.

He appreciated my honesty and never held it against me or use it against me. I’m glad he didn’t. Rachel’s approach is best. You can’t blame one person for an entire family’s dysfunction and its definitely not nice to hold it against them.

Empathy is important in relationships especially in tough situations like family dysfunction. Love the graphic

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Naomi fata July 17, 2017

I ccould me from a dysfunctional family – and as I began an adult I had to learn to look at what was healthy from my past and what wasn’t – you have some really good points here. Thanks for sharing – visiting you from fresh market Friday

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Yvonne Chase July 17, 2017

@Naomi,

Excellent point. It’s so important to look at what’s healthy from our past and what isn’t. That’s the only way to not repeat it.
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Ruth July 17, 2017

I think empathy is definitely a good character trait. Even Jesus put Himself in our shoes when He came to earth.
I also agree that a person who does not recognize the dysfunction of his/her family is very likely to repeat it. I think we need to do more than just recognize it; we need to study and learn better ways to do relationships. That can come from various places: sermons on the subject, Bible study on family relationships, counseling, reading books on how to do relationships in a godly way, and blogs on family relationships, for example.

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Yvonne Chase July 17, 2017

@Ruth,

So glad Jesus put himself in our shoes when he came to earth. He is our best example of empathy.

Studying and learning better ways to do relationships is a must and I like all of your suggestions on how to go about it.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…25 Things You Didn’t Know About MeMy Profile

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