Face It And End It Otherwise You Will Repeat It

by Yvonne Chase on September 6, 2017

Face It And End It

Rule Our Lives
Last night while watching Being Mary Jane, I was reminded of the importance of knowing our family dynamic, patterns, and behaviors. When we know what we come from, specifically, the negative dynamic that rules our lives, we can face it and end it.

Much Of It Has Been Repeated
I had a conversation recently with a colleague about the dynamics of my family because I just learned my mother’s mother, my grandmother, died in the exact same way as my mother from the same ailment. I had no idea. We continued to talk about other family dynamics I’ve seen over the years, specifically in the area of relationships where much of it has been repeated. 

Change Course
If we don’t know what we come from, we can easily go through life repeating behaviors until our lives spin out of control. Some of you reading this have unknowingly repeated a family dynamic and will end up with the same result if you don’t change course. 

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Ruled And Ruined
Mary Jane Paul, played by Gabrielle Union, came to terms with a dynamic in her family that has ruled and ruined all of her romantic relationships. I’m so glad she finally got to the root of it. Her behavior in relationships annoyed me to the point that I stopped watching for a minute.

Just Be Alone
I couldn’t understand why she kept going from one man to the next. Why she could never just be alone and enjoy her own company and why on earth did she screw up her great relationship with Lee; a man who finally adored her and cherished her in a way she’d been craving for so long.

Sordid Details
In last nights’ episode, Mary Jane learned her parents’ (Helen and Paul) marriage of 40+ years is over. Helen had an affair with Frank and produced a son Patrick that Paul thought was his all along. When Paul found out the sordid details, he asked for a divorce. 

Relationship Troubles
In a very heated, in your face argument with her mother, Mary Jane finally realized the root of her romantic relationship troubles. At the beginning of the season, Mary Jane met Lee and they entered into a great relationship that she sabotaged by sleeping with her producer Justin with whom she is now in a relationship. 

Relationship Dysfunction
Mary Jane has been following in her mothers’ footsteps since season one. She gets all of her relationship dysfunction and the skill of sabotaging relationships directly from her mama. 

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Fireworks And Passion
In a moment of painful honesty, Mary Jane told her mother she always wanted her life; an amazing supportive good husband, the house, and kids and Helen admitted she wanted Mary Jane’s life; a life of fireworks and passion.

Bumps In The Road
She said to MJ, “Your independence is a blessing. I know I’ve been overly critical at times but secretly, I admire the way you just navigate your life. Through the bumps in the road and all. I wish I could’ve lived my life like that.”

Want The Life You Have
Here’s the kicker; both of their lives are in shambles and that is why one of the ten commandments; “Thou shalt not covet” is something we ought to remember. Want the life you have. At least you know what it is. We have no idea about another person’s life unless we’re walking in their shoes.

Down To The Letter
I don’t know how I got this awareness but I’ve been studying my family’s patterns and behaviors for years. It’s so important to do this while we’re single because who we attract, date and marry stems from our family dynamic. If we’re not aware, we will repeat all of it down to the letter.


It Ends Right Here Right Now
At the end of the episode, Mary Jane had a conversation with Patrick and she said something very important to him; “Our troubles, my need to create drama in every relationship and your substance abuse issues are rooted in our family dynamic. We’re not our parents Patrick. All our drama and our baggage…we can say it ends right here right now.” Exactly! Once we are aware, we can end it right now.

Touched And Agreed
After the conversation with my colleague who happens to be a Christian woman, she prayed with me and together we touched and agreed that all of it; the negative patterns, behaviors, and ailments end right now in Jesus name. When we’re aware of our past, we can take it all to Jesus and leave it there.

Face It And End It
In closing, I will leave you with this; while you’re going on dates swiping left and right, take some time away to study your family dynamic, patterns and behaviors and end it otherwise you will end up like MJ in a repeat cycle. Face it and end it!

Something to think about…

What say you? How did family dynamics affect your dating life/marriage? Did you carry over any generational patterns and behaviors into your relationship/marriage? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post even if you don’t like it. Someone else might…

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Sue Donaldson September 6, 2017

This topic isn’t talked about enough. We are who we came from – the deeper truth is: as believers, we have an exchanged life/orgin. So. We begin there. Again, every day. Well said, friend.
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2017

@Sue,

Yes, indeed. We are what we come from. The sooner we realize it the better. Denying it, trying to avoid, acting as if what we come from isn’t real puts us on the fast track to repeating the things we don’t want to repeat.

And thank you for the reminder that as believers, we have an exchanged life/origin.
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~Karrilee~ September 6, 2017

Oh yes… we have been having this conversation around our table for awhile now, as our girlie is engaged and becoming a Mama. Knowing what you don’t want to repeat is not enough… we must get new tools, or we will revert back to the old familiar ones!

For me –my parents and both of my siblings met and fell in love with their future spouses at the age of 14. NO THANK YOU… I was determined to live a little first and find out who I was on my own. (God’s funny though – as I did meet my husband at 14 –but only briefly and we met again at the ripe old age of 21… so I didn’t live a LOT of life, but I was growing into knowing who I was and we’ve been together ever since. Both of us –talking about what we liked in our family history and what we didn’t want to repeat! Great post!
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2017

@Karrilee,

You’re right…knowing what we don’t want to repeat is not enough. Hopefully, that knowledge leads us to get new tools. I know it did for me and that is why I mentioned counseling, therapy, speaking with a pastor etc in this post. Each of us is wounded. We all come from something.

It’s great that you and your husband talked about what you want to take and leave behind from your family history. Couples definitely need to have that conversation.
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Karen Woodall September 6, 2017

I have a friend who is a relationship disaster as well. She develops good connections then sabotages them. It’s baffling, but I know 100% the cycle of destruction is rooted in her upbringing too, yet she refuses to see it. Very sad situations all around!
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Yvonne Chase September 6, 2017

@Karen,

I hope your friend finds her way. Perhaps you can pass this on to her. Maybe it will shed some light. Unfortunately, she is not alone. Much of our relationship dysfunction is rooted in our upbringing.
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Donna Reidland September 7, 2017

Too often we do learn what’s lived out around us, don’t we! But the good news, as you pointed out, is we don’t need to continue down those dysfunctional roads any longer!
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Yvonne Chase September 7, 2017

@Donna,

Yes, we do! Thank God for Jesus that we can get off the road of dysfunction and walk on the road of deliverance.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…#BlackLove Is All I’ve Ever Seen And KnownMy Profile

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Robin September 7, 2017

Hello, Yvonne! I loved your post although it was a spoiler since I am behind in my seasons and episodes of Being Mary Jane (lol). I’m also happy to know that I’m not the only one who recognizes MJ’s relationship sabotage! I do need to take some time off from the series here and there because her recklessness drives me nuts! But, you shared some great insight as to generational curses that are carried through families. I have a wonderful friend and Christian counselor who has shared so much about the impact and influences of generational curses and the importance of breaking these chains. I encourage anyone to write out their behavior and pray through each of them to break the chains. It is so freeing! Thank you for sharing!

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Yvonne Chase September 7, 2017

@Robin,

OMG! Her behavior drives me beyond NUTS!!! I completely understand you taking a break from the series. I had to do the same. Couldn’t take it.

I, too, have a wonderful Christian counselor who has spent a lot of time with me as I reviewed my family dynamic +generational curses, patterns, and behaviors. Working with her has been absolutely freeing.
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Dianne Thornton September 8, 2017

Good Stuff, Yvonne! When I was dating, I gave my date’s family as much scrutiny as I did my date. It’s important to look at his family history as well! Glad to visit here today!

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Yvonne Chase September 8, 2017

@Diane,

Great point. Looking at his family is equally important. Thanks for adding that important piece to the conversation.
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Liz September 8, 2017

So much wisdom here! Goodness knows marriage is hard enough even without the baggage of repeated familial patterns. My mom coached me through some of this very same thing after she divorced my dad for cheating on her. And I’m so thankful she did because I was able to deal with and put an end to those patterns before getting married! Blessings!
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Yvonne Chase September 8, 2017

@Liz,

What a blessing that your mother saw the importance of coaching you through this important work before you said I do. If she hadn’t, you probably would’ve ended up in her shoes. So glad you didn’t. Blessings to you and your marriage.
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Alisha Blue September 8, 2017

Yvonne,

So glad I ran across your post on Instagram! I used to watch Being Mary Jane and grew tired of the story line reflecting all her different relationships – glad they decided to get to the root of her problem. Although, she is a fictional character, she is a reflection of a lot women including myself.

The past year or so, God has really shown me my family dynamics – both the good and bad – and how they affect my own personal behavior in friendships and relationships. And in this time of singleness (and getting completely alone – no relationship) I’ve been working on understanding that I can take what was good (and there was a lot of good) about my parents relationship and leave what was bad. Understanding that I am not my parents – my life will be lived differently.

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Yvonne Chase September 8, 2017

@Alisha,

Good for you. It’s so important to take some time away from dating to really look at lives and see what’s working, what’s not and what we need to change so that we can be our best selves in the dynamic relationships we desire.

Wishing you the best as you separate the good from the bad and create a new blueprint for your life and relationships.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A Speck, A Plank And Fighting Our Way To Great RelationshipsMy Profile

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Christin Baker September 11, 2017

What an important post!! You are so right that we must understand the patterns of our own family to better comprehend why we do what we do in our own relationships. I am so glad you had the chance to pray with your colleague. We all need to remember that when Jesus went to the cross and said “It is finished”, he took every negative pattern and generational curse with him and obliterated them! It is not until we recognize this that we can truly gain victory over our past. Thanks for sharing!

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