Fear Of Commitment, Divorce, And Marriage

by Yvonne Chase on November 4, 2016

Fear Of Commitment
I’m amazed every time I hear a man profess his fear of commitment yet, that same man has no fear of sleeping around with random women.  He’s not afraid of commitment; he simply doesn’t want to commit.  How many things are we afraid of in life yet we feel the fear and do it anyway? This post came about after reading about actor Hill Harper and his fear of commitment.  I’m not suggesting Hill is a man who sleeps around, however, there are many men like Hill who profess their absolute fear of commitment yet they sleep around with whosoever will, putting their lives in danger.

Busted Her Man
Just last week I watched the new reality show Money, Power, Respect and one of the ladies busted her man cold cheating on her.  She was hurt by his cheating however, she was even more hurt that he cheated on her and didn’t care enough to use a condom.  You see, they were having unprotected sex in their “committed” relationship.  By the time she uncovered it all, she found out he’d slept around on her with at least six women.  After kicking him to the curb, she took an HIV test and thankfully, the results were negative.  

His Parents Are Divorced
Back to Hill, who says his relationships have not worked because of his fear of commitment, that’s probably born out of the fact that his parents are divorced.  He also says, “All relationships are not supposed to end in marriage.”  Many people say, unless you plan to marry him/her, you shouldn’t be dating him/her.  What say you?

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Remaining A Virgin
I read about Hill Harper’s commitment phobia at another website where one of the comments jumped out at me. The reader said, “I don’t think everyone is supposed to be married. I think society has made marriage something everyone needs to do before they die. That’s just not the case.” Guess what, everyone is supposed to be married unless you are one of the few created to live an unmarried life while remaining a virgin.  That’s the key right there; remaining a virgin which means no sex of any kind with anyone. Paul has a lot to say about the single life, sex and marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 : 

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2-6 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.  Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 8-9 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should, by all means, go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

Without Sex Of Any Kind
If you’re having random sex, then yes, you’re supposed to be married. Very few people have the gift of remaining single without sex of any kind.  I know two people personally; a male in his 50’s who has remained a virgin and a woman in her early 50’s who is still a virgin.  Outside of them, I don’t know anyone else.  God created sex for marriage only.  If you want to have sex, you need to find a spouse otherwise, no sex for you. Until you find a spouse, God will keep you from a life of fornication and promiscuity, if you want to be kept.  Of course, that’s not the world we live in.  

Another Reason Not To Marry
When we speak about commitment and sex, marriage is the prerequisite. It’s the only true commitment no matter how many times it ends in divorce.  Thought I’d put that out there for those of you who’d throw that in there as yet another reason not to marry.  No matter how many people get divorced, marriage is still a good thing when done God’s way.  Let me say this in closing, if you’re afraid of commitment, you ought to be terrified of sleeping around.

Hill
Something to think about…

What say you? Is fear of commitment real or is it made up? Is everyone supposed to be married? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Clarke November 10, 2016

I very much appreciate the way you’re using your platform to challenge common cultural ideas about sex. We’ve forsaken God’s way and are reaping the consequences. Thank you for pointing us back to God’s truth, and for sharing with us at Grace & Truth!
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Yvonne Chase November 10, 2016

@Jennifer,

We have definitely forsaken Gods way and we are definitely reaping the consequences.

Being a messenger of God’s truth isn’t always easy. Your comment encourages me to stay the course.

Thank you.
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William M Bunch November 16, 2016

I never felt the single life was for me, yet back then I believed that mind frame hurt me to where I’d settle for anyone that resembled what I assumed I was supposed to be with. Things are different now that I’ve found the woman God has for me to spend my life with. We’re doing all we can to stay the course of holding off until marriage. Reading this just reassures me that I’m headed in the right direction. Thank you, Ms. Chase

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Yvonne Chase March 23, 2017

@William,

You are welcome. Stay the course!
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Anthony November 26, 2016

Fear of commitment is real for some but it is a fear that should and can be conquered.

I don’t think everyone should be married, the fact that there are more women than men proves that fact

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Yvonne Chase March 23, 2017

@Anthony,

I don’t believe fear of commitment is real. I believe fear of commitment is an excuse used when one person doesn’t want to commit to the other. That one person is usually the man who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
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Shinehoft Law March 23, 2017

We’ve spurned God’s direction and are harvesting the results. Much obliged to you for guiding us back toward God’s truth.

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Yvonne Chase March 23, 2017

@Shinehoft Law,

You’re 100% correct. The consequences of disobedience are dire!
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