No Need To Brag About It
Are you one of those married people who are smug towards single people? I ask because I’ve come across a few, specifically women who seem to take pleasure in trying to make singles feel less than.  They’re extremely smug and boost themselves by disparaging the status of singles.  They come off as if they are superior to you because they have a husband.  They play the comparison game and brag as if their life is better than yours.  While no one can make us feel inferior without our consent, some definitely try.  The truth of the matter is, when you’re truly comfortable in your status, there’s no need to brag about it.

Freak of Nature
I receive a weekly devotional via email and something very powerful stood out to me in the last entry.  It said, “We should affirm those who choose to remain single.  Singles don’t need our sympathy; they deserve our respect!  After reading that, I cheered, yes! Yes! And Yes!  That’s why I became the Single Woman’s Cheerleader; to affirm single women.  It takes courage to be single in a world that tries to make you feel like a freak of nature because you’re not coupled up or married.  It takes courage not to settle when everyone around you is.  It takes courage to say “No” and hold out for Gods best.  It takes courage to hold fast to your non-negotiables, values, standards and boundaries.  It takes courage to follow Gods unique plan for your life when everyone wants you to do otherwise.

Not Her Cup of Tea
I talk to countless women day in and day out who are in relationships because they don’t have the courage to be alone.  Just last week while watching the game at happy hour, I sat next to a woman and we began to chat it up.  She told me she’s been dating a guy for the past year who is not her cup of tea yet she stays because she hasn’t met anybody else and he’s really not that bad.  After listening to all the ways they are a mismatch, I thought to myself, yes he is that bad and you won’t meet anyone else if you continue to give him your time.  I don’t know about you but I’d rather be with me than in a situation that will never work for me.

Applaud, Support, Encourage
Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure of having four married couples in my life that applaud me, support me and encourage me.  Joel and Geneva is one of those couples who loved on me and included me in their lives until they moved a few years ago.  When I moved to Los Angeles eight years ago with no family in sight, they were my family.  I miss our walks to Trader Joe’s then back home to their place to whip up a nice dinner and enjoy it over titillating talk.  Tim and Celeste back in Brooklyn have listened too many of my dating stories and even hosted a brunch at their home for one of my Match.com dates.  Mel and Lena included me in their weekly family dinners that brought out my inner child with their four children and Pastor Ron and his wife in Florida pray for me and tip their hat to me for not compromising who I am for the sake of a relationship.  They have all added so much to my life without ever being smug.

Smug Married Club
I like Linsdley Lowell’s take on this in her piece Single Women, Married Women: Why I Refuse to Join the Smug Married Club.  She says, “Getting married does not make you a superior person.   It’s a regular part of life and millions do it all the time.   Overall, I think the best game plan is to always remember my single days and what it felt like to be pitied and made to feel like a sub-human being.   If I can remember these feelings, then I can still relate to single people with intelligence and kindness, rather than accusation and stupidity.   My single friends still like to hang out with me and I love to hear their dating stories.  To be honest, they are much more entertaining than the married folks.”

Something to think about…

What say you? Are you a proud member of the Smug Married Club? How do you support the single people in your life?

The post Singles Deserve Respect Not Smug appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

God First
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” is a popular verse found in Matthew 6:33 quoted by Christians all over the land. That verse came to mind the other day as I thought about relationships.  Last week I did a whole blog series about marrying young and this verse made me reflect a bit.   Later that week, I saw a tweet by Dr. Ruth Westheimer that mentioned a new strain of the STD gonorrhea that’s supposed to be worse than AIDS.

Sooner Than Later
No lie, the first thought that came to mind was, if I had a kid, my priority would be getting him or her to the altar sooner than later.  Why? Because the longer he/she is single, the stronger the chances of living an impure/immoral life.  I only know a couple of young people and when I say young, I mean under 25 who are committed to purity until marriage and I don’t know any Christian young person under 25 thinking about finding a mate or being a mate.  Pop culture has invaded the church and we have adopted many of its ways.

Things First
You see, pop culture says get a career, cash, cars, and a condo before you even dare think of getting a wife.  The worlds focus is on things first and God whenever.  In between accumulating your “things,” you’ve probably slept around, contributed to an abortion or two and broke more than a few hearts all while dishonoring your temple and God.  Christians are not supposed to live this way.  Now hear me clearly…I’m not saying a career, cash, cars and a condo aren’t important.  They are.  What I am saying is they are not more important than being obedient to God and seeking him first.

Being In a Relationship Is Not Cheap
Over the weekend I listened to a sermon about relationships and the pastor said, “Before getting into a relationship, you should have your finances in place.  He quoted Proverbs 24:27 which says, “Do your planning and prepare your fields before building a house” then further expounded on that thought by saying, “Finish school, earn and save a bit.  Most marriages cost around $13-$25K.  Being in a relationship is not cheap.”

A Good Thing
Many young Christian men today are not thinking about finding a wife.  They are focused on doing what the pastor says.  They have no concept of Proverbs 18:22 which says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”  That good thing can help you get those things you desire.

Careers, Cash, Cars and Condos
If the idea of seeking God first specifically in the area of relationships isn’t instilled in a young man, if the importance of finding a wife isn’t instilled then nurtured at an early age, that young man grows up to be an older man still putting things first and giving little to no thought to finding a wife which in turn leaves us with much of what we have today; loads of single Christian women waiting on Christian men to get it together.  How can a woman marry young if the majority of men are chasing careers, cars, cash and condos?

Something to think about…

 What say you? Does it have to be one or the other? Can a man get his finances in place while pursuing marriage? Leave your comments below. 

The post Career First or Marriage First? appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Sex and Silence
Its no secret…I listen to a lot of talk radio and I watch a lot of reality TV.  The other day while listening to a radio program, there was a conversation about what men want most from women in relationships.  Then later that week, I tuned into The Gossip Game and that conversation continued.  Both the male radio host and the female star on The Gossip Game agreed about two things men want from women; lots of sex and silence.  Take a read below…

He said, men want:

• Thin women with

• Long hair willing to have

• Lots of sex and

• Keep her mouth shut.  He continued, “Women talk too much.  We don’t want to hear all of that talking.”

She said, men want:

• Home cooked meals

• Regular sex and

• Don’t talk a lot.  She continued, “You have to shut up cause they don’t want to hear what you have to say.  Of course I’m joking but there’s a little bit of truth to it.”  I think there’s a lot of truth to it.  What do you think?

Women Talk Too Much?
Let me give you  a little back story on the cast of characters; he is Tom Leykis; a four times married, four times divorced talk show host who does not believe in marriage (I wonder why?) and she is Kim Osorio; married with children, Editor in Chief at The Source magazine and star of the new reality show The Gossip Game.  I find it interesting that both a man and a woman say women talk too much.  Do you?

Something to think about…

What say you? What do you think about their lists? Are men that simple? Is that all they really want? Do women talk too much? What do women want from men? Leave your comments below.

The post What Men Want appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Marriage Advice
Earlier today while surfing the web, I ran across a comment from a married woman who said something about unmarried people giving out marriage advice.  She has a problem with those people.  Do you?

Something to Think About
I’m one of those people.  I’m unmarried and I give out marriage advice.   Well I don’t go around advising people on their marriage unless of course they ask and even then it depends on how I feel and the depth of their circumstance but I do write about marriage with the intent of giving you “Something to think about.“  My most recent posts about marrying young generated a good discussion.

Quantity vs Quality
Let me say this, just because you’re married, doesn’t make you an expert on marriage.  And just because you’ve been married a long time doesn’t mean you have a great marriage.  Quantity has nothing to do with quality.  While I won’t let anyone control my decision to marry, many of the marriages closest to me make me happy to be single.

Jesus Was Single
When it comes to advice, what I offer is rooted in Biblical truth.  Let me make a bold statement; if the marriage advice you offer isn’t rooted in Biblical truth, its bad advice.  God created marriage and it doesn’t work without the advice in his manual the Bible.  While I can certainly understand the thinking that says a single person is not qualified to give marriage advice, all of that goes out the window when we look at Paul and Jesus who were both single.

Dead and Headed for Divorce
For whatever reason, God has given me an extra measure of wisdom in the area of marriage.  More importantly, he’s given me a serious love for people, a deep understanding of people specifically the dynamic between men and women and an even deeper understanding of relationships and that’s what marriage is; a relationship.  I believe in marriage.  I think it’s a good thing therefore any advice I give is always to preserve the union.  I’ve helped tons of couples look at marriage through fresh eyes and I’ve kept many marriages alive that were once dead and headed for divorce.

Does It Matter Who’s Giving It?
Many  couples I’ve never met have spent time here at my website then sent me a tweet or an email letting me know that something I wrote helped them look at their marriage anew.  As long as God continues to give me wisdom, I plan on sharing it with whoever wants to listen.  I mean if the advice helps your situation, does it really matter who’s giving it?

Something to think about…

What say you? Would you take marriage advice from a single person? Why? Why not? Have you ever received any good marriage advice from a single person? If yes, please share it in the comments. 

The post Marriage Advice From A Single Woman appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Unhappily Married
So here’s how the story continues and ends.  I left a message for Edward and to my surprise he called back late one evening from his office.  We were on the phone for well over an hour catching up on each other’s lives.  By this time he was unhappily married with children working as a lawyer and living in a house in the suburbs.  The American dream his mother wanted for him; the house, car, career, picket fence, 2.2 kids and a dog.

Make the Right Choice
We talked about everything; church, my siblings, my parents, my life etc but when it came time to talk even a little a bit about his married life, he changed the subject.  At the end of the conversation he put the fear of God in me and gave me a stern warning.  He said, “If you ever get married, when you get married, make sure you make the right choice!” I froze then called my oldest sister who knew him really well to fill her in.  She said, “He didn’t make the right choice did he?”

Sensible Career
Edward had a lot of creative talent and ability.  He was heavily into fitness and had a great physique as evidence, he had a great singing voice, wrote poetry and he was great on stage.  While I heard him talk about being a lawyer, I don’t know if that’s what he ultimately wanted to do or if that’s what he was convinced to do by his mother/parents.  You see, coming from the Caribbean, creative pursuits are not encouraged.  In Caribbean culture, you choose a sensible career like a lawyer, teacher, accountant or doctor.  In the mind of an old school Caribbean parent, you could never make a living as a personal trainer or a singer/songwriter or an actor.

Extremely Vainglorious
Edward married a lawyer and I’m sure that thrilled his mother.  She’s from a part of the Caribbean where people tend to be extremely vainglorious.  They like to brag to anyone who will listen and to those who aren’t even listening about where their kid went to school, who they married and all that jazz.  You know the kind of person I’m talking about.  Me and people from that region don’t gel.

Clashed Eventually
God knew what he was doing when he broke us up.  While his mother and I “got along,” looking at the woman I am today, we would’ve clashed eventually.  There’s only but so much of her I would’ve been able to take.   During our courtship, there were times when Edward and I had hard conversations about his mother’s involvement in our lives.  Like I said in my previous post, he liked me a whole lot and she didn’t necessarily like the fact that we were so connected and she no longer had him to herself.  I was smart enough back then to know that when you marry someone, you marry them and their family.  His mother was coming with the deal and Edward was not strong enough to stand up to her.  She could definitely be a major piece of work at times.

Perfect Match
That is why God needs to be involved in your dating life.  He knows everything about you; the person you are and the person you will become.  In addition, he knows the person who will be the perfect match for his masterpiece.

A bad marriage is a thousand times worse than no marriage at all.  If you end up not getting married, it would be so much better than marrying the wrong person.  Neil Clark Warren

Something to think about…

The post Marrying Young – Part 3 – Why God Needs To Be Involved appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

​Delay Gratification
Last night at Bible study, the topic was all about waiting.  To make his point clear, the pastor introduced the Marshmallow Test.  Have you ever heard of it? I hadn’t until last night.  Here’s a bit of back story about it from Wikipedia; the original “marshmallow test” was conducted by Stanford psychology professor Walter Mischel 40 years ago.  The test was meant to measure which children could delay gratification. In the actual experiment, the psychologists waited up to 20 minutes to see if the children (4 year olds) could resist the temptation.  Watch the funny video below and we’ll talk after…

Waiting On A Mate
As I watched, I thought about the large numbers of single women waiting on a mate.  Right before I stepped out to Bible study, a long lost Sisterfriend and I caught up and we talked about our single lives.  Hey Lavita! The general consensus between both of us is we’re good. We’re enjoying our lives while we wait on God.  Whenever he sees fit to intersect our steps with the one he created for us is alright with us.  In the meantime we have lots of living to do.

Waiting Forever
During our conversation, she asked if I would date a guy who was not at my level of maturity in Christ and I said absolutely not.  A gentleman on YouTube asked me the same question a couple of weeks ago and my answer was the same.  He said, well Yvonne, it looks like you will be waiting forever.  How long are you going to wait? My answer was however long it takes.

How Will You Wait?
What about you? Will you wait or will you cave into temptation? Will you wait and do relationships Gods way or will you conform to the worlds standards?  What will you do while you wait? Will you complain? Will you get frustrated? Will you doubt? Will you wait expectantly? Will you wait believing? Will you wait with a good attitude? How will you wait? What will you do if she never comes back with the second marshmallow? What will you do if God sees fit that you remain single?

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Something to think about…

What did you take away from the Marshmallow Test?  Leave your comments below.

The post Can You Resist Temptation and Wait? appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Marriage and Family
​Edward and I met in Speech class during our senior year of college and became fast friends.  There was a mutual attraction that quickly took our friendship to the next level.  We started what I now call a courtship.  Not before long our families were introduced and his mother, sister and I had regular weekend standing hair and nail appointments.   It was good! He introduced me to my church and that became a huge part of our time together.  We shared the same faith and wanted the same things; marriage and family.  Edward liked me a lot and I liked him just as much.  Contrary to popular thought, there are young people out there who know exactly what they want.  I was twenty five and I knew.

Great Guy – Great Personality
We talked about marriage, we talked about family and we talked about how we saw our lives together beyond college.  He wanted to be an attorney and I wanted to produce TV and host a talk show someday.  We had a plan, we had a vision and we were excited about our future.  Edward got along extremely well with all of my friends and most importantly, he got along really well with everyone in my family.  He was a great guy with a great personality.  He’d come over to the house and talk to my dad, LOL with my mother and have varying conversations with my siblings.  Sounds great doesn’t it?

Break Up With Her
It was great however; the great times came to a screeching halt when his mother told him to break up with me.  While his father was involved and very much in the picture, his mother was the mouthpiece in their marriage.  She saw how much Edward was “into me” and felt it would interfere with his Law School studies.  It was very important to her that her only son attend law school.

Pain, Sadness and Dismay
I remember that day like it was yesterday when he came to me and said something along the lines of my mother says I have to break up with you because they’re paying for Law School and they won’t pay if we stay together.  They need me to focus on my studies.  I remember the look of pain, sadness and dismay on his face as he uttered those words then stood there waiting for my response.  That was the end of our future.

Refuse to Pay for College
In my last post, I mentioned Mark Gungor who says marrying young is the solution to sexual impurity and immorality.  Here’s what else he says, “Rather than encourage purity, Christian parents encourage – no, they threaten their young people that if they marry too young they will punish them with all their strength: refuse to pay for college, refuse to pay for any wedding or even refuse to attend any such weddings.  When I read that paragraph, I thought to myself, what crazy parent would do that? What crazy parent would refuse to pay for college and then I remembered Edward.  His mother was definitely that parent.

Stick It!
Mark continues, “These corrupted guardians, having been sufficiently polluted by the poison of the lust of this world, deliberately insist that their children first obtain what the Bible clearly warns them against: money, things, and the cares of this life.  Many Christian parents today have virtually zero concept of encouraging their children to put God first in their lives.  This is not to say that earning a good income is not important.  And a college education may be the right path for them.  But the thinking must be God first, morality first, service first.  Instead of losing our virginity and becoming porn addicts, we are going to marry young.  If you won’t pay for college, fine.  You won’t pay for the wedding, so be it.  We need young people who will rise up and as respectfully as possible, tell their clueless Christian parents to “stick it!”  If Edward had the balls to tell his mother to “Stick it,” I’m sure he and I would’ve married young and given each other the gift of virginity on our wedding night.

Something to think about…

What say you? Can you put God first and pursue the things of the world? Is securing money, things and the cares of this life interfering with people getting married?

P.S. Aside from bumping into him at church sporadically, Edward and I never saw or spoke to each other again.  Many years later his name came up when I was on Google searching for an attorney.  Come back later this week to hear the details of that conversation and to find out why you must put God first in your dating life.  

The post Marrying Young – Part 2 – Why I Didn’t Marry Young appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Marry Young
Yesterday I read a blog that talked about our current culture of sexual impurity and immorality. The writer Mark Gungor; a pastor, husband, father and grandfather said, “The Bible’s solution to sexual immorality among our young people is to simply encourage marriage (1 Cor 7). But rather than obey the Bible, we have been polluted by a pagan culture that has convinced us that young marriage is a terrible thing.  Despite the fact that studies show the single greatest contributor to divorce is sexual activity before marriage, we foolishly ignore the dangers of sexual promiscuity and ignorantly treat it as no big deal.”

Here’s a bit of what 1 Corinthians 7:1-9 says in the New King James Version (NKJV):

Let them Marry
“1It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Pretty straight forward right?

After reading the blog, I went straight to Twitter to hear what others think.  I tweeted the following; “Read a blog earlier today that said marrying young is the cure to sexual impurity and immorality.” Below is the conversation:

@ConventionalDee I disagree. I don’t think marriage cures anything. If those impulses are there some people will act on them regardless.

@YvonneChaseLA good point. What do you think about marrying young?

@ConventionalDee I think it’s a terrible idea. You don’t know yourself and you are immature and you have unrealistic expectations.

@YvonneChaseLA so what’s a good age to marry? Is it possible to know yourself when you’re young?

@ConventionalDee I was 27 when I 1st got married, and I did not know myself or trust myself. I got married for all the wrong reasons. Some women may know themselves better than I did. I told my niece & nephew to wait until they’re 30 to marry. 2nd marriage I was 34, and it’s so much better than I ever imagined. But that’s because I matured.

@YvonneChaseLA why did you tell them to wait till 30? What if they meet someone great before then?

@ConventionalDee I think in order to be a good spouse you have to bring certain experiences into the marriage. I was a better wife once I got into living my life and doing the things that made me happy. I was finally my own complete person first.

@YvonneChaseLA I definitely agree with living your life and finding out who you are as an individual.

@ConventionalDee that’s why I say wait until 30. Go to school, travel, live on your own, get a career, pick up some hobbies, and then find your mate.

@YvonneChaseLA I like that formula. There is much to do while single besides being a man whore or a slut.

@ConventionalDee for us it was, because at that time we didn’t have the tools to be good spouses. We would’ve ended in divorce for sure! I think society puts too much pressure on marital status and not enough on self development. I strongly feel if we encouraged people to pursue quality life experiences instead of instant physical gratification, we’d all be better when it’s time to marry.

@DoomedSnglBish I don’t think you age out of being susceptible to promiscuity or immorality.

@YvonneChaseLA the blog was saying if you marry young, you short circuit perversion & promiscuity because you have a spouse for regular sex

@DoomedSnglBish that’s assuming your spouse meets your sexual needs. Or you’re even communicating them. People cheat. Marriages end.

@YvonneChaseLA those are interesting points. Can a couple work on meeting each other’s sexual needs?

@DoomedSnglBish I totally think so! U have to be honest about what u want & not let what u think your partners reaction is gonna be stop u!

@YvonneChaseLA I agree. A younger person may not be mature enough to do that or they might be.

Looks like we may need to marry fresh out the womb like those kiddies in the picture up top because sexual activity is starting real early these days.

Something to think about…

What say you? Is marrying young the solution to sexual impurity and immorality? Leave comments!

P.S. Since this blog is longer than the attention span of most today, come back next week for part two.  Its gonna be good!

The post Is Marrying Young the Solution to Sexual Impurity? appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Stop Hooking Up
Earlier today I participated in a Twitter chat about hooking up.  One of the questions was, “Is hooking up a way out of commitment?” My answer is yes.  Here’s the thing, women complain about non-committal men yet they don’t realize hooking up creates non-commitment.  Women can’t complain about men behaving badly if we’re contributing to it.  If women want men to commit, women have to stop hooking up.  It’s that simple.

Its a Hook Up
One of the conversations in the chat was about honesty while hooking up.  Are people honest? No.  Most men aren’t honest about his intentions and most women aren’t honest about her expectations.  Let’s face it, if a man were to tell a woman from the gate that he is just interested in hooking up, most women would say no.  Most women hook up with a guy repeatedly then think those actions will lead to a relationship and get hurt when it doesn’t.  While hooking up can lead to a relationship, most times it doesn’t.  It wasn’t designed too.  It’s a hook up!

Hogwash!
As we continued the chat, I touched a nerve when I said women can’t hook up like men do and be okay.  One woman said women can and to that I say hogwash.  Maybe one or two can but they’re the exception not the rule.  I’m focused on the rule and the rule can’t nor does the rule want too.  Women feel. Women care. Women attach.  When we let a man in, we let him into the very essence of who we are; our hearts, minds and most importantly our souls.  We can’t hook up with different men without catching feelings.  We’re built to catch feelings.  Its what makes us women.  If a woman could have a monogamous relationship leading to marriage, she’d take it any day over a lame hookup.  Don’t believe me? Go find an honest woman and ask her.  Good luck finding an honest woman.

Something to think about…

P.S. Women and men were created to “hook up” at the altar and have awesome sex with each other in marriage. 

What say you? Is hooking up ruining commitment? Can women hookup like men and be okay? Are people honest about their intentions and expectations when hooking up?  Leave a comment!

The post Women Were Not Created for Hooking Up and Neither Were Men appeared first on Living Single, Dating & Marriage!.

Up In Arms
Last Saturday a friend of mine sent me an op-ed piece written by Susan Patton; an alumna of Princeton University.  I read the piece, understood her points and never thought about it again until this week when I participated in a Twitter chat about it.  I had no intentions of writing about it but I had to after that chat.  Everyone is up in arms about it and I don’t understand why.  Bloggers across the web are mad at Susan.

Find a Husband
Well I’m not about to jump on the bandwagon of angry bloggers mad at Susan for telling the truth.  People don’t like truth.   The minute someone has the courage to speak up and tell it, we want to shoot them down without really dissecting the message.  Not gonna happen at this domain.  Here’s what Susan said in her piece specifically written to the single women at Princeton; find a husband on campus before you graduate.  What’s wrong with that?

You Don’t Know What You Want
One of the main arguments around her piece was, you’re too young in college to know who you are and what you want.  That may be true and it may not be true.  We all evolve and mature at different rates.  Just because you don’t know who you are doesn’t mean another woman doesn’t know who she is and what she wants out of life.  In addition, just because you meet him while attending college doesn’t mean you have to marry him while in college.  One of my colleagues met her now husband while they were sophomores in college.  They married a couple years after graduation and are still going strong.  That is Susan’s point.

Keep Your Eyes Open
Another criticism of her piece was your main focus while in college is getting your degree not meeting a man.  Says who? Why does that have to be your only focus? A college campus offers lots of room for social interaction.  You can have a full life on campus beyond going to class then racing off to the library to study for nine hours.  Susan is saying is be aware of your surroundings and keep your eyes open.  You just might meet your future husband while dashing off to the library.

Princeton or The Pub
To the women of Princeton Susan says, “For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.  I agree with that 100%.  I don’t know about the worthy of you part but the cornerstone of your future happiness or sadness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, if you marry.  The bandwagon of angry bloggers took this as Susan saying you can’t be happy unless or until you marry and it better be to a Princeton man.  That is not what she is saying at all.  Does choosing a man from Princeton guarantee marital bliss? Absolutely not!  Nothing guarantees a happy marriage outside of two people fully committed to making it so whether you meet at Princeton or the pub.

You’re In Denial
Here’s more of what she said:  “Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated.  It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty.” If you disagree with that, you’re in denial.  She continues, “Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal.  As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market.  Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.  Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them.”

Bang for Your Buck
Going to Princeton is intentional.  Nobody just ends up there.  I believe it’s safe to say that if you attend Princeton, academics and intelligence are important to you because Princeton ain’t cheap! What Susan is saying in a nutshell is, since you made such a big investment in your education, why not get a bang for your buck and snag a mate if you can?

Good Advice from a Jewish Mother
In response to all the backlash from her original piece, Susan says, “I’m astounded by the extreme reaction.  Honestly, I just thought this was some good advice from a Jewish mother…I’m just saying, if as a young (Princeton) woman, you are thinking that you would like to have not just professional success but personal success as part of your life happiness, keep an open mind to the men that you’re surrounded with now.   Because these are the best guys. You’ll meet wonderful men outside of Princeton, but you’ll never have the numbers in your favor the way you do now.”  Right now, there’s a highly educated woman in bed with her laptop simultaneously looking for love and a sperm donor wishing she paid more attention to the men on campus.  I believe all Susan is trying to do is save women who want to be married from that fate.  Great advice Susan.

Something to think about…

What say you? Are you mad at Susan? Are any of her points valid? Is finding a man on campus a bad idea? Did you meet your mate on campus?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

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