Faithful Are The Wounds Of A Friend Who Corrects

by Yvonne Chase on June 7, 2017

“If you’re watching a friend head to the altar with someone awful, do you step in?”

Pretend All Is Well
That was the question posed by the New York Post on Twitter. My response was, yes, if I know about it. Sometimes you don’t know until after. Been there. People pretend all is well when it isn’t. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was about mid-day when I took a break to check my email. Staring at me was an email from my dear friend Belinda. The subject matter read, “HEEELP!”

Leaped Out Of The Sockets
For some reason, I thought it was one of those chain emails warning you to send it to 25 people within one hour lest you die. If my eyeballs could’ve leaped out of the sockets, hit the screen then bounce back into the sockets, they would have. Utter shock and disbelief!

She Wants A Divorce
My dear friend Belinda outlined her messy marriage and ended it by asking me to call her because she wants a divorce. Totally unexpected! You see, I remember when she got engaged. We gagged at the size of her ginormous engagement ring. I even attended her wedding.

Didn’t Have The Courage To Walk Away
She seemed ecstatic and everyone seemed on board with the nuptials, however, once we had a chance to talk in great detail, she told me she didn’t want to go through with the wedding but she didn’t have the courage to walk away. Had I known, I would’ve seen to it that she never showed up to the church.


Sad Scenario
Unfortunately, I never met her fiance before they married. Perhaps if I did, I would’ve advised her not to move forward. Today, Belinda is still married and it’s a sad, sad, sad, incredibly sad, did I say sad scenario. One of the reasons she got married is because she wanted to have a family yet she wasted all of her baby making years with him and never had a child.

Her Special Day
Another friend, we’ll call her Diane, invited me to her wedding in NY when I lived in Cali. She thought I wouldn’t make it because of the distance. No amount of distance would keep me from being there on her special day. We were like sisters.

Divorced One Year Later
Diane was beyond surprised as she walked down the aisle and saw me smiling from ear to ear. I was so excited and super happy for her. Little did I know that she too did not want to go through with the wedding. She divorced one year later. 

Don’t Marry That Person
In the New York Post article How To Tell Your Friend To Call Off The Wedding, the writer mentions a recent study out of the University of Plymouth which says,

Our meanest friends often have our best interests in mind. The study’s author wrote, “These findings shed light on social dynamics, helping us to understand, for instance, why we sometimes may try to make our loved ones feel bad if we perceive this emotion to be useful to achieve a goal.”

It certainly wouldn’t feel good to have a friend tell you to dump your betrothed, and you may find the intrusion into your relationship hurtful, but someone who says “get out before it’s too late” is probably a good friend.

Spare You A Life Of Pain
Here’s what I’d like to know, why does our friend have to be mean because they tell us to call off the wedding? That’s not mean. Maybe, just maybe, your friend cares deeply about you and wants to spare you a life of pain. The article continues,

Marriage is forever, or should be, and if you see a train wreck on the horizon, try to help everyone involved avoid it. It won’t be easy, but a good friend is honest even at the risk of friendship.

If your friend decides to go through with the nuptials despite your pleas, though, your role becomes to smile broadly, enjoy the wedding cake and wish her well.

Once you’ve made your case and had it rejected, accept the defeat and try to focus on the prospective spouse’s better qualities. And if the marriage goes ahead and crashes, be the kind of friend with vodka in the freezer.

Risk Of Friendship
And that is why I would step in if the opportunity presents itself and most importantly if the spirit leads. I believe marriage is forever and I also believe this with all my heart; a good friend is honest even at the risk of friendship. I can always get a new friend. No way can I see a train wreck on the horizon and say nothing. I’m not built that way. Are you?

friend
Something to think about…

What say you? Would you step in and say something if you saw a friend headed to the altar with someone awful or would you stay silent and hope for the best? Was there a time when you stepped in? How did it go? Would you do it again? Was there a time when you wished you stepped in? Why didn’t you?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Karrilee June 7, 2017

Oh yes… this topic is on the forefront of my mind and heart right now. We have several who are engaged and walking towards marriage who seem a bit unsure. They are young and are trying to decide if it is normal cold feet stuff – or real hesitations and concerns. We continue to encourage them to slow down and not rush in to marriage… and we pray for them, of course. If I felt a definitive Yes or No directing, I would tell them for sure –because I want the best for them.

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Yvonne Chase June 7, 2017

@Karilee,

Happy to hear that you would say something because you do want the best for them. When we genuinely care about others and want the best for them, we speak up out of love and concern and let God handle the aftermath.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…DNA Does Not Guarantee A Wedding InvitationMy Profile

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Crystal June 8, 2017

Wow, this is a tough one, but I agree! My son was actually in a relationship which looked like it was heading toward marriage. Although we loved the young woman deeply, there were negative dynamics in the relationship. Thankfully my son was open to allowing us, his parents to speak into the situation, and we assured him that the choice was ultimately his. Now almost a year later, they are both in a much healthier place and separate.

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Yvonne Chase June 8, 2017

@Crystal,

That’s wonderful. I’m glad your son was open to wise counsel. Like you, I would definitely step in and say something if it were my child. No way I could sleep at night knowing my child is about to make the wrong choice in the most important area of life.
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Liz June 9, 2017

So true! We need friends who will speak truth into our lives, even when it is uncomfortable!
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Yvonne Chase June 9, 2017

@Liz,

Agree. In my world, a friend is not a friend if they don’t speak truth into our lives, especially when it’s uncomfortable. That, for me, is the marker of a true friend.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Change Your Last Name To His Last Name When You Say I DoMy Profile

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Donna Reidland June 9, 2017

Yvonne, this is such a great post! I’m pinning and sharing in the hopes that others will benefit from your wisdom here. I pray I always have friends who love me as much as you love yours! They are blessed!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“Living Based on the Hope that is within Us” June 9My Profile

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Yvonne Chase June 15, 2017

@Donna,

I got nothing but love for you. Thanks for pinning and sharing.

I don’t use the word friend lightly. If I call you my friend, you better believe I’m going to step up and step in if a train wreck of any kind is on the horizon. What kind of friend would I be if I don’t?
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Kevin Durant Moved On To Get A Ring And So Should You Single LadyMy Profile

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Donna Reidland June 9, 2017

Yvonne, thanks for linking up so faithfully on Mondays @ Soul Survival!
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Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle June 14, 2017

Yvonne, this popular post will be featured on the Blogger’s Pit Stop.
Congratulations.

Kathleen
Blogger’s Pit Stop
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Yvonne Chase June 15, 2017

@Kathleen,

Thank you so much. I appreciate you!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Change Your Last Name To His Last Name When You Say I DoMy Profile

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