Date For Fun Or Date To Find The One

by Yvonne Chase on February 16, 2017

Divided In Their Views
Should you date for fun or should you date to find the one is a question I saw recently on Instagram. Apparently, many Christian singles are divided in their views on this matter.  Here’s where I stand on it; have fun going on dates and keep your “why” at the forefront of your mind.

fun
I Never Dated For Fun
While I had loads of fun going on dates and thoroughly enjoyed myself, I never dated for fun. Meeting someone to marry was always at the forefront of my mind. In my world, where I come from and how I was raised, either you’re single or you’re married. There’s no in between. Marriage is what we do. Marriage is what my faith applauds. The only reason I went on dates was to eventually meet someone I want to marry.

Date For Fun
When I moved to a new city a few years back, I signed up to online dating to see what it was about and to see the kind of men living in that city. Dating was fun. I had a lot of interesting experiences. I believe there’s a time to date for fun. That was a good time for me, however, meeting the marrying kind was always at the forefront of my mind.

One And Done
The majority of my dates were one and done, not because the guys were bad guys, they weren’t. Many of them were quite amazing. They simply were not men I would marry.  You don’t know that for sure until you go on a date and start the conversation.

Out Of The Box
Non-negotiables played a huge role in my dating life and kept heartache away. My number one non-negotiable was he had to be a man of faith; a born again Christian man who loves Jesus and is actively pursuing that relationship. That knocked most men out of the box immediately.  

Checklist Churchgoer
Saying it is one thing, however, I also knew how that looked to me. He needed to be a member of his own church and involved not merely a weekly checklist churchgoer. I met a lot of checklist churchgoing Christian men. That’s not the man for me. His faith needed to make a difference in his life. His walk with God needed to effect his decisions, his day and his destiny. When I finally met my love after years of living single, the dots connected instantly.  He’s a Christian man who loves Jesus and actively pursues that relationship which spills over into every area of his life in a beautiful way.

Been There And Done That
One day he asked why I was single for so long before we met. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t going on dates or dating someone. Most people couldn’t understand it. Somehow people think every attractive woman with a great personality is on a date every night of the week. Not so! It could’ve been so, however, I’d already been there and done that well.

Something Sexual In Return
My answer was, I didn’t want to set myself up to fail. No man is going to go out with me consistently without expecting and wanting something sexual in return. All I had to give in return at the end of a date was a pleasant smile and a hearty goodnight. I’m not coming home with you and you can’t come home with me.

Not A Match For Marriage
Men, especially in this day and time have an expectation of some kind of physical interaction after a date. The majority of my dates wanted a second and a third date to which I declined. Why continue if we’re not a match for marriage? He will want sex sooner than later. He will want to kiss and touch sooner than later. To obey God and keep my sanity, I decided to take myself off the dating scene until I met someone I could see myself marrying. We start premarital classes next week.

Rinse And Repeat
So, in conclusion, have fun going on dates but keep your why in mind. For some, marriage is not on the menu. Because morality in our society has declined and continues to decline at a rapid rate, many singles are perfectly fine with serial monogamy; date until the relationship runs its course, breakup then rinse and repeat.

Shout It From The Rooftop
Most singles dating today, especially women, want to be married but they’re afraid to say it. They don’t want to come off as desperate and they don’t want to scare the guy away. Who cares? Scare him away. He’s not the guy for you. If you want to be married, say it. Shout it from the rooftop then act on it. Go on dates, have fun and keep marriage in mind as you sort, screen, and test.

Be Easy To Be With
Now, don’t want to be married so badly that you show up to the first date interrogating the poor guy. Be easy to be with. Be interesting to talk to and listen to then let the conversation flow. If you know how to talk and listen, eventually, usually within the first few dates, you will find out where he stands on the matter of marriage.  

Something to think about…

What say you? Where do you stand on the matter of dating for fun or dating to find the one? How did you date when you were single? Did you date to find the one? Is the only purpose of dating to find the one?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Michele Morin February 17, 2017

My husband and I were late twenties/early thirties when we got married, so we were definitely serious in our purpose by the time we met, and we’ve counseled our boys to view “dating” as a way to find a life partner. Other approaches lead to heartache.
Michele Morin recently posted…A Veiled Life in the Sandy Waste: Till We Have Faces (7)My Profile

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Yvonne Chase February 17, 2017

@Michele,

I’m so glad you are counseling your boys to view dating as a way to find a life partner. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” The verse is literal. It is the man’s responsibility to look for a wife. When men date to find wives, much of a woman’s anxiety disappears.

God bless you and your husband in your efforts as you raise men who date to find a mate.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Bethenny Frankel, Three Dogs, A Fire And Valentine’s DayMy Profile

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Maree Dee February 17, 2017

Your post was so timely. Just yesterday I was having this conversation with my young adult son. Now, I have few more things to add tot he conversation. I like the word non-negotiables. Thank you for your post.
Maree Dee recently posted…Why Would I Let Go Of A Friendship?My Profile

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Yvonne Chase February 17, 2017

@Maree,

Non-negotiables are SUPER important while dating. They keep us focused on what we want and keep us away from what we don’t want.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Spiritual Gifts Can Save You While Living Single And DatingMy Profile

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Donna Reidland February 23, 2017

Wise advice, Yvonne! Your non-negotiables are so important. Keep shouting it from the rooftops. When someone who’s single says it, I think it carries a lot of weight with other Christian singles. Blessings!
Donna Reidland recently posted…“What’s the Condition of Your Heart?” February 23My Profile

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Yvonne Chase February 23, 2017

@Donna,

Thank you. I will keep shouting it from the mountain tops.

Regarding non-negotiables; I don’t know how anyone dates without them. They are super important!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Gayle King Doesn’t Ask If He’s Married But You BetterMy Profile

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Mary Hill February 24, 2017

Being equally yolked is so important to marriage. Thanks for sharing on the #LMMLinkup this week.
Mary Hill recently posted…LMMLinkup: Turning our Hearts Toward LentMy Profile

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Hazel Moon February 27, 2017

SHOUT – SHOUT (that is me shouting on the housetop for you and your beloved.) I really enjoyed your post. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.
Hazel Moon recently posted…Be a Spot FireMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase February 27, 2017

@Hazel,

Thanks so much. I love you for reading and leaving a comment.

God bless you…
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Live Your Values And You’re Bound To Attract Someone Doing The SameMy Profile

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Diane Robertson March 11, 2017

Date to find the one. Certainly! But what do you do if you’re not going on dates?

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