How Could You Not Ask?
I just read the craziest thing; Gayle King, aka Oprah’s BFF, said it didn’t automatically occur to her to ask a potential suitor if he’s married. She found out the hard way that she definitely needs to ask this question. Unbelievable! How could you not ask if he’s married? Not only do I ask if he’s married, I follow that question up with have you ever been married and to whom; a man or a woman?
We Can No Longer Assume
We are living in the age of same-sex marriage and can no longer assume a man was or is married to a woman. I remember asking a guy that specific question and he was offended until I explained myself. He immediately understood then shook his head and said, “I can’t fault you for asking.”
She Asks About OJ
Here’s what Gayle said in an interview with Harry Connick, Jr. on his talk show; “I went on a date recently, I’ve been out with somebody maybe three or four times and now I feel I have another dating question to add to my repertoire, in addition to, ‘do you think OJ Simpson is guilty?’ which is one of my dating questions.” Really? She asks about OJ but doesn’t ask if he’s married? His marital status will affect her more than his views on a trial that has nothing to do with him.
Harry asked Gayle if the answer to the OJ question is a dealbreaker and she said, “Oh, depending on how you answer that, I do judge. I definitely do, I followed that case from beginning to end but it never occurred to me if somebody asked you out and you’ve been on a couple of dates, they are not wearing a wedding ring. It never occurs to me to say, ‘Are you married?’ It really didn’t. So I’m out to dinner and he’s talking and then he said something about my wife and I said, ‘Wait, wait, wait, your wife? You have a wife?’ He goes, ‘Yeah.’ I said, ‘Does she know you’re here?’ He said, ‘But, we’re separated.’ I said, ‘Oh you’re getting a divorce.’ He said, ‘No, we’re separated we live in the same house it hasn’t been good for a really long time.’ And I was like check please, I know that story.”
Date A Married Man
I know a lot of married men who don’t wear a ring which is why we need to ask. One married man told me he no longer wears his band because it’s a magnet. He said he gets hit on more now that he’s married than he ever did while single. Unfortunately, some women only want to date a married man. Still, no reason not to wear your wedding band but what do I know. In addition to, “Are you married,” below are a few questions we definitely need to ask sooner than later:
Are you divorced? Separated equals still married. Let him close that chapter before you start another with him.
How long have you been divorced? If he’s newly divorced, you need to know to avoid being the rebound girl. Best to let him heal fully before getting involved.
Why did your marriage end? You need to know if there was any kind of violence from either party. You also need to know about infidelity and other reasons that may be telling of his character. Phaedra Parks of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is divorced because her husband was involved in bank fraud and identity theft.
Do you have children? That question should be followed up with how many, their ages and by how many women. I once met a guy who had five children from four different women. Two of his children were under the age of five while the others were grown and living on their own. No thanks!
Have you ever had sex with a man? I ask this question because again, we are living in the age of DL (down low men) and all kind of unspeakable sexual behavior. Some people are into having sex with animals. You can never be too careful.
Are you currently using/addicted to alcohol or non-prescription drugs? Do you have any other addictions? A former colleague is a sex addict. As a result, he has to attend meetings for the rest of his life. He travels a lot and must meet with a sponsor whenever he travels. This is something you need to know.
How long have you been single? You don’t want to be the rebound girl. If he’s fresh out of a relationship, you want to know why it ended and why he’s looking to jump back into another so soon.
Do you live alone? He may live with his parents. Don’t immediately write him off. It may not necessarily be a bad thing. Perhaps they’re elderly and it’s better for him to be there than not. Living with his parents and living off of his parents are two very different scenarios.
Have you ever been in jail/do you have a criminal record? If the answer is yes, his employment, credit rating and other important factors could affect how you move forward financially.
To Each Her Own
There are a host of questions to ask in the early stages of getting to know someone. I don’t see what his thoughts on OJ Simpson have to do with anything but hey, to each her own. It’s very strange to me that Gayle wouldn’t ask if he’s married considering her marriage ended when she caught her husband in bed with another woman. Maybe he wasn’t wearing his wedding band and the woman, like Gayle, never bothered to ask?
What say you? Do you ask potential suitors their marital status? Why? Why not? What questions do you think we need to ask before getting serious?
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