I’m Getting Married Because I Want To Have Sex

by Yvonne Chase on August 8, 2016

Marrying Younger
“What’s wrong with getting married because you want to have sex?” That’s what a Christian gentleman said to me as we discussed an article I read about Christians marrying younger because they want to have sex.  One of the things I appreciate the most in life is honesty; specifically honest conversation.

All He Wants Is Sex
Now most Christians I know would’ve questioned this man’s salvation, accused him of not being a Christian or filled with the Holy Spirit and some would’ve gone as far as telling women to beware of him because all he wants is sex.  I had none of those reactions.  Instead, I welcomed his honesty and that honesty lead to a very refreshing conversation.

No Reason To Wait Longer
Here’s the thing, he’s not getting married just because he wants to have sex.  He’s getting married sooner than later because he’s met and fallen deeply in love with the woman he wants to do life with and he sees no reason to wait any longer.  He says, “I’m ready, she’s ready. What are we waiting for?”

Supports His Decision
I shared our conversation with my massage therapist and she supports his decision.  Let me give you a bit of backstory on Rebecca.  She married her husband of 6 years within 3 months of meeting online. After exchanging an email or two, they met, went on a couple of dates and he was sold.

Marrying Quickly
In their religious Judaic faith, touching of any kind is forbidden before marriage. When I told her about this gentleman and his girlfriend abstaining, she said, “Yvonne, we don’t even get to touch. No hugging, no kissing, no nothing until we say, I do.  That was a part of the incentive for marrying quickly.”

Go Ahead And Get Married
She continued, “Yvonne when you know you know and what you know will change after you marry. You see, no matter how long you date, you will never see all sides of the person.  As long as you see the fundamentals and you agree on the important things and you know within your inner knower that this person is it, go on ahead and get married.”

Abstain Until Marriage
I know of a young couple who recently got engaged after three years of dating. They are waiting another eighteen months before they marry. Something about that is not wise to me especially since they want to abstain until marriage.  He lives alone.  She lives alone and they don’t really have other people around them to support them as a couple.  

Fall Into Sexual Immorality
To me, waiting another eighteen months leaves the door wide open to do the very thing they don’t want to do.  Waiting a year and a half to plan a big wedding? I don’t know about that.  I’d rather them marry sooner in a smaller wedding than wait and possibly fall into sexual immorality.

I Have The Desire To Do What Is Good
Paul speaks about the dilemma of desiring to do good yet doing evil in Romans 7:15-20 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

Burning With Lust
Now listen, I’m not suggesting you run off and marry the first person who comes along because you’re burning with lust although 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 says, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self–control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.” I went over to John MacArthur’s website Grace to You and here’s a bit of how he expounds on that verse;

If, however, a single believer did not have self–control, that person should seek to marry. If a Christian is single but does not have the gift of singleness and is being strongly tempted sexually, he or she should pursue marriage. Let them marry in the Greek is in the aorist imperative, indicating a strong command. “Get married,” Paul says, for it is better to marry than to burn. The term means “to be inflamed,” and is best understood as referring to strong passion (cf. Rom. 1:27). A person cannot live a happy life, much less serve the Lord, if he is continually burning with sexual desire—even if the desire never results in actual immorality. And in a society such as Corinth’s, or ours, in which immorality is so prevalent and accepted, it is especially difficult not to succumb to temptation.

I believe that once a Christian couple decides to get married they should do it fairly soon. In a day of lowered standards, free expression, and constant suggestiveness, it is extremely difficult to stay sexually pure. The practical problems of an early marriage are not nearly as serious as the danger of immorality.

Christians Are Human Too
The pull of sexual temptation is strong amongst Christian singles especially those in committed relationships with the person they want to marry. Christians are humans too.  We have the same sexual urges as non-Christians.  Denying you have those urges doesn’t make you a better Christian or more Christian.

Marry Fairly Soon
Here’s where I stand on the matter, if a Christian couple wants to honor God and they plan to marry, I agree with John McArthur, they should marry fairly soon to avoid the serious dangers of immorality.  There’s a huge difference between getting married solely because you want to have sex and getting married because you want to honor God in a marital sexual relationship.  

getting
Something to think about…

What say you? Is marrying sooner a better idea once you’ve identified the person you want to marry? Is it better to wait long than marry wrong?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. I’m not getting married…yet…

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelly Basham August 9, 2016

I think if you are ready emotionally, spiritually, and know this is the person God has for you, then go for it. My husband and I had been dating for about six months when we got engaged. We then waited another six months to get married- just long enough to plan and coordinate our wedding. The wedding preparations kept us busy, but in all honesty it was hard waiting six more months.
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Yvonne Chase August 10, 2016

@Kelly,

Being emotionally and spiritually ready are key.
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Tumi August 10, 2016

Love it!

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Michelle August 10, 2016

I won’t comment on the christian thing because even though I was baptized three times, twice as a catholic and once as a baptist, I don’t subscribe to any religion. There are truths in every religion plus I have an issue with commitment. So, speaking on what Christians choose to do and how they choose to live their lives is not what I’m commenting on. Good for you for finding a religion and sticking to it. It’s not my thing but I respect your beliefs.
What I will comment on is the fact that I am against marrying early and here’s why. I married in my early 20’s. My ex and I met and moved way too quickly. 10 years and 2 kids later we split up. Our children are our world though and we make sure they know how much they are loved by both of us. However, in the 10 years we were together we changed so much of our personalities. The fundamental things I saw someone else comment about were constantly changing. It wasn’t until I took a human development class in college that I learned that even though we are adults in our 20’s we are still figuring ourselves out. I didn’t know who I really was and who I was meant to be. I was just a wanderer and went with the flow. Now many young people do know who they are and if marriage is something they want, then go for it. However, I thought marriage was what I wanted. Turns out, marriage IS NOT FOR ME. The point is I do disagree with marrying too soon. Unless you know beyond a shadow of doubt who you are and what you want out of life, don’t even enter into a relationship.It’s not fair to the other person to find out the person they married is not the person they end up with. From my experience, not knowing who I was or what I wanted in life added way too much stress to my marriage as I spent the bulk of my marriage changing into the person I was meant to be.
As a parent I want my boys to be happy with their life choices and I do tell them to make sure they know who they are before they decide to share their lives with another person. The most important thing I tell them is to always make sure you and your perspective spouse are on the right page but I also tell them to expect that life brings on many changes and both people have to willing to adapt to those changes. We aren’t the same people in our 30’s as we are in our 20’s. When entering into a marriage that is a very important thing a couple needs to be prepared for. Well, as prepared as one can get. #waywow
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Yvonne Chase August 10, 2016

@Michelle,

I agree with this 100%, “Unless you know beyond the shadow of a doubt who you are and what you want out of life, don’t even enter into a relationship.”

Marrying young has it’s pros and cons. Age is not the issue, for me, life experience is coupled with a strong knowledge of self. Some have that in their twenties, others don’t.

I know twenty-one-year-olds who’ve lived, who’ve had lots of life experiences which have given them a chance to really know who they are as a person and how they want to show up in the world. I also know the opposite. The opposite would possibly do themselves a favor if they waited to marry.
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Ashley August 10, 2016

I totally agree with you! My husband and I dated for 3 months and were engaged for 4 months, and it was hard enough to stay pure in just that amount of time! I can’t imagine dating for years and then having a long engagement. It’s true, even as long as you date someone, you’ll never know every facet of them. When you know this is the person God has given you…marry them!!

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Yvonne Chase August 10, 2016

@Ashley,

Well said. Dating for years and long engagements never resonated with me.

I’m cut from the cloth of when you know this is the person God has for you, marry them!!! Amen!
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Leslie August 10, 2016

Thanks for differentiating between your points. Taking time for premartial counseling from a solid Christian is important, too. Thanks for sharing at the #LMMLinkup.

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Yvonne Chase August 12, 2016

@Leslie,

I’m a firm believer in premarital counseling. It’s the reason I’m a happily single unmarried woman. Sat in a premarital class many years ago and it saved me from making a HUGE mistake. I’d be divorced but for that class!
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Jerralea August 12, 2016

I was interested in coming by when I saw the title of your post. We just studied that scripture in class last week. I agree, once you are convinced you have found the person God has for you to marry, marry quickly! That’s what we did 40 years ago. We met, dated and married within 7 months. It was very hard to stay sexually pure during those 7 months. I’m glad I didn’t have to wait 18 months! And also let me say this, you are just as married with a smaller meaningful ceremony than bankrupting you and your families to have a big hoopla that takes months to plan. Just my two cents worth!
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Yvonne Chase August 12, 2016

@Jerralea,

I LOVE your two cents. Makes all the sense in the world. Especially love this, “You are just as married with a smaller meaningful ceremony than bankrupting you and your families to have a big hoopla that takes months to plan.”
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Lori Schumaker August 15, 2016

So many great points here. I know these years will be here for my children before I know it. I pray each find Godly spouses when the time comes and that before the time comes, they stay steadfast in their pursuit of purity!

Thank you so much for sharing this at #MomentofHope! I am thankful for you!

Blessings and smiles,
Lori

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Yvonne Chase August 18, 2016

@Lori,

I am thankful for you as well. I will touch and agree with you in prayer on behalf of your children that they find Godly spouses and hold fast in their pursuit of purity.

God bless you!
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Nikki Frank-Hamilton August 15, 2016

I agree with you. Once you find the “one” why are you waiting? I think that you should spend the time growing together. Especially if you are mature enough to know who you are and what you want in life. Building and growing together in life as well as in your faith is a wonderful thing.

But I also must add that we are blessed to have a Father that forgives us if we make mistakes. If we can’t hold out or if we can’t keep a marriage together. Not that I believe that we should enter into a relationship or a marriage giving ourselves an “out” but if it doesn’t work we are still loved by our creator. That’s the best.
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Yvonne Chase August 18, 2016

@Nikki,

So grateful we have a Father who forgives us if and when we make mistakes. And yes, we are loved by our creator no matter what. What a blessing!
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Crystal Twaddell August 17, 2016

Purity is so very important! This is something I have committed to prayer for each of my children, for them to take ownership of their integrity in all areas, including sexuality.

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