“What’s wrong with getting married because you want to have sex?” That’s what a Christian gentleman said to me as we discussed an article I read about Christians marrying younger because they want to have sex. One of the things I appreciate the most in life is honesty; specifically honest conversation.
All He Wants Is Sex
Now most Christians I know would’ve questioned this man’s salvation, accused him of not being a Christian or filled with the Holy Spirit and some would’ve gone as far as telling women to beware of him because all he wants is sex. I had none of those reactions. Instead, I welcomed his honesty and that honesty lead to a very refreshing conversation.
No Reason To Wait Longer
Here’s the thing, he’s not getting married just because he wants to have sex. He’s getting married sooner than later because he’s met and fallen deeply in love with the woman he wants to do life with and he sees no reason to wait any longer. He says, “I’m ready, she’s ready. What are we waiting for?”
Supports His Decision
I shared our conversation with my massage therapist and she supports his decision. Let me give you a bit of backstory on Rebecca. She married her husband of 6 years within 3 months of meeting online. After exchanging an email or two, they met, went on a couple of dates and he was sold.
In their religious Judaic faith, touching of any kind is forbidden before marriage. When I told her about this gentleman and his girlfriend abstaining, she said, “Yvonne, we don’t even get to touch. No hugging, no kissing, no nothing until we say, I do. That was a part of the incentive for marrying quickly.”
Go Ahead And Get Married
She continued, “Yvonne when you know you know and what you know will change after you marry. You see, no matter how long you date, you will never see all sides of the person. As long as you see the fundamentals and you agree on the important things and you know within your inner knower that this person is it, go on ahead and get married.”
Abstain Until Marriage
I know of a young couple who recently got engaged after three years of dating. They are waiting another eighteen months before they marry. Something about that is not wise to me especially since they want to abstain until marriage. He lives alone. She lives alone and they don’t really have other people around them to support them as a couple.
Fall Into Sexual Immorality
To me, waiting another eighteen months leaves the door wide open to do the very thing they don’t want to do. Waiting a year and a half to plan a big wedding? I don’t know about that. I’d rather them marry sooner in a smaller wedding than wait and possibly fall into sexual immorality.
I Have The Desire To Do What Is Good
Paul speaks about the dilemma of desiring to do good yet doing evil in Romans 7:15-20; “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Burning With Lust
Now listen, I’m not suggesting you run off and marry the first person who comes along because you’re burning with lust although 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 says, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self–control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.” I went over to John MacArthur’s website Grace to You and here’s a bit of how he expounds on that verse;
If, however, a single believer did not have self–control, that person should seek to marry. If a Christian is single but does not have the gift of singleness and is being strongly tempted sexually, he or she should pursue marriage. Let them marry in the Greek is in the aorist imperative, indicating a strong command. “Get married,” Paul says, for it is better to marry than to burn. The term means “to be inflamed,” and is best understood as referring to strong passion (cf. Rom. 1:27). A person cannot live a happy life, much less serve the Lord, if he is continually burning with sexual desire—even if the desire never results in actual immorality. And in a society such as Corinth’s, or ours, in which immorality is so prevalent and accepted, it is especially difficult not to succumb to temptation.
I believe that once a Christian couple decides to get married they should do it fairly soon. In a day of lowered standards, free expression, and constant suggestiveness, it is extremely difficult to stay sexually pure. The practical problems of an early marriage are not nearly as serious as the danger of immorality.
Christians Are Human Too
The pull of sexual temptation is strong amongst Christian singles especially those in committed relationships with the person they want to marry. Christians are humans too. We have the same sexual urges as non-Christians. Denying you have those urges doesn’t make you a better Christian or more Christian.
Marry Fairly Soon
Here’s where I stand on the matter, if a Christian couple wants to honor God and they plan to marry, I agree with John McArthur, they should marry fairly soon to avoid the serious dangers of immorality. There’s a huge difference between getting married solely because you want to have sex and getting married because you want to honor God in a marital sexual relationship.
What say you? Is marrying sooner a better idea once you’ve identified the person you want to marry? Is it better to wait long than marry wrong?
Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:
1. Leave a comment below
2. Share this post if you like it
P.S. I’m not getting married…yet…