Waiting Until Marriage Does Not Guarantee A Great Sex Life

by Yvonne Chase on October 13, 2017

Zero Guarantee
Are you a virgin? If yes, why? Are you one of those virgins who thinks waiting until marriage will guarantee a great sex life? If you are, it’s time to get a new thought. Waiting until marriage comes with a zero guarantee of sexual gratification in marriage.

Motives Are Right
The only guarantee that comes with waiting until marriage is no STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Peace of mind can be a guarantee if our motives are right. I’m waiting until marriage, however, I’m not a virgin. Some call me a born-again virgin because of the length of time on my journey of celibacy and abstinence.

Mind-Blowing Sex Life
This journey has nothing to do with some great reward I expect to receive in the form of an amazing husband and mind-blowing sex life. The reality is, while I’d like to marry, I may never marry.

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Frustration And Disappointment
My journey is solely about obedience to my Heavenly Father. Obedience brings peace of mind. If my obedience is attached to the reward of a husband and amazing sex once I marry, frustration and disappointment could very well be the end result.

Unrealistic Expectations
Perhaps we need to get rid of the verbiage; waiting until marriage and simply say I’m walking in obedience or something else. There’s something about that verbiage that creates unrealistic expectations and disappointment. Does that make sense?

Sexually Incompatible
Yesterday, I read an article titled I Saved My Virginity For My Husband And Ended Up With Bad Sex. “I waited for this?” is how the article opened followed by, “That was the thought that ran through my head as my then-husband climbed off of me, unaware of the disappointment that was building up inside.” Divorce papers were on the table three years into their marriage because they were sexually incompatible. Here’s a bit of what she says:

I was finally doing the thing I always wanted to do! And yet…it felt like something was missing. Although I was enjoying it, a part of me questioned whether there was something more that I should’ve been experiencing. Unlike me, it wasn’t his first time having sex, so I was surprised that I lacked the feeling of ecstasy that so many of my friends had described. Throughout the years, I began to notice that our sex life was getting increasingly more boring each time we had sex. It got to the point where I found myself drinking alcohol just to enjoy it. 

Sexual Duty
Seems like women are the only ones waiting these days. Every female virgin I know married a man who wasn’t a virgin. What’s that about? I know parents who drill it into their daughters to wait yet that same message doesn’t apply to their sons. Hey parents, are you telling your sons to wait too or is that message solely for your daughters? Something ain’t right about that. I only know of one male virgin that I met on TV and now follow on Twitter. Do you know any male virgins? Anyway, if you’re single and want to be married, know that when you say I do, you are saying I do to fulfilling your sexual duty in marriage. Paul says so in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Read with me:

Teaching on Marriage
7 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and [b]come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Butterflies In Your Belly
Let’s define duty. According to the good old dictionary, duty is a task or action that someone is required to perform. Synonyms for the word duty are job, task, assignment, mission, function, charge, place, role, responsibility, obligation. Of course, those words don’t sound all romantic and stuff but hey, marriage isn’t always about romance and butterflies in your belly. There’s a lot of duty in marriage outside of the sexual relationship. Forget about marriage for a second…there’s a lot of duty in life period!

Sex Is The Gorilla Glue
No matter the word you choose; duty, task, responsibility, assignment etc, we are called to do everything without complaining, grumbling or arguing. I’m guessing “everything” includes sex with your spouse? It is my belief that the more sex a couple has, the stronger the marital bond. Sex is the Gorilla glue for your marriage. Am I wrong? Talk to me married people.

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A Place Of Satisfaction
If I do marry, because I understand Gods plan for sex in marriage and his purpose for it, I look forward to creating a healthy sex life with my husband. Whenever we create something, it often takes time to get it to a place of satisfaction. That means both husband and wife need to be committed to communicating transparently about their wants and needs. 

Fulfilling Sexual Experience
It will take time to learn each other’s bodies, likes, dislikes and all the nuances that come with a fulfilling sexual experience. What’s fulfilling to one couple may be drab to the next so it’s up to each couple to decide what works for your marriage and your marriage alone.

Consistently Working At It
I could write a whole lot more about this topic and I probably will in another post, but let me say this again in closing, waiting until marriage does not guarantee a great sex life. What guarantees a great sex life are two people; husband and wife, with a strong desire and willingness to explore and embrace sexual intimacy then consistently working at it till death do them part.

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Something to think about…

What say you? Do we need to get rid of the verbiage “Waiting until marriage?” Does that verbiage set us up for disappointment? Why is the message of waiting until marriage directed to daughters and not sons? Are you teaching your sons to wait? How important is sex in marriage?

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Crystal October 17, 2017

Yvonne, I had a young lady committed to purity tell me just a few weeks ago that she had resigned herself to the fact that there were no more pure men for marriage. My heart grieved that a woman would get to this place of settling, and I encouraged her to not only believe that God, in fact, has a man of purity for her but to also pray for this. I really enjoy your frank insight here!

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Yvonne Chase October 17, 2017

@Crystal,

Thank you. I’ve done a lot of living. To date, I only knew one male virgin personally and that is my brother who is now resting in peace. I’ve had frank conversations with his two sons to walk in their father’s footsteps as that is what he would want for them and teach them if he were alive.

As I said in the post, the only other male virgin I know of is a pastor I met on TV. All the best to this young lady as she holds out for a male virgin/man of purity.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…4 Ways To Overcome Sexual Sin Once And For AllMy Profile

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Scott October 18, 2017

Hooray to you Yvonne for this mention. There are many Christians who stay away from this conversation and give the notion that all will be well when you get there, NOT! I do believe that Great Expectations will set you up for disappointment so go
it with eyes wide shut and be willing work at it : )

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Yvonne Chase October 18, 2017

@Scott,

And that is why I wrote this post because Christians run away from this conversation when it’s actually a very important conversation we need to have.

Willing to work at it is definitely the way to go.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Kids And Dating Can Be A Disaster Or NotMy Profile

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