Hardness Of Heart, Decision Day, And Married At First Sight

by Yvonne Chase on July 28, 2017

Dial It Back
Last night was the season finale of Married At First Sight. What a long, drawn out season. I’m glad it’s over. I don’t know whose idea it was to drag it out to eight weeks but if you’re reading this, please dial it back to six weeks. Thanks. 

Three Out Of Three
The experts are happy this season because for the first time in Married At First Sight history, three out of three couples decided to stay married. I don’t know if they’re happy with the decisions made or if they’re happy because their record of failure is now null and void. 

Importance Of Boundaries
Ashley and Anthony were the first couple who gave their decision to stay married and I don’t think anyone was surprised. Before decision day, both Ashley and Anthony knew they had fallen in love with each other, however, neither would say it. Ashley was waiting for Anthony to say it. Her wait ended last night when he told her he wanted to stay married. I believe they will be fine as long as Ashley understands the importance of boundaries. She and her sister are super close and that could be problematic if Ashley doesn’t keep her out of their marriage. 

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Without A Soul Tie
Danielle and Cody surprised everyone when they decided to stay married. The bone of contention between them is they still have not consummated their marriage. To me, that’s not a big deal. It’s only been two months and they’re strangers. They have the best shot of marital success because they’ve used the eight weeks to build a friendship and really get to know each other. Sex will come if they’re attracted to each other and they both want it. If sex doesn’t come and they decide to end their marriage, they can do so without a soul tie. The best way to end any romantic relationship is without a soul tie. 

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Higher Level Of Maturity
Last up are Sheila and Nate who both decided to stay married. The one thing that stood out about them this season is their ugly, volatile fights. In the episode before decision day, Sheila called Nate the “B” word that rhymes with witch. She came into the marriage proudly announcing her level of relationship experience and the fact that she’s older than him but I must say, Nate has shown a higher level of maturity and a cooler head overall. Age has nothing to do with maturity.

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Hardness Of Heart
Earlier in the day before I watched the season finale, I had a long conversation with a married friend in crisis then last night after the finale, I had a conversation with a colleague who is divorced. I also read an article earlier in the day that talked about the one thing guaranteed to end all marriages; hardness of heart. The writer, Meg Marie Wallace says hardness of heart is:

  • Lacking genuine sorrow over sin.
  • Continuing to go back again and again into temptation, lies, and deceit.
  • Choosing to think of yourself as most important.
  • Choosing what’s best for you and not the other.
  • The small lies and huge lies that you convince yourself are not a big deal.
  • Being unteachable.
  • Tearing down with words.
  • Comparing and contrasting your wrongs against the other and making the judgment that “theirs is worse.”
  • Responding with defensiveness.
  • The need to always be in control.
  • Waiting for the other to say sorry first.
  • Demanding the other change first.
  • Thinking more of what you deserve instead of what you can give.
  • Focusing more on being right than on becoming righteous.
  • What you can get out of someone instead of how you can invest in them.
  • The refusal to forgive.
  • The refusal to humble yourself to ask for forgiveness.
  • Saying you forgive, but never letting go.
  • Asking for forgiveness and then going back to do the same thing again.
  • Magnifying the weaknesses and minimizing the strengths of the other, while magnifying the strengths and minimizing the weaknesses of yourself.
  • Justifying wrongful actions because they “started it first.”
  • Spending more time trying to find an official clinical diagnosis to explain away their issues than looking in the mirror to address your own.
  • Preserving your own well-being at the expense of the other.
  • Reading this list and thinking someone else should be reading this…

She continues,

When I write that marriage takes work, I’m talking about grueling, gut wrenching, goes-against-everything-you-feel work. I’m talking about choosing to daily lay down your life for another, looking for ways to love, to pursue, and being relentless to leave no room for distance. This kind of work is staying in conversations that are extremely difficult, learning to have the self-control to know when to pause those conversations, and then exercising the diligence to pick it back up again. I’m talking about constantly thinking past what their mouth is saying to seek out what it is their heart is saying. I’m talking about loving when the other is unlovable and respecting when the other is not respectable. This kind of work is being exhausted from the day’s events yet still making time to be present, to connect, to see, to listen, and to be a friend. It’s work to truly forgive and it’s beyond challenging to continue to walk in that forgiveness, again and again, refusing to hold onto past wrongs or hang them over their head.

Know What They’re Signing Up For
Next week is the Married At First Sight reunion show where we will find out if Danielle and Cody have consummated their union and are still married and we’ll see what’s happening with Ashley and Anthony and find out if they’re still married. We know Sheila and Nate are still married because they shared their one-year anniversary news via Twitter. After reading Meg’s piece, watching this season and having the numerous conversations I have almost daily around marriage, I honestly don’t know if couples know what they’re signing up for when they say, “I do.” 

Something to think about…

What say you? What do you believe is the one thing that will end all marriages? Did you know what you were signing up for when you got married? 

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Liz Teaches July 30, 2017

I am very much inspired by your post. Yes, age doesn’t matter–it has nothing to do with the maturity. What matters the most is the Love.

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Carol ("Mimi") July 30, 2017

Thank you for linking up at The Blogger’s Pit Stop Link Party. I’m sharing your link on social media.
Carol (“Mimi”) from Home with Mimi
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Sue Donaldson July 31, 2017

Love means laying down your life whether you feel like it or not. True Story. (:

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Yvonne Chase August 7, 2017

@Sue,

That’s the way love goes!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A Speck, A Plank And Fighting Our Way To Great RelationshipsMy Profile

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Victoria August 7, 2017

I am 12 yrs into my second marriage and no I had no idea what I was getting into. lol In some instances the second time is easier and in some harder. But this time it is till death do we part.
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Yvonne Chase August 7, 2017

@Victoria,

Don’t feel bad. Based on what I’ve observed, most people have no idea what they’re getting into when they marry. All the best to you and yours till death do you part.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…I Didn’t Mean To Marry My Parent But It Looks Like I DidMy Profile

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