Jay Z On Marriage And Why You Need To Sit In The Eye Of The Hurricane

by Yvonne Chase on November 30, 2017

Save Their Marriage
Rapper Jay Z dropped a few nuggets of wisdom on marriage and divorce in a recent sit-down interview with Dean Baquet of the New York Times. In that interview, he talked about the work he and his wife Beyonce did to save their marriage. I am such a huge fan of what he said and I enjoyed the interview overall. Like Jay, I believe in conversation. Sweeping stuff under the rug and acting as if it didn’t happen annoys my soul. It’s such a dishonest way of being.

Jay
Hard Conversations
It’s why I wrote this post about hard conversations. We have to have the hard conversations. There’s no way around it if we’re going to have great marriages and authentic relationships. Jay and Beyonce had to have a few hard conversations to get to the other side in their marriage.

Everything Is Connected
In addition, he went to therapy to get to the root of his demons. The most important thing he learned in therapy is this; “Everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. When we understand this, we can provide a softer landing to those who hurt us.” Powerful!

Got To The Other Side
You all know I’m a fan of getting the help we need to be healthy from the inside out. If you ask me, everyone, especially black men as I said in this post could benefit from a session of therapy, counseling or whatever word you choose to call it to make it feel better for you. Here’s what Jay said about how he and Beyonce got to the other side: 

BAQUET I’m trying to picture the scene when you and your wife both talked about making these very confessional, open albums. Was it difficult to say: “I’m gonna talk about the problems in our marriage. I’m gonna talk about how we almost lost things.” And for her to say: “I’m gonna talk about my pain and anger at you.” What were those conversations like?

JAY-Z Again, it didn’t — it didn’t happen in that way. It happened — we were using our art almost like a therapy session. And we started making music together.

BAQUET And what was her reaction to your work and what was your reaction to hers? They must have caused pain for each of you, right?

JAY-Z Of course. And both very, very uncomfortable, but […] the best place in the, you know, hurricane is like in the middle of it.

BAQUET Yeah.

JAY-Z We were sitting in the eye of that hurricane. 

BAQUET Yeah.

JAY-Z But the best place is right in the middle of the pain.

BAQUET Right.

JAY-Z And that’s where we were sitting. And it was uncomfortable. And we had a lot of conversations. You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something ’cause most people can’t see themselves. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself.

BAQUET Yeah.

JAY-Z So, you know, most people don’t want to do that. You don’t want to look inside yourself.

BAQUET Yeah.

JAY-Z And so you walk away.

Root Of Bitterness
My pastor talked about this in a recent sermon. He referenced Hebrews 12:15 which speaks about a root of bitterness and he continued with, “Roots of bitterness grow when we don’t deal with stuff. We give place to the Devil when we don’t deal with matters and we’re not repentant. A house divided against itself will never stand. Reading the Bible and praying ain’t going nowhere when things are not dealt with.”

Jay
Eye Of The Hurricane
As he continued in his sermon, he mentioned the number of marriages that end in divorce because we don’t deal with stuff. Perhaps the marriage between Jay Z and Beyonce might’ve come to an end eventually if they didn’t sit in the eye of the hurricane and deal with the pain they both caused each other.

Deal With The Problem
As Jay said in another part of the interview, “You can’t have a solution until you deal with the problem. What you reveal you heal. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.” I couldn’t have said it better. The wisdom Jay Z shared coupled with the wisdom of my pastor could save a lot of marriages and heal a lot of homes. Are you willing to sit in the eye of the hurricane?

Something to think about…

What say you? Has a root of bitterness ever sprung up in your life, marriage, relationships? How do you deal with roots of bitterness? Do you deal with stuff or do you sweep it under the rug?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

P.S. you can watch the full interview here

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