A Mere Six Months
“I fell in love with who he pretended to be” is the answer Keshia Knight Pulliam aka Rudy gave when asked if she still loves her now ex-husband Ed Hartwell who abruptly filed for divorce after a mere six months of marriage. They dated for all of four months before saying I do in their living room on New Years Eve 2015.
Keep Your Eyes Wide Open
Stories like this are why I wrote this post about idealism vs realism. If a man wants to marry you badly enough, he will pretend to be everything you want him to be. Keep your eyes wide open while dating. When I shared those sentiments on Twitter, my little sister chimed in and said, “Yup!!! And he will rush you so that he doesn’t have to fake for long. Mine tried to get me married in three months.”
Women Pretend Too
Men aren’t the only pretenders. Women pretend too. If a woman wants to be married badly enough, she’ll pretend to not see what’s staring her in the face. The worst part of this story is Keshia is pregnant with their daughter. What a horrible mess! Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…
Dragging His Feet
That’s painful to watch. Sweet Rudy deserves so much better. Before dating Ed, Keshia was in a relationship with Big Tigger. Apparently, they broke up because he was dragging his feet to the altar. Seems like she really wanted to be married. Seems like she really wanted to be married to have a baby.
Okay Being Single
So how do we avoid finding ourselves in Keshia’s shoes? You know what, as I said here,
- We have to get to a place where we are okay being single.
- We have the patience to wait for God’s best no matter how long it takes.
- We don’t define any part of our lives by our relationship status.
When a woman is not okay being single, she ignores the red flags. When a woman is okay being single, she walks away. When a woman has the patience to wait for God’s best, she takes her time in getting to know someone. She’s not pressed on any side. When a woman does not define any part of her life by her relationship status, it’s easy for her to live out numbers one and two.
The Exception Not The Rule
Based on what I saw in that video especially the end of it, it’s clear Keshia wanted a baby and she wanted it in marriage. Unfortunately, she picked the wrong guy and unfortunately she stayed too long with Big Tigger. When we stay too long, we are now pressed for time and we marry the first reasonable option. Keshia is a 37-year-old woman. While many women are having children at a later age, that’s the exception, not the rule.
There Are Always Signs
I’m sure during their short four months of dating, Keshia saw a sign that should’ve made her pause. There’s always a sign. We know Ed from seeing him on the Real Housewives of Atlanta when he was married to Lisa Wu with whom he shares an 8-year-old son. Apparently, Lisa found out about his marriage online even though they all ran in the same circles. He didn’t have the decency or respect to tell her he was marrying Keshia. I’d say that’s a sign, wouldn’t you? He repeated that behavior by not having the decency and respect to let Keshia know his plans to divorce beforehand.
The Signs Were There
I’ve been doing this a long time. Every time I hear a story of a marriage gone wrong, the signs were there early on but they were ignored, rationalized or watered down to not being such a big deal. As one of my Twitter followers says and I agree, “That still small voice is always speaking, but we choose to “follow your heart”. Worst advice to receive or give. Worst advice indeed. Our hearts will betray us every single time. Jeremiah 17:9 warns us about our heart; “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” We must use our heads and our hearts simultaneously.
“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of your happiness or misery.” H. Jackson Brown
Something to think about…
What say you? How soon is too soon to marry?
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