Ladies…Its About YOU Not Him

by Yvonne Chase on February 3, 2014

ladies Does He Like Me?
“Stop focusing on whether or not he likes you.  Decide whether or not you like him.” I LOVE everything about that statement.  One of my Twitter peeps, Suzanne @FantasyDaters shared that today and I had to write about it.  So many ladies date from a place of, “Does he like me?”  They’ll leave a date then call their girlfriend like that chick Gigi did in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and go on and on with all sorts of scenarios to figure out if he likes you or not.

He Didn’t Like Her
In the movie, Gigi’s date Conor Barry ordered a second round of drinks on their first date and she took that to mean he liked her.  He didn’t like her.  She was so desperate to be liked by him that she twisted herself into a pretzel trying to find out.  She wouldn’t even accept her mother’s phone calls because she wanted her line was free if/when he called.  Guess she didn’t have call waiting? He never called!  Turns out he didn’t like her.  That’s her staring at her phone waiting to find out if he likes her or not meanwhile he went on with business as usual never giving a second thought to whether she liked him or not.

ladies The Choice Is Yours
If more ladies approached dating from the mindset of deciding if she likes him, many would spend less time in dead end dating relationships.  Suzanne says, “Too often, we spend dates consumed by thoughts like, “Does he like me?” and “Do I look okay?” Thoughts like that take your mind out of the present and away from the date.  Just think of all the valuable information you may be missing while your mind is tripping.  Instead, remember, the choice is yours.  Relax and focus on what you like about your date and whether or not you’d like to see him again.”

Be Gracious About It
Once you decide whether you like him or not, you know exactly what to do.  If you don’t like him, it’s time to tell him.  Don’t lead him on.  Don’t take advantage of him.  Don’t  pull a couple more free meals and drinks out of him.  Don’t waste his time or your time.  Tell him and be gracious about it.  No need to hurt his feelings.  If Conor had the courage to tell Gigi he didn’t like her, she wouldn’t have turned into a crazy person trying to find out.

Dating Takes Courage
The flip side is also true;  if you like him, tell him.  Dating takes courage.  If he says the feeling isn’t mutual, good.  You’re free to move on.  If the feeling is mutual, you have something to explore.  Either way, it’s a win-win.  Deciding if you like him early on spears your feelings and his.  If he tells you he doesn’t like you after a first date, what do you care? You just met him!

Something to think about…

What say you? Do women tend to focus more on him and what he likes while dating?  Why are some women so desperate to be liked? Are men just as desperate to be liked and hide it better or do they just not care?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Shaunda February 8, 2014

I think in the beginning of dating someone, most men and women want to be liked especially if you’re physically attracted to each other. When I have dinner with them, I either let them select the spot and I order something inexpensive just in case things don’t workout. If I see something I do not like in the beginning, I try to end it graciously and really fast before feelings get involved. Men don’t like to lose. They’re not going to be happy but, they have to accept it. I usually tell them over the phone.

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Shaunda February 8, 2014

I think in the beginning of dating someone, most men and women want to be liked especially if you’re physically attracted to each other. When I have dinner with them, I either let them select the spot and I order something inexpensive just in case things don’t workout. If I see something I do not like in the beginning, I try to end it graciously and really fast before feelings get involved. Men don’t like to lose. They’re not going to be happy but, they have to accept it. I usually tell them over the phone.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 8, 2014

Shaunda,

I agree…men and women want to be liked but somehow I don’t think men obsess about it like women do. Like they’re not stalking their phones and ignoring calls from important people. They’re on to the next date.

That could have something to do with how we approach dating. I believe the approach depending on each individual of course is very different for men and women.

I’m the queen of bowing out graciously and communicating how I feel immediately whether in person or on the phone. I don’t play with people’s feelings.

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Suzanne Stavert February 15, 2014

We will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in October. Clearly we are doing something right. Our daughter is 25 and dating. I hear all of her stories and am always there to set her straight. Your posts will be very helpful to her. I will forward this one on to her. Thank you! Visiting from SITS

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Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

Suzanne,

CONGRATULATIONS on 30 years of marriage. What a blessing!

Thanks for passing it on to your daughter and thanks for stopping by. SITSTAHS rock!

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Wendy @ ABCs and Garden Peas February 15, 2014

I can’t tell you how much I wish I had know this when I was younger. For me, it was all about “him”, whoever he was at the time. Never about me. Now? Oh, WOW, how my outlook has changed! I just wish I could go back to the young girl I was, shake some sense into her and show her how fabulous she was!

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Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

Wendy,

With age comes wisdom. Since you can’t go back, go forward and shake some sense into any little girl you see who doesn’t realize how fabulous she is.:-)

Thanks for stopping by!

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Sylvia February 17, 2014

This is all so true… I remember being on a few dates, coming back home and telling me friend “yeah, it was OK… Don’t care if nothing else happens”, but then nothing else happens and I completely forget that I didn’t really care, and I just focus on “Why on earth didn’t I like him?”. Seems so silly when I write it down. 😛

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