Flourish All Over Again
Over the weekend I read an article directed to single men that asked the question, “What happens when you stay single for too long?” The article said a whole lot but here’s a bit of what resonated with me: “When you go a long time without being in a relationship, you can take a few more chances. Why? Well, you’ve been alone before, and have survived. Hell, you may have even flourished. Thus being in a relationship isn’t the be-all-to-end-all. You know that life doesn’t end if this relationship ends. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll survive, you may even flourish all over again.”
I have been alone before and I’ve thrived; I’ve actually flourished. My single years were great years. Being happy without needing the company of another is quite liberating. Although I’m in a relationship now, being in a relationship for me has never been the be-all-to-end-all. I absolutely love our relationship, it’s so good, however, my life would not end if it ends. My love made an observation about me that’s spot on. He said, “You were raised in a such a way that you don’t need anybody. You can make it fine in life on your own.”
Not Attached To People Or Things
Of course, we need people, however, I know exactly what he meant. My identity, my joy, my happiness, my confidence and my peace are not attached to people or things. Never have been, never will be. It is my relationship with God that fully sustained me during my single years and allowed me to flourish and that primary relationship continues to sustain me in our relationship.
Don’t Ever Go Back
The alternative to being in a relationship; living single, sucks for so many that they move forward in a relationship and stay in it even when it no longer works. I’m not talking to married people. You took vows, figure it out. I’m talking to and about single people like me in committed relationships who stay and stay and stay even though every red flag says walk away and don’t ever go back.
Change Our Minds
As we start out on the journey of premarital counseling, we’re taking the command, “Marriage is not to be entered into lightly” very seriously; so serious that if we change our minds about each other, we will be honest about it and move on.
A Loving Marriage
I had a conversation with a colleague who’s been married twenty. When I told her about our plan to start premarital classes, she was happy. She said it was mandatory at her church and it was the best thing they ever did. For her, it was about a loving marriage, not a big wedding. Same for me. She hadn’t been dreaming of her wedding since she was five and neither have I.
Make You Or Break You
I understand why God created marriage and I understand his plan for marriage. Pastor Jimmy Evans of Marriage Today says it best, “When God creates anything, he creates it for success. He designs it according to the laws of His kingdom and His Word. When you follow these laws, you will find success.” And this is why premarital is mandatory for us. We want to set ourselves up for success in every way possible because we both know, whom you marry can make you or break you. Plus I don’t want to be that wife that sends her husband to the corner of the roof!
What say you? How do you feel about living single? Is there such a thing as staying single too long? Do you recommend premarital counseling? Did you take premarital counseling? What did you learn? What’s one of your best pieces of marriage advice?
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