Christian Single Men – Are You Looking For A Wife?

by Yvonne Chase on April 11, 2012

Last week I had a conversation with my Twitter timeline about putting a dent in the large numbers of Christian single women.  Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…

Ways of the World
I’ve been moving in Christian circles for a very long time and could easily be considered an authority on this demographic.  From the east coast to the west coast, I’ve seen a whole lot.  What I’m seeing now more than ever is a generation of CSM (Christian Single Men) who’ve adopted the ways of the world.

Grinding, Hustling and Making it Rain
They’re grinding, hustling and making it rain while perfecting their swagger.   They walk like, talk like and act like worldly men.  If we’re totally honest with ourselves, we need a magnifying glass to see a distinct difference between a CSM and a worldly single man.  Its not supposed to be this way.

I’ll Get Around to It
Because this is so, finding a wife has taken on an “I’ll get around to it one day” attitude no different than the attitudes of men in the world.  If a large majority of CSM thinks this way, we can’t be surprised at the high numbers of CSW (Christian Single Women.)

Find a Wife
I believe the numbers will decrease and more CSW will marry when CSM understand the importance God places on marriage and the important role of a wife.   The ball is in your court CSM.  It is your responsibility to look for a wife.

On Your Mind and In Your Heart
I don’t know about you but I don’t find what I am not actively seeking.  There are times when I am busily seeking something and I find it and then there are other times when I find the thing I’m seeking because its on my mind and in my heart.  Dear CSM, marriage needs to be on your mind and in your heart

Secret Weapon
Like I said in the video, I truly believe a CSM should be looking for a wife with the same intensity he uses to find a job.  I’ve never understood and still don’t understand why more men aren’t seeking marriage.  Having a godly wife is your secret weapon to winning in life.

Gods Favor
When a man marries Gods choice for him, he obtains Gods favorFavor means, to give special regard to; to treat with good will; to show exceptional kindness too.  To extend generosity far beyond normal expectations.   Because of this favor, I believe a man becomes the best version of himself when he marries.  I believe he achieves his goals faster, his impact on the world and his community increases and he experiences wholeness in a new way.

Great Benefits
When I look at marriage, I see nothing but great benefits for any man that has the courage to sign up.  If you ask me, I think men are missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to them by delaying marriage.  One of my followers, @coreyguyton agrees.  He says, after getting saved, I had a desire to find a wife because I no longer had a desire to “play the game”.  The Bible states; delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Since I had that desire and delighted myself in the ways of the Lord, I was able to find the queen He designed for me.  To be completely honest, being married seems to bring a sense of wholeness to my life.

At the end of the day, a CSM has to see the benefits of marriage, understand the important role of a wife, desire a wife, decide he wants a wife and  then look for a wife.   Desire + Decision = Action.  

If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”  Tony Robbins

Something to think about…

What say you…CSM, is marriage a priority for you? Are you actively seeking a wife?  Why? Why not? CSW, are you single because marriage is not a priority to the men in your circle? What are some of your observations of CSM and CSW? What can we do differently? Chime in…

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

LaTanya

As a CSW, I was afraid of the thought of marriage at one point because of certain insecurities. I had to pray and ask God to remove my insecurities, so that I can love myself the way I need to. Another reason why I was afraid of marriage is because I was scared to give my heart to someone who might not take good care of it. When I think of marrying a person, I’d like to think they’d have my best interest at heart, love me for me, care for me, value my heart and mind, etc. I was afraid I wasn’t going to get that. For me, the thought of giving myself away to a man was frightening because I don’t want him to abuse it. I’d nit-pick and get really picky when I see men acting certain ways, and pray MY future husband was nothing like that, because I wouldn’t wanna handle a man acting certain ways. What woman wouldn’t wanna be treated like a queen? So I figured waiting would be my best bet, I’d wait until God sends the perfect man for me! Not someone who I can “tolerate”, but someone I’d be glad to submit to, glad to have lead me, and not be afraid to trust him with my heart and to be a permanent fixture in my future

Reply

Yvonne Chase

Hi there LaTanya,

I really like what you said about tolerating. When I was training to become a coach, one of the programs we worked through was all about zapping tolerations because our tolerance runs out sooner than later.

Its never a good idea to be with someone you tolerate or who tolerates you. Gladly submitting to is a much better idea. You’re headed in the right direction once you remove the fear.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

Reply

Tyreese

As a young CSM, marriage is something I have made a top priority in life. I actively am not seeking a wife, because I have already found her. She is the motivation I have to strive to be a better man and future husband. Realizing the issues I had with my many encounters with women, I had to make adjustments to come to a state of mind that I didn’t want to make marriage a lesser priority due to the poor perceptional, paradigmatic view of relationships and marriage by statistical relevance. In her, I am finding her to edify me and not just tolerate me. It’s time for us CSM’s to stand up and take a stand to close the gap between unmarried Christian Single Couples. It does start with us, the man.

Reply

Yvonne Chase

Hi there Tyreese,

Glad you’ve found your wife. All the best to you and her.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

Reply

Adrianne

I need to get my credit together. It’s time to lose weight. This masters degree has to be finished first. Those are a few of the reasons I used to tell myself in order to comfort me when I wondered why I was still single. I have since realized that I’m single because like you stated in the article, a lot of men aren’t looking for wives. CSM, especially the college educated ones now feel as though they are a hot commodity without a wife and I agree they are looking like the world but so are some CSW. So many women have the mindset “I don’t need a man” that it has turned men off. They unfortunately have aloud a few negative experiences to shape each future interaction. Wise people realize that interdependence is key when dealing with relationships. I have been guilty of giving too much and not being the woman God has called me to be before so I do believe that I had to get to a place of maturity and understanding before I was really ready to be a wife. I’m still single but I don’t think its because of my unrealistic expectations. I am designed to be someone’s helpmeet. I know that with me his vision will grow and our household will be blessed. I know that I’ll be a wife. I have been trough the season of impatience and making it happen and ended up in an abusive relationship so until God sends whoever my him is, I’ll be working diligently and waiting patiently.

Reply

Yvonne Chase

Hi Adrienne,

A male friend and I were talking the other day and he mentioned the mindset of todays independent woman. He mentioned that it makes it really hard to be the man and have a relationship with that kind of woman. I guess its a sign of the times in which we live.

“Having it together” before marriage is quite admirable however, putting off marriage and possibly ignoring the person for you because of conditions that are definitely subject to change is not the best idea in my book.

Working diligently and waiting patiently sounds like a great plan. All the best to you.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

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Krys Talley

I can absolutely agree with the points you made in this article. As a Christian married woman, I too have been in the midst of CSW and CSM…and I have noticed the tremendous similarity between worldly men AND CSM. Let me point out, though, that I have also noticed an increasing similarity between CSW and worldly women. So that plays a huge role in the lack of vetting between the two groups.

Also, the idea that some CSW and CSM have expectations that may be too overzealous is substantiated in the fact that too many CSW look for perfection in men that they just won’t find in today’s world or ever. God didn’t create man or woman to be that way, we all have flaws so we have to learn what we’re going to accept and not accept. We can’t be the victims of our own expecations….I wrote a blog about this, you can click on my name and it should take you there.

Another thing CSW and CSM need to consider is how they are meeting…if they are starting off their vetting process in unGodly settings or characterisitics then they will have to face the long term consequences of that when they’re trying to further pursue a lasting relationship. Movies today aren’t helping CSW with this, for instance like the new movie “THINK LIKE A MAN” from Steve Harvey’s book…women should think like women, and men should think like men. If God wanted us to have the opposite sex’s frame of mind, then he would have created us as such. It clearly says in the Bible that we are to bring our individual characteristics and mesh them as one.

Here’s the article I wrote about that particular subject, entitled “Act Like a Lady, Leave a Man to Think for Himself”
http://www.christianchameleon.blogspot.com/2011/12/im-married-single-and-ruining-it.html

Reply

Yvonne Chase

Amen Krys. We can’t be the victims of our own expectations is a great point. Also, have you read my thoughts on Think Like A Man? I agree wholeheartedly…men need to be men, women need to be women and we need to bring out whole selves together and let God mesh us into one.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Appreciate you.

Reply

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