A Manly Man Puts His Woman In Her Place

by Yvonne Chase on January 8, 2016

False Sense Of Power
What does it mean to be a man? What is a manly man? How does being a man look? Can a guy be laid back and still be a man or does he need to throw around a false sense of power and put you in your place while spouting aggression? I’m asking because of what I’ve been watching week after week on season three of Married At First Sight. Have you been watching? If you have, then you know I’m talking about Sam and Neil.

Man Up
Sam has been attacking Neil’s manhood from day one.  According to her, Neil is not a manly man.  He’s the “B” word that rhymes with witch and the “P” word some women use to describe their genitalia.  I HATE that word!  Sam wants Neil to man up! His laid-back demeanor makes him less of a man.  Neil finally had enough of her attacks and asked her to stop with the name calling.  She got mad at him for waiting so long to tell her it bothered him.  Why didn’t she know derogatory name calling would bother him? In what world is it okay to call your man/husband out of his name like that? 

manly
A Real Man Would’ve Spoken Up
Instead of dealing with the real issue; her use of derogatory names, she further attacked his manhood. A real man would’ve spoken up in that moment and told her to stop with the names.  Because he didn’t, he wasn’t a man. Twitter seems to think Sam wants someone to order her around while pulling her hair.  One of my male followers said, “He’s offering a balanced, caring warmth that she’s incapable of recognizing or appreciating.” Clearly! 

She Wants To Be Put In Her Place
During a meeting with resident expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Sam and Neil were asked to discuss how they each see the role of husband and wife.  Sam sees herself as the less dominant person in the relationship.  She wants to be put in her place at times when need be.  Neil wants to continue doing all the stuff he did before marriage in his marriage; cook, clean, do laundry etc.  It’s 50/50 for him.  They both cook, clean, do laundry and they both work and provide.   In closing, Sam said Neil is too laid back for what she can tolerate or take and as a result, she’s shutting down and is unsure if she wants to remain in the marriage.  

Trade In Her Career Cape For An Apron
Sam presented herself to the experts as a solid career woman who wants to continue on that path; she’s a Bank Manager however, it seems like she’s ready to trade in her career cape for an apron and become a real housewife of wherever they live.  She was a career woman because she had to be.  She was single.  She had to do it all solo but now she’s married and no longer has to do it all.  She no longer has to be the man and the woman.  Neil can go out to work and be a manly man while she stays home and revels in her womanhood.  What do you make of Sam’s behavior toward Neil?

Something to think about…

What say you? What does it mean to be a man? How does being a man look? What is a manly man? Do we have a skewed view of manhood? 

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Ezar January 8, 2016

Every single male in the world has heard these three words in some form or another: “Don’t be a p*ssy”; “grow a pair”; “man up.”
We hear these words when men don’t live up to prescribed notions of masculinity. After all, men are supposed to be tough.
And by tough we mean stoic, invulnerable and violent when necessary. Men are not allowed to exhibit emotions. Crying is out of the question.
This mentality is doing more damage to humanity than most of us likely realize.
Remarks like “Stop acting like a female,” “Don’t be a pu**y”, or “He runs/plays like a girl” are far too familiar to us. If it’s the worst crime for a man to be called a woman, it begs the question, what are we then teaching young boys about women? When a man becomes more and more compelled to emulate the qualities of an ideal alpha male, it directly affects his perceptions of women and thus how he views and treats them.
As a little girl I feel like I was socialized into this worldview that I should inherently fear men, a notion validated by many male figures in my life.
Im trying to say that gender roles, however, or masculinity and femininity, are a set of guidelines we’ve imposed upon men and women as a consequence of culture and history.
We’ve created and perpetuated a masculine ideal preventing men from being true to themselves.
And we haven’t just stopped there: Traditional perceptions of masculinity have continued to foster the idea male dominance is the “natural order” of the world. As a result, gender roles are holding both men and women back.
Today, it’s unfortunate being a man too often means adhering to standards fostering oppression, inequality depression, violence and ignorance.
In an ideal world we shouldn’t make presumptions about a person or place limits on him or her based on his or her sex. Most importantly, it means gender wouldn’t be an impediment to progress.
If we were to truly adopt this mentality, being a man would have nothing to do with traditional notions of masculinity.
Rather, to be man would simply mean to be human, and to treat everyone else, regardless of sex, race, religion, age or sexual orientation, as such.
And what a wonderful world that would be.
I end by saying Good men are actually strong because they have moral fortitude and are secure in their strength.
Weak men are insecure and have no moral fortitude, thus they need to try and dominate others and feel strong by hurting others, period, end of story.

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Diane G. Robertson January 13, 2016

Ezar,
Your comment is supremely on point! There is really nothing to add. You have dissected the issues perfectly.

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Yvonne Chase January 8, 2016

@Ezar,

This jumped out at me: “If it’s the worst crime for a man to be called a woman, it begs the question, what are we then teaching young boys about women?” What are we teaching young boys about women? Scary thought!

I grew up around men who subscribed to the prescribed notions of masculinity. Didn’t like it back then and find it highly unattractive now. I repel that kind of man and I’m glad about it.

A man can be vulnerable. He must show emotion. It’s absolutely okay for him to cry. He’s a human being, not a robot! Humans cry. Humans feel. Humans have a vast canvas of emotions. Vulnerability is not just limited to women.

What is he doing with all of his feelings when he’s not being vulnerable, showing emotion or crying? How is that affecting him as a human being? He’s not being true to himself and if he’s not being true to himself, he’s lying to the world.

Let the church say Amen to all of this: ‘Weak men are insecure and have no moral fortitude, thus they need to try and dominate others and feel strong by hurting others, period, end of story.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Do Your Part And Let God Do The RestMy Profile

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Diane G. Robertson January 13, 2016

I really struggle with Sam’s attitude toward Neil. I struggle because Sam isn’t the only woman who views a man like Neil as “less than” because he chooses not to sweat the small stuff. It also makes me truly sad because, I would deeply appreciate a man who thinks about my needs above his own and seeks to make me happy.
I would also like to add that personally, an over the top male, calling me out on every little thing wouldn’t work well for my personality in the least.
In agreement with Ezar, unfortunately it stems from what we have been trained to believe a man is supposed to be like. The Alpha male who calls the shots.
I am getting dizzy just thinking about how many of us are wired and lose out on some good men as a result.
Last season I wanted to snatch Sean away from Davina, and now I want to rescue Neil and lure David away for myself. Lol!
All in all, I am in total agreement Yvonne. I truly hope that Sam, (and particularly Ashley) gets a clue before the end of the 6 weeks.
Well done!
Diane G. Robertson recently posted…Life Passages XVIII-My Profile

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Mmabatho January 25, 2016

Spot on! Sam, just needs to grow up. She is projecting her insecurities and mess onto Neil. He should run and never regret it.

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