Marriage Is All Or Nothing Not An Experiment

by Yvonne Chase on June 17, 2015

Soul Ties Are Nothing To Play With
Last night was the explosive 2-part Married At First Sight: 6 Months Later reunion show and I was there front and center for all of it. Kevin Frazier was a great choice to host because, as a married man, he was able to offer his perspective and it was good. First up was Sean. People have called Sean weak and they’ve even stretched as far as calling him gay because he didn’t consummate his union to Davina. I see Sean as neither. He’s not weak and he’s definitely not gay. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am he didn’t consummate. Soul ties are nothing to play with.

He Was Mismatched
What I saw in Sean was a man who was exhausted by the neediness of self-absorbed Davina who flat out refused to compromise on anything and thinks the world revolves around her and what she wants/needs. Sean came out of the gate last night and took full responsibility for any of his actions that contributed to their divorce. He teared up for a minute because he really wanted this to work. He signed up because he really wanted to find a wife. Unfortunately, he was mismatched.

Where Is Your Accountability?
When she joined Sean on the couch, she was mean and took zero responsibility. Dr Logan Levkoff leaned into her and asked Davina point blank, “What are you responsible for in this marriage at all?” Then Kevin followed up by asking, “Do you believe you’re not to blame at all” and her first response was, “Sean shut down and he blames that on me.” Then Dr. Cilona chimed in and asked, “Where is your accountability at all here?” and her response was, “I don’t think he was ready for this and blah, blah, blah.”  Everyone tried to get her to take responsibility and she took none. Bye, Davina. Dr Levkoff said it best, “The success of a marriage isn’t just on one person. It’s on both.”

Divorce Is Now In Jessica’s Vocabulary
And then there was the hot head Ryan D. Didn’t I tell you all there was something ax murder crazy about him? Since the reunion, Jessica has filed a restraining order against him because he allegedly threatened to kill her AND her family. During the reunion, she called him out on his alleged cheating which he refused to discuss. At least he apologized last night for his foolery during the 6-week experiment. Jessica should’ve ended the experiment when he screamed, “Go read a book!” That would’ve been it for me. No man would ever talk to me like that then expect me to stick around. Too bad it took an abusive 6-week marriage experiment for her to find her voice. Because of this experiment, divorce is now in Jessica’s vocabulary.

experiment

Marriage On A Platter
Last but not least was Ryan R and fan favorite Jaclyn who are no longer together.   As I see it and as I said here, Ryan is lazy and not up for the challenge. He’d rather go back to his mother’s basement to live a safe life.  Ryan is what’s wrong with men today. He needs to get off his mother’s boob and out of that basement! Where are the men with a spine? Where are the men who are up for a challenge? Where are the men who can establish the lead for Pete’s sake? Ryan kept going on and on about her big personality, which is exactly what he needs and his family as if they live in Zimbabwe. They live in Long Island; a car ride away. That’s an easy fix! Jaclyn is the shot in the arm he needs to get a life! She is not his problem. She’s his answer.  At least they were kind and polite to each other last night. The experts and Kevin saw that they have the ingredients to have a great marriage and they’ve decided to give it a second chance.  That great marriage won’t happen by osmosis. Ryan has to grow a spine or have one surgically implanted then get in there and do the work. No one is going to hand you a marriage on a platter.

Marriage Is Not An Experiment
I enjoyed season 1 and I’m happy Doug and Jamie and Kortney and Jason are still going strong.  Season two didn’t gel for me. With all that said, Married At First Sight needs to be cancelled. God did not create marriage to be an experiment. In the real world, you don’t get to experiment with marriage. You marry and that’s it.  After the reunion, I watched the last few minutes of the NBA Playoffs. I was so happy for Stephen “Steph” Curry and the Golden State Warriors. I knew they would win. It’s Steph’s time. Let me tell you a little bit about Steph and why I’m such a huge fan. Steph is a 27-year-old God fearing man of faith who married at the young age of 23.

Marriage Is All Or Nothing
When asked recently why marry so young, he said, “Why waste time if you’ve found the right one? I knew I found the right one. Didn’t want to waste any time. Life is good with her.” High five Steph! Together he and his beautiful wife Ayesha are the parents to their show stopping daughter Riley and they have another bun in the oven due in July. That’s marriage. There was no 6-week experiment. There was a decision made and that decision continues to be made every day.  Seeing them celebrate on the court last night warmed the cockles of my heart. So yea, cancel Married At First Sight or remove the out clause and stick to the theme song that says, “It’s all or nothing.” Another option is to change it to Matched At First Sight.  Let the experts find great people and match them up.  There is a need for this show since over 7,000 singles signed up this season and overall marriage-minded singles are having a challenge meeting.  I’m just not into the experiment factor.  Marriage is all or nothing. It’s not an experiment.

experiment
Something to think about…

What say you? Did you watch last night? What are your thoughts on season 2 and the couples overall? Should Married At First Sight be cancelled? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

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P.S. Jaclyn confirmed via social media today that she and Ryan have split.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Diane Robertson June 17, 2015

All is very well said.
I like the idea of changing the name of the show since there seems to be a need for what the experts have to offer.
Another observation is that I hope that these experiences, at least, served as an eye opener for each of the couples about what type of person they will need to be matched with, and personal tweaks required in their own personalities for successful relationships.
Of course Ryan D needs more of an overhaul than a tweak, and Davina needs to take a hard look at herself in the mirror and chip away at her insurmountable walls that are a road block.
Your summary of the series is on point. I hope the experts, and the show producers see it. (Don’t hesitate to repost and hashtag repeatedly. :0). )

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Diane,

There is definitely a need for what the experts have to offer. I could use their help to meet a marriage minded man.

I hope the participants used this show to take a long look at themselves in the mirror before looking for a new relationship. The show provides great insight to both viewers and participants.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Single People Everywhere Ought To Watch Married At First SightMy Profile

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Gia June 17, 2015

1. But why was Sean crying? That was awkward to watch; really makes you wonder.
2. Davina didn’t own up to anything – but based on the fact that this was an experiment in her mind she approached it as such and was clear on what was being asked of her. To her that does not warrant an apology.
3. Jessica was rude and I’m glad the “experts” called her out on her behavior.
4. Ryan is a nutcase who misled everyone and has deeper issues. BTW I’m not sure what kind of “business consultant” he is but I wouldn’t want any part of any business he’s involved in.
5. The “experts” wanted Jaclyn and Ryan to work so badly that they pressured them to get back together – pressure to be together won’t work in the long haul.

The men were a bunch of non-men; I don’t think any of them know what it means to be a man in a relationship and I could see the experts wondering how’d they get it so wrong.
We don’t need to watch people be married; there are many ways to be married; what you envision as happiness may not be what it is for the next person. The experts should stick to counselling after the fact and not try to play god with what they think they know.

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Mmabatho J. Seete (@MmabathoSisJ) June 17, 2015

I felt Ryan was crying because of disappointment. The loss of a dream. This process has got to be painful and gut-wrenching.

I’m glad the experts reprimanded Jess. What she did was uncalled for and showed her to be emotionally immature. Her and Ryan are an explosive combination.

I was of the same thought that the men are weaklings, but now I’m beginning to think differently. I think they just were not into their wives. I think were they into them, they would have stepped up and done all it took to stay married. From that perspective, the women are better off moving on.

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Mmabatho,

You make a valid point. When a man is into a woman, he steps up and does whatever it takes. The women are better off moving on.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Compromise, Collaborate & Give And Take In Any OrderMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Gia,

I saw nothing wrong with Sean crying. He was disappointed. It didn’t work for him. I believe he really wanted this to work.

Yea, Davina owned up to nothing. Very sad that she thinks her poop don’t stink. It does!

I am so glad Dr. Cilona called Jessica out on her $100 stunt. How childish and immature of her. She’s not ready for marriage.

Pressure to be together definitely won’t work long term.

Dr Logan Levkoff looked uber frustrated during that entire reunion. Looked like she wanted to get out of her chair and go shake Davina. I completely understood her frustration.

Agree…sticking to counseling after the fact is the best idea for the experts. Trying to play God never works.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Ladies, It’s Okay To Take The Initiative SometimeMy Profile

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Diane Robertson June 18, 2015

Great, great, great points Gia.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall in meetings with the experts and the A&E Network executives.

They seemed to be more concerned with scoring a “win”, and looking outwardly successful with the marriages than with the true psychological health of each of those couples. I mean they all need real counseling for a period of time – and Ryan D needs a good licking to go with his counseling as well – Just my 2 cents. :0)

I would even welcome the opportunity to be guided out of my own “road blocks” by a professional.
Diane Robertson recently posted…BOOK REVIEW: “He Who Finds A Wife”My Profile

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Diane Robertson June 17, 2015

This article is a wonderful analysis of the what transpired during Season 2 of “Married at First Sight”.
I truly appreciate your point that marriage is not an experiment. I was initally skeptical when I was turned on to the show during Season 1, but then fell in love with it as I watched “The First Year” and witnessed how the couples were determined to work through both their issues as a couple, and their individual issues with a determination to keep things going.
I was raised by old school parents that are still married after 50 years, and I am sold in the school of thought that if the man is all in, and truly loves the woman, that makes a significant difference. That is the what I noticed with Jason and Doug. Particuarly Jason who was still dealing with the death of his mother – who was practically his only true family – his new job etc.
It is truly unfortunate that Ryan R is not willing to allow this experience to stretch him, and bring him out of his comfort zone. What does he really want from a wife? Jaclyn could have brought so many exciting things to his life, and would have been devoted to him.
Anywho…I just hope that each of the couples have allowed this experience to be an eye-opener about who they are, and what they need in a relationship. I hope they have sincerely all these situations to help them look a little deeper into themselves, and engage in any tweaks necessary. That is the best thing to take away from failed relationships. I work on doing it myself.
Still I pray that Ryan D gets the overhaul that he needs to be the best man he can be, and I also pray for Ms. Davina, that she chips away at her walls, takes a look inward, forgives her Dad and be a strong woman without being a tyrant.
All in all, you have hit every nail on the head with this article Yvonne.
I am just looking forward to see what A&E Networks are going to do about a subsequent season.
2 Thumps up! :0)

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Diane,

It’s not an experiment. You and I both come from old school parents. My parents are still married 51 years later. There was no experiment period for them. It was all in from day one and that’s the way it ought to remain. Lose the experiment!

Ryan R is a fool! You’re right…Jaclyn would’ve brought so much to his life and would’ve been totally devoted to him. He missed out on a good thing and he will regret it later if he doesn’t already.

What happened with Davina and her Dad?
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Ladies, Say Yes To Marriage And No To A Love ContractMy Profile

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Diane Robertson June 18, 2015

I know right? Ryan R is a whip…a chump…a punk.
Jaclyn is the BEST thing that ever happened to him.
I hope, and pray that he takes a deep, deep look inside his heart, and mind and finds his way back – if it is meant to be – before the divorce is final.
AND I feel for Jaclyn! She was careful not to get involved with anyone seriously and open up her heart for 7 years, then this Punk! But God will repay her. I see her as having a good heart.

As for Davina, she told the story about her Mom being a single Indian Mom who was looked down upon by her fellow Indian community. The Dad left them, and her relationship with him was never good. I also believe that she also said he was abusive to the Mom.

I like what you are doing here. These conversations help me look at my insufficiencies as well.

I am the youngest of 5 siblings.
My parents have been married for 50 years, my oldest sibling (no. 1) for 29 years, the younger (no. 2) for 29 years in august, the 3rd for 20 years in august, and the 4th – closest in age to me, but not that close – 22 years this June. I continuously consider what is causing me to make bad decisions, from Dad being overprotective to me not being marriage material and domestic enough…Lol!…Anywho these open discussions, and looking at Jessica, Jaclyn, and Davina helps me to analyze what my walls maybe, how are my communication skills, how do I come across to men…Am I strong, a door mat…and so. With all that said, just wanted to say Keep up the good work Yvonne.
Diane Robertson recently posted…BOOK REVIEW: “He Who Finds A Wife”My Profile

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Diane,

That’s why Davina is Krazy glued to NYC.Sure she may like the city, but living in the city, buying an apartment in the city gives her her worth. Sad! If she knew her worth outside of any material thing, she’d be willing to relocate for the very thing she so desires: marriage.

I write to give people something to think about and to open and broaden the discussion. Thanks

I am the youngest girl of 8 siblings. 5 are married. My oldest sister and I have never married. Marriage has been around me all my life. I know why I’m single and I’m okay with it. Any ol man won’t do…not with what God put in me and how he put me together so I’m content to wait. Jesus will have to deliver him to me. And I don’t say any of that with one drop of arrogance.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…We Can Disagree With Each Other And Still Love Each OtherMy Profile

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Mmabatho J. Seete (@MmabathoSisJ) June 17, 2015

I’m not surprised that after agreeing to give it another try, Jaclyn and Ryan decided to split. I didn’t get the sense his heart was into the union. I felt he was talking himself into continuing with the marriage even as his body-language showed ambivalence. Frankly, much as I agree with the experts that the marriage showed lots of promise, and much as I agree with encouraging them to give it another try, I worried about the pressure of doing so on a public platform (in the same way I don’t like public proposals because I wonder how many actually feel they have to say yes). In the end, Jaclyn deserves a man who is into all of who she is. Ryan is an adult and is capable of knowing what it is he wants in a partner. Based on his actions, it is clear he feels Jaclyn is not that woman for him. They are great people and they will find great people who they will feel at peace about. All the best to them!

Davina is slave to her ego. I pray she outgrows the rose-coloured glass view of herself and the magnifying-glass view of others. I was rooting for them, but in the end Sean is a good man and does not deserve to be with toxic.

I too feel the show should be cancelled. I have yet to watch Season 1, however watching this season left me feeling this experiment left the cast with emotional injury they didn’t need. The emotional roller-coaster of anticipating to meet a partner and to be married, only to be confronted with, not only a painful experience, but have your pain under the glare of a critical public-eye.

I think the experts experimented with bad matches. Especially, Ryan and Jessica. An abuser and a people-pleaser make for a perfectly wrong match. Ryan should have not been matched with any woman. How multiple experts didn’t catch that he was charming them is odd to me. Proof that knowledge is not wisdom.

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Diane Robertson June 18, 2015

Great insight! I am enjoying everyone’s thoughts, and learn something from everyone.

I agree that this season has left everyone emotionally injured.
They require professional counseling more now than ever!

I also think that perhaps – Just a suggestion – that if they continue, they shouldn’t match any men under 35, and women under 30 – Bear with me.

If they continue, they should skew older. 30s even 40s. I think that it may be a good show to see these more mature couples being matched. :0)

Another thing is that after Season 1, so many couples rushed to apply who MAY HAVE been a LITTLE more caught with being on TV than the original batch…Just maybe…But it was a larger pool, and probably folks who were not as willing commit as they may have thought or appeared.
Diane Robertson recently posted…Life Passages XI – The Fall OutMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Mmabatho,

I don’t like public proposals either for that exact reason. I’m sure the pressure to say yes makes many say yes who would opt to say no.

If Ryan and Jaclyn were going to give it a second chance, that decision would have been best made away from the cameras. Again, too much pressure. Ryan wants to go back to his mother’s basement and live in the safe zone. He won’t grow that way.

Davina and Sean were def a mismatch and so were Jess and Ryan. Nothing about those matches made sense to me especially D & S.

I’d be pissed off to have a divorce under my belt after a 6-week experiment. The participants in Season 1 were serious about being married. Jason and Cortney were very young yet to me they were the most mature couple in Season 1. Knowledge isnt’ wisdom and age doesn’t equal maturity.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Ladies, Don’t You EVER Freeze Your Eggs With Your FianceMy Profile

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Diane Robertson June 18, 2015

Yes Yvonne! Season 1 Couples were definitely more mature, and ready!

Well let’s hope something good comes out of this for all of them.

I mean, I would date Sean. Lol!
Diane Robertson recently posted…Life Passages XI – The Fall OutMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase June 18, 2015

@Diane,

LOL! Sean is harmless and seems like a great guy. Season 1 couples were serious. They all really wanted to be married which is why they made the choices they made.

There was no issue for Jamie to leave the city and head to New Jersey for a better life with Doug. They both did what was best for the marriage because they wanted to be married. That’s what you do when you want something. You make it happen!

Cortney and Jason’s maturity was very refreshing to watch. She exuded wife. She was so nurturing to him during the loss of his mother and even before meeting her. I don’t know what was up with Season 2 participants. Crazy!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Marriage Is All Or Nothing Not An ExperimentMy Profile

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Talent Hounds June 19, 2015

Very well said! It’s a commitment. Stopping by from the Friendship Friday hop, come say hi!

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