Bad Man – Good Site?
Earlier today while surfing the net, I ran across a story about a bad man on a “Good” Internet dating site. According to the NY Daily News,
Sean Patrick Banks, an unemployed 37-year-old from Del Mar, allegedly used the website ChristianMingle.com to meet a woman in November police say he forced to have sex while visiting her home.
Detectives have spent the past several months looking for the perpetrator, who allegedly called himself “Rylan Butterwood” and “Rylan Harbough” on the site, false names that gave police fits in trying to find the true culprit.
Banks was charged with two counts of sexual assault and one of residential burglary. He has posted a $500,000 bail and pleaded not guilty. Banks could spend 36 years to life in prison if convicted.
On its website, ChristianMingle is described as “an online community created specifically for Christian singles looking to meet other Christians, to make new friends or to find a life-long partner that shares similar values, traditions and beliefs.”
“ChristianMingle’s mission is to serve as the premier online community for singles looking to date, make meaningful connections and marry within the Christian faith. Our deepest desire is to see our members grow in their relationship with Christ while living out their spiritual journeys,” the website states.
A Stroke of Jesus
Just when we thought a stroke of Jesus had come along to save the world of Internet dating in this Catfish era, ChristianMingle turns out to be no different than the rest. Guess what, a Christian dating site doesn’t mean its filled with Christians. While I’ve used Internet dating quite a bit in the past, I myself, a Christian woman intentionally stays far away from Christian sites. Why? You would think I’d be the first one to sign up for a paid membership right?. Not!
One In the Same
Signing up to ChristianMingle is no different than signing up to Match, Plentyoffish or OK Cupid. They’re all one in the same with a different name. ChristianMingle doesn’t screen you to ensure you are a Christian. Anybody can sign up on any day of the week. How do I know you’re a Christian? Its assumed because of the name of the site and we all know what happens when we assume right?
Sincerely Looking for Love
As we can see from this story, there are perverts, cheaters, rapists, liars and anything else you can think of on ChristianMingle mixed up with a few good men and women who are sincerely looking for love. The same Internet dating rules apply to ChristianMingle. Unfortunately, “Naive Nancy” and “Gullible Gloria” drop their guard just because the site is called ChristianMingle. They believe every man is reading his Bible and praying first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. I’m not saying there aren’t good men on ChristianMingle but what I am saying is ChristianMingle is a great place for bad men to hide. Remember, just because he says he’s a Christian doesn’t mean he is.
Something to think about…
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P.S. You can read the entire Daily News story here.
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Before the days of the Internet, a real player made his name with his boys by getting that “good Christian” girl to succumb to his lustful snares and give him the one thing she promised to give her husband: her virginity. Christianmingle just made it easier and took the luster off the player’s prize. If that revelation comes as a shock, then I’ll pray for you and a spirit of discernment to fill you.
Truth be told, I was one of those players during my college days and for one semester I pretended to be that “great Christian” guy who had the purest of intentions until my true colors were revealed one night and thankfully she abruptly left before it went beyond heavy petting nd kissing. I say thankfully now because I’ve since matured and fully appreciate what she wanted to do, but at the time I was upset at my perceived failure.
Now that I’ve told on myself, let me offer some advice to both genuine Christian men and women about Christianmingle and dating sites in general. Don’t buy the superficial dressing or proclamations of faith and holiness. God gave you the ability to research and ask questions. Use that ability to confirm or deny your potential mate’s genuineness and pray, pray, pray for the spirit of discernment to reveal any signs of untruth, lies and deceit. Don’t let your need for companionship or physical satisfaction blind you to the truth of who that person is. Remember all the times heroes of the faith waited for God to keep His promises to them. Jacob waited 14 years for Rachel. Abraham waited a long time for the birth of Isaac. The one He has for you is worth the wait and in His time and way He will reveal them to you. Don’t rush it and don’t trust anyone or anything but Him to deliver it, not even Christianmingle.
Charles,
I’m amazed that people are still falling for the okie doke. ChristianMingle knew exactly what they were doing when they came up with a name and brand messaging for their site. Like you said, we need lots of discernment when dating.
Love this: Don’t let your need for companionship or physical satisfaction blind you to the truth of who that person is.
Just did an intense study on the story of Rachel and Jacob. Waiting is so worth it.
Thanks for another well thought out comment.