Single Men, Handle Your Overbearing Mother Before You Find A Wife

by Yvonne Chase on July 18, 2017

Meet The Parents
On last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, Rachel went home with the four remaining men to meet the parents and family. This post is about her meeting with Bryan’s family and his overbearing mother in Miami. Now if you’ve been reading my posts, Bryan is a chiropractor who has a strong connection with Rachel. The chemistry between them is explosive. From all angles, he’s the number one contender of the remaining men; Dean, Peter, and Eric.  

All Mothers Aren’t Nice
So they’re in Miami and they arrive at Bryan’s home. Bryan was very honest with Rachel about his last relationship that ended because of his mother. His ex-didn’t like his mother. Now, most people when they hear that, side with the mother forgetting all mothers aren’t nice especially when it comes to the women their sons’ date. Mothers have an attachment to their sons that is very different than the attachment/relationship they have with their daughters. 

overbearing
Keep Us Out Of Your Marriage
I have five brothers. My mother had a very different relationship with her sons than she did with her two daughters. When it came time for my brothers to marry, I never saw my mother act in any way close to Bryan’s mother. She followed my father’s lead who said, “Keep us out of your marriage.”

Busy Bodies In Their Children’s Marriages
Over the years, I can truly say my parents have let their children leave and cleave. They have not been busy bodies in their children’s marriages and they never put any of their kids in a position to choose between them and their spouse. 

No Woman Is Good Enough
Mothers can be overly protective of their sons and come from a place of no woman is good enough. When I heard about his ex and why his relationship ended, my first question was, is his mother a nice woman? I’d love to hear from his ex.

Since Day One
Okay, so Rachel met his mother who was crystal clear when she said, “When you marry, you marry the family. If he’s happy, then I’m happy otherwise, I’ll kill you.” Before that conversation, she let her know that Bryan is the most important person in her life. Something about that rubbed me the wrong way. She has other children and a husband. It’s not like it’s been solely him and her since day one. Watch the video below and we’ll talk after…

Put Her In Her Place
If I were Rachel, I’d put on my Nike’s and RUN! His mother has no boundaries with her son. Her neck and nose will always be in your marriage and then you, like his ex will not like his mother and the marriage will end. While his mother seemed nice enough last night, I can tell she has an overbearing spirit and Brian does not have the cajones to put her in her place. That’s a problem!

His Mother Won’t Leave Him Alone
The Bible is clear when it says in Genesis 2:24, “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” How can a man leave and cleave to his wife if his mother won’t leave him alone? It’s impossible! Based on what I saw last night, Bryan’s mother has no plans on leaving him alone. If Rachel marries Bryan, she will always be in competition with his mother for his affection and that will cause great tension in their marriage. 

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Overbearing Mother
The thought process that a wife is taking the husband away from the family when he marries is flawed and problematic. Bryan will lose out on a lot of great women and could possibly be alone for the rest of his life at the hands of his mother. No woman wants to put up with or deal with an overbearing mother. To you Christian mothers reading this, follow my 6 tips below if you don’t want your son to end up in Bryan’s shoes:

  1. Raise your son in the fear of the Lord.
  2. Teach him what he needs to be a great man and an amazing husband.
  3. Support his efforts to find a wife. Let him know you want that for him.
  4. Live your own life with your husband if you’re married or solo with the other people in your life if a husband is not around.
  5. Let his future wife know you intend to let him leave and cleave. Make sure she knows you will not be an intrusion.
  6. Cut the umbilical chord and stay out of their lives once he says, I do.”

Something to think about…

What say you? Are you raising your sons to leave and cleave? Do we marry the family when we marry? Any other advice for mothers or sons?

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Miriam July 18, 2017

For persons in Rachel and Bryan’s situation, I suggest a serious period of prayer to find out if this is God’s will for them and if it is, then for Bryan’s mother to change for the better and let Bryan leave and cleave to his wife.
Miriam recently posted…Book: Rules of RelaxationMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase July 19, 2017

@Miriam,

Wonderful words of wisdom. A serious period of prayer to know Gods will is best. It might not be Gods will.

I love the prayer for Bryan’s mother to change for the better and let him leave and cleave.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Dysfunction, Family Matters, And The BacheloretteMy Profile

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bethany mcilrath July 19, 2017

Wow, I don’t keep up with shows like the Bachelorette but it sounds like a good case study in sociology and relational dynamics!

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Yvonne Chase July 19, 2017

@Bethany,

I find it to be an EXCELLENT study in relational dynamics. I learn so much and observe so much about human relations each week when I tune in.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…7 Ways To Be Comfortable In Your Skin Before You MarryMy Profile

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Sandy July 19, 2017

This is a great post! I am so blessed to have a mother in law who is wonderful and knows boundaries. I do have a son, though, and will keep these reminders close to my heart!

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Yvonne Chase July 19, 2017

@Sandy,

You are blessed. If you haven’t done something nice for your MIL lately, you should take her out to dinner or buy her a special treat for being so wonderful and knowing boundaries. Many wives would love to be in your shoes yet they want to hit their MIL with a shoe (smiles) because she has no boundaries.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Rachel Lindsay Knows How To Date And You Should Follow Her LeadMy Profile

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Char July 19, 2017

Lots of food for thought! My son just married a couple months ago. I do give him LOTS of distance. I remember that I did not raise him for me but for God. Thanks for linking up!
Char recently posted…About Your Loyalties….My Profile

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Yvonne Chase July 19, 2017

@Char,

Oh, how I wished more parents know what you know; you did not raise your son for you, you raised him for God. I know my life would’ve been so different if my parents knew this.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…25 Things You Didn’t Know About MeMy Profile

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Crystal Green July 22, 2017

This is WONDERFUL advice. I have been dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law for over 10 years. It kept me from marrying my husband went I was 18. However, when push comes to shove my husband always chooses me and stands beside me. I just have daily drama all the time due to her.
Crystal Green recently posted…Gain More Time in Your Day With These Little WaysMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase July 23, 2017

@Crystal,

I’m sorry this has been your experience for 10 long years. Thankfully, your husband chooses you and stands by you. Some husbands don’t have the courage. Count your blessings on that then ask God to give you the wisdom to deal with your MIL.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Time For A Check Up; Six Months Down And Six Months To GoMy Profile

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Carol ("Mimi") July 24, 2017

Thank you for linking up at The Blogger’s Pit Stop Link Party. I’m sharing your link on social media.
Carol (“Mimi”) from Home with Mimi
Carol (“Mimi”) recently posted…Metacognitive Journaling for Life-Long Learning (with Free Printable Journal Page)My Profile

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