Peanut Butter And Jelly Are The Key Ingredients To Lasting Love

by Yvonne Chase on September 15, 2017

Marry The Wrong Woman
I had a revelation the other day. Actually, I’ve had this revelation for a while. Here’s the revelation, most Christian men will marry the wrong woman. Want to know why? Because the woman God has for you will be as different and the opposite of you as peanut butter is to jelly.

Eve Was The Answer
In the beginning back in Genesis 2:18, “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. “I will make him a helper fit for him” Eve was the answer to Adams need. Let’s define the word helper.

An Ideal Person
Contrary to what many believe, a helper is not subservient or beneath. A helper comes alongside us. Like Jesus is my helper. He’s definitely not beneath me. A helper is someone with great skill. An ideal person for you. The Holy Spirit is our Helper and the person of the Holy Spirit’s role in our lives is to lead us into all truth.

The Opposite Of Him
The key word in this verse is fit. Some translations say suitable. Either way, the meaning is the same. In Hebrew, fit means according to the opposite of him. Eve was an appropriate match for Adam because she was complementary to his life.

peanut
Just Like Us
The woman sent to help you will probably be the complete opposite of you. Because she’s the opposite of you, you will think she’s totally wrong for you. Somehow, we think we’re supposed to date and marry someone just like us. How does that make sense?

Two Different Worlds
I recall a conversation I had with an ex who said, “We see the world differently” as a reason we shouldn’t be together. My response was, of course, we do. You didn’t come out of my mother’s womb and I didn’t come out of yours. Your name is X and my name is Yvonne. You were born here, I was born there. We come from two different worlds, two different lifestyles, backgrounds, and experiences. Of course, we see the world differently.

Opposite To Me
We’ve also been lead to believe that compatibility means sameness. Guess what, I don’t have to be the same as you to get along with you. As I reflect on my life and the people in it, many of the ones I have the best time with are completely different and opposite to me.

Complete Opposite
In the space of romantic relationships, we need to be compatible in key areas like values and beliefs; the areas that shape our lives yet we can be totally different from each other and create a great relationship. I’m not looking to date and marry someone just like me. Ashley, the wife of one of the couples in the Black Love docu-series was set on marrying a man just like her. Here’s what she says about marrying her complete opposite:

I was set on marrying a black man that burned incense and listened to Lauryn Hill and Dwele in late hours of the night like myself. Instead Chea came into my life with every topical difference possible. He had no idea who half of my favorite artist were, but he was always open to learn. I’m from the inner city and he is from the inner country and we couldn’t have been more different. However our souls have always been aligned and that is what spoke to our hearts when we met. Even though we were different, we’ve always shared the same values, wants and desires for our lives and our daughter. 

Different Than Me
And that’s what it’s about; sharing the same values, wants and desires for our lives. If I date and marry someone who is just like me, how will I become the woman God created me to be? What will I learn? How will I grow? How will I become a better woman? I want someone who is different than me. Someone who can teach me something new, introduce me to new places and things, open me up to new ways of being and thinking; suggest something different than what I’m used to.

peanut
Benefit And Beauty
We’ve all heard the saying opposites attract then they attack, however, they only attack when we’re stuck on sameness and we don’t see the benefit and beauty of being with someone who is different than us and opposite to us.

Make Them Wrong
When someone is different than us, especially if that someone is the person closest to us, we tend to judge, attack, and make them wrong for being different when their different way of being is exactly what we need.

Stuck On Sameness
The ex I mentioned up top accused me of being non-supportive of him when nothing was further from the truth. I was his biggest cheerleader. Of course, he didn’t see that because, like many, he was stuck on sameness. We were very different from each other, however, those differences were exactly what I needed and he needed. God always gives us what we need. If we’re not careful, we will screw it all the way up when we’re stuck on sameness. 

Peanut Butter And Jelly
As I thought about opposites in relationships, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich came to mind. Peanut butter and jelly go together so well because they are opposites. The texture of jelly is light and smooth while the texture of peanut butter is dense, thick and dry which makes it stick to the roof of your mouth. Also, jelly is sweet while peanut butter is nutty and salty. They go together so well because when salt and sweet come together, it’s magic. 

peanut

 

Celebrate The Differences
So, here’s the conclusion of the matter, your helper will probably be the opposite of you and she will most likely be very different than you. Her differences are what make her suitable for you. Instead of trying to change her and make her just like you, ask God for wisdom to celebrate the differences and the skill to make the differences work for your relationship.

Something to think about…

What say you? Why do we look for someone just like us to date and marry? How different are you and your spouse? Did you understand the differences or did you make a mess of it? Why do peanut butter and jelly go so well together?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post even if you don’t like it…someone else just might like it and need it

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Char September 16, 2017

Yvonne – You are so right!! We look for people that are just like we are and yet, we need mates that are different – to balance us out. I look in my own marriage and see where we have the same traits (that are weaknesses) we are not helpful to each other. The differences make us better people. Thanks for sharing!

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Yvonne Chase September 16, 2017

@Char,

Much of that has to do with immaturity and not understanding relationships and Gods plan for putting us together. There also seems to be a level of arrogance that says my way is best and your way is wrong, therefore, I can’t learn from you. Foolish!

Differences definitely make us better people. Wisdom and skill are required to celebrate and navigate.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Married People Should Not Take Advice From Unmarried PeopleMy Profile

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Becky Hastings September 18, 2017

There is so much value to this discussion of complimenting one another. It is not the opposite nature as much as it is how our differences fit together. If we have different pieces that don’t work together, we won’t work. The balance between differences, complimentary traits, and similarities is the balance we all need in a marriage.
Becky Hastings recently posted…Finding Hope in the Broken PlacesMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase September 18, 2017

@Becky,

Well, I’m using the word opposite and different interchangeably in this post. My parents, for example, shared the same faith, family values, and views around finance, however, they were totally different and opposite in personality and ways of being.

My mother was a gregarious social butterfly who could talk to anyone at any time about anything. She was fearless and completely unafraid of anything and anyone. She’d go anywhere even if she was unsure of how to get there.

My dad, on the other hand, is the tooooootal opposite, yet, they lived their vows till death did them part on 9/1/16 when my mother died. Watching them throughout my life showed me clearly why they were perfectly matched in spite of their differences.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Married People Should Not Take Advice From Unmarried PeopleMy Profile

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Theresa Boedeker September 18, 2017

Yvonne,
Love this. This is my thoughts exactly. When I married my husband I actually thought we were so alike. That was because we shared the same beliefs and morals goals. But our personalities and backgrounds and interests are so different. And it has been so good. We balance each other out. We learn from each other.
Imagine two people exactly alike marrying each others. It would be pretty boring. Always the same vacation, food, music. No give some variety and difference. ~ Theresa
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Yvonne Chase September 18, 2017

@Theresa,

And that’s what I’ve heard from many who are different and opposite than their spouse; “We balance each other out. We learn so much from each other.” Differences add variety.
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Connie September 18, 2017

I love this I too thought when I got married we were exactly the same hahah, couldn’t be further from the truth. It dose give us both a lot of variety.
Thanks so much for sharing at LMML
have a great day
Connie

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Yvonne Chase September 18, 2017

@Connie,

Variety is the spice of life…
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Aimee Kollmansberger September 19, 2017

My husband and I are VERY different and it’s been wonderfully hard and helpful.
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Tami Qualls September 23, 2017

Your comparison of pb&j to relationships couldn’t be any closer to the truth. I love it!

Thanks for linking up to Literacy Musing Mondays this week.

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Yvonne Chase September 24, 2017

@Tami,

Today, I listened to a sermon by Pastor John Hagee about resurrecting a dead marriage. He said, a major cause of friction in marriage is not understanding and accepting each other’s differences. He acknowledged that men and women are very different than each other and God made no mistake when he made us different and created us for each other. I agree.

He referenced 1 Peter 3:7 which admonishes husbands to dwell with their wives in understanding….so that his prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.
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