5 Ways The Church Can Prepare Single Men To Be Excellent Husbands

by Yvonne Chase on November 6, 2017

Prepare Men To Be Husbands
I saw a post on Instagram that said, “If only the church would prepare men to be husbands as much as they strive to prepare women to be wives” and then this post came to mind. The author is correct! Churches and people as a whole do the most to prepare women to be wives yet there is zero preparation of men to be husbands.

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Prepared To Be Wives
I’ve seen Single Wives Clubs, Wives In Waiting and a host of other groups on social media yet I’ve never seen a Single Husbands Club or a Husbands In Waiting group. Many women I know are prepared to be wives. We don’t need another book, course or workshop yet I can’t say the same for men. Below are 5 ways God dropped in my spirit:

I.  Develop his character
Teach him to be a 1 Timothy 3 man and a Titus 1 man. Women are beaten over the head constantly to develop the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman yet where are the verses for men? Well, here you go. 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 list 25 qualities that are the foundation of excellent character:

1.Be above reproach; his work for the church, as well as his interactions with others, are to be of such moral quality that he does not bring shame or in any way disgrace the body of Christ or the name of Jesus. This holds true not only within the church but outside it as well. 

2. Husband of one wife (for single men this means you are a one-woman man, not a man whore)

3. Temperate

4. Prudent

5. Respectable

6. Hospitable

7. Able to teach

8. Not addicted to wine

9. Not Pugnacious; belligerent, combative, quarrelsome

10. Gentle

11. Peaceable

12. Free from the love of money

13. Manages his household well

14. Not a new convert

15. Has a good reputation with those outside the church

16. Not accused of dissipation; squandering money, energy, or resources

17. Not rebellious

18. Not Self-willed; arrogant

19. Not Quick Tempered

20. Loves what is good

21. Sensible

22. Just

23. Devout

24. Self Controlled

25. Holds fast to the Word of God

Woah! In the words of En Vogue, “What a man, What a man, What a man, what a mighty good man!” Imagine how different relationships and marriages would be if single men focused on those two verses.

II.  Provide mentors. Pair him with a married man of God who can inspire him in his relationship with God and model how a godly husband loves his wife. This is one of the things my brother advised me to do in preparation for marriage. He told me to find an older married woman who could teach me in the ways I should go and not go. That woman was my mother who was married to my father (that’s him in the picture below) for over 50 years before she went home to glory. Because of her guidance, I go to bed a wife and I wake up a wife. There have also been other older women in my life from whom I glean wisdom. A man needs the same type of mentorship to prepare him for marriage that’s directed at women in Titus 2:3-5 (Amplified)

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III.  Teach him leadership. Men are called to lead, to step up, to take charge, to take initiative. According to the Bible, the man is to be the spiritual leader of his household just like my father was and is of his. I know a lot of women who are the spiritual leaders of their homes and marriages because men are sorely lacking in this area. I need a leader in my home and I don’t want it to be me. One of the things my father did right was leading our home spiritually. I have vivid memories of him leading nightly family devotions at home where we read the word out loud and recited Bible verses. In addition, I have fond memories of he and my mother sitting at the table studying the word together under his leadership. That solid foundation is the primary reason I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and I’m serving him today.

IV.  Send him to therapy. He has more issues than Vogue that need prayer plus professional insight. He’s bruised and broken. He’s divorced and not healed. His childhood was traumatic. His parents divorced when he was young. He never knew his dad. Instead of dealing with his wounds, he throws himself further into his career, sex, dating around and acquiring material things that will never heal his heart. Wounded men hurt women and destroy relationships. Women go to therapy and get counseling. We read books and seek help. Men don’t; especially black men. There’s a stigma attached to seeking help in my community that’s crippling our men and families overall. It takes 1 Whole Person + 1 Whole Person to make 1 Whole Union. We need more whole men. A good dose of therapy/counseling sets him on the path to wholeness.

V.  Encourage him to pursue. On a recent episode of The Wendy Williams Show, a beautiful woman got up during the Ask Wendy segment to ask what she should do about a fine gentleman at her church. She finds him attractive and has reason to think he finds her attractive too, however, she’s not sure even after stepping up and introducing herself. She thought there would be follow-through from him after she took that bold step, however, there was none. Wendy’s response was, “He’s not into you.” I don’t know the lady who asked the question nor the guy in question, however, here’s what I do know, Christian men are weird when it comes to the opposite sex at church. We’ve made it awkward for him to approach her after service and ask her to brunch or to walk over to introduce himself and ask for her phone number, yet, before he was in the church, he picked up women and collected numbers left and right. It’s his responsibility to take the lead and pursue. Make sure he knows this and encourage him to do so. How else is she supposed to be found

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Take The Lead
While the church has it’s role to play in preparing men to be excellent husbands, I believe the preparation starts at home. Parents need to take the lead. Being a husband is about so much more than having a good job and providing financially for your family. Unfortunately, that’s the beginning and the end of the preparation for most men. 

Something to think about…

What say you? How else can the church prepare men to be excellent husbands? What else would you add to the list? How are you preparing your son to be an excellent husband? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post if you like it

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Meghan Weyerbacher November 8, 2017

Wow, this is packed! You are right though, many places do have a lot for women to learn. I do know of some locally that have stepped up and are mentoring men better. We went to one that had a weekly men’s breakfast, among other groups they could join. And sometimes I think they are available but we can’t “make” them go. There has to be a change of heart, a desire to want to learn and grow. This is familiar territory to me, and I have to hand it over to God or I will go back to my old ways of fighting for control. Thank you for sharing this today! I was your neighbor over at Holley’s. God bless!

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Yvonne Chase November 8, 2017

@Meghan,

You nailed it; we can’t make them go. They have to see the importance of it all. There must be a change of heart, a desire to want to learn, grow, and become his best self before marriage.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…5 Verses That Cause Me To Thrive In My Single LifeMy Profile

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Robin November 10, 2017

You have created a list a rather complete list! As a mom of three adult sons, I believe it is so important to raise our sons to respect women. I once read, communicate to your sons and the men in your life to treat women as you desire your mother and sister(s) to be treated. I believe it is critical today to raise young men to not only respect themselves but those God has placed in their life. My husband and I continue to share these words with our sons. Thank you for sharing.

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Yvonne Chase November 10, 2017

@Robin,

We need more mothers like you who make it a priority to raise your sons to respect women. It is my belief that a man is whoever his mother makes him. You have a huge responsibility and I’m glad you are taking it seriously. God bless you and your husband as you train up your sons in the way they should go.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Cheap Sex, Blow Up Dolls, And The Decline Of MarriageMy Profile

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