Reconciling And Forgiveness Don’t Always Go Together

by Yvonne Chase on January 31, 2016

Do You Take Him Back?
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a video about Marrika Maria and Kyle Norman who are reconciling after an abusive moment in their relationship.  After watching their story, I posed the following scenario to Twitter, “Your husband beat you senseless. Knock you upside your head and left a golf size knot on your head plus gave you a black eye. Do you take him back?”  

She Had Time To RUN!
Here’s what I didn’t know when I sent that tweet, he wasn’t her husband at the time.  He was her fiance which means she had time to put on her Nikes and RUN! Today on Instagram, I read a powerful quote that made me think about Marrika and Kyle; “God is always showing us signs. Sometimes we simply choose to overlook them because they are not in line with our hearts desires.” Watch their story below and we’ll talk after…

Four Months Is Not Enough Time
God gave her a sign to walk away and she totally overlooked it because it was not in line with her heart’s desire to marry Kyle which she did four months after that abusive night.  Four months is not enough time to see a change in his behavior.  When did they have time for counseling? When did he have time to get the intense amount of counseling he will need to ensure he never does that again?

Trust Must Be Restored
I like what Dr.Timothy Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church says about forgiveness; “I forgive you” does not mean “I trust you.” Forgiveness means a willingness to try to reestablish trust, but that reestablishment is always a process. The speed and degree of this restoration entail the re-creation of trust, and that takes time, depending on the nature and severity of the offenses involved. Until a person shows evidence of true change, we should not trust him or her. To immediately give one’s trust to a person with sinful habits could actually be enabling him to sin. Trust must be restored, and the speed at which this occurs depends on the behavior.”

reconciling
Stay In A Bad Situation
Unfortunately, Marrika is using her faith in God and the word of God to stay in a bad situation. Yes, you believe God and forgive, however, nowhere in the Bible does it command you to stay in a situation that could eventually cost you your life.  Here are some verses on this hot topic:

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Colossians 3:13 NIV  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Matthew 18: 21-22 NIV  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

reconciling
Far From Perfect
Reconciling is not always in the cards when a relationship goes south. Some people think you haven’t forgiven if you haven’t reconciled. That’s not true.  Marrika strikes me as one of the people who believes this lie.  Reconciling and forgiveness go hand in hand in a perfect world but the world we live in is far from perfect.  

Reconciling Can Take A Whole Lot Of Time
Depending on the offense, reconciling can take a whole lot of time before it ever happens if it happens at all.  I’d completely understand Marrika if she never reconciled with Kyle as a matter of fact, I’d advise her not to.  I can’t get past him shoving her engagement ring down her throat then making her swallow it.  All bets are off when you do something so heinous and vile. 

When you truly love yourself, you take crap from no one.  Rev Run

Something to think about…

What say you? What do you think of Marrika’s decision to stay? How would you advise Marrika? Do you think this was the first time? Do you think Kyle will abuse her again?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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