Repair The Tear In Your Relationships With A Sincere Apology

by Yvonne Chase on November 20, 2017

Save Me A Lot Of Money
One of the many skills my mother had when she was alive was sewing. She made the majority of my and my sibling’s clothes when I was young. Even into adulthood, she’d alter a garment, repair a zipper, adjust buttons and hooks and basically save me a lot of money on tailoring.

Repair It From The Inside
One day I took a pair of red slacks to her for repair. They were my favorite pair of slacks that I had worn out in the inner thigh seam. She said to me, I can’t just reattach it to the seam. Because it’s so worn and torn, I have to add a piece of sturdier fabric on the inside to repair it before doing anything to the outside. If I don’t do this step, the pant will be no good because the repair on the outside will not hold up without repairing it from the inside first.

It Was A Miracle
What my mother did with those red slacks was genius. Because of the way she repaired them from the inside out, I was able to wear them for many more years. You see, I tried and failed many times on my own to simply stitch it from the outside and it always tore away from the seam and made it worst. It was a miracle she was even able to repair them.

Put Up A Good Front
All of this came to mind today as I thought about broken relationships. Thanksgiving is in three days. For many, it’s a time of trepidation. Some of us have to make the hard choice of whether we want to make our own plans or show up to the family dinner just to save face and put up a good front. Many families are broken and continue to be broken because the necessary repairs from the inside have never been done.  repair
Apologies Heal
Today, I received an email from Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages titled Time Doesn’t Heal. Many of us believe the lie time heals all wounds when it actually doesn’t. Here’s what he says:

“In a perfect world, no one would need to apologize. But in the real world apologies are a necessity. The first step is admitting that you need to apologize. “I owe you an apology,” is a good beginning. Then, express your apology, and admit that your behavior was wrong. Ask him or her to forgive you. When you sincerely apologize, you will most likely receive forgiveness. When you fail to apologize, you leave an emotional barrier between you and the other person. When is the last time you apologized to your spouse? Your child? If it’s been more than a week, you probably need to say, “I owe you an apology.” Time doesn’t heal wounds; apologies do.”

He Was Still Upset
Exactly! Over the weekend, I got together with a close friend. We talked about an incident that happened between us a while back that apparently still bothers him because it came up in a big way during our time together. I had no idea he was still upset.

Revealed Myself To Me
As I was on my way home after our great day together, I thought about it and realized I owe him an apology. Actually, the Holy Spirit nudged me and revealed myself to me. We spoke once I made it home and I apologized sincerely without rationalizing any part of my actions. The more we rationalize our bad behavior, the weaker and meaningless the apology.

Just Apologize
Don’t you hate that? The one time someone does apologize to you because it’s rare to receive an apology or even offer one, they mess it up by explaining away why they did what they did. None of that matters! Just apologize and be done with it.

The Slate Is Clean
Thankfully, he accepted my apology, and then we had a conversation about the root of his upset which points back to him. He had to own that piece of it and apologize to me. Of course, I accepted his sincere apology and the slate is clean between us regarding that matter. He’s good and so am I. repair
Admit Your Behavior Was Wrong
No matter how many apologies we offer, the true marker of a sincere apology is a change in behavior. Saying I’m sorry is not enough. The most important part of an apology as Gary says is admitting your behavior was wrong and I’d like to add, then vowing not to do it again. No sense in apologizing if the bad behavior continues or you participate in carrying out the bad behavior that you say you’re sorry for. So who do you need to offer an apology to before Thanksgiving? Don’t let the tare in your relationships get to the point of my slacks that needed a miracle to repair. Watch the video below for a few tips on how to apologize:

Something to think about…

What say you? Is it difficult to say, “I owe you an apology?” Why? Why not? To whom do you owe an apology? Do you believe time heals all wounds? 

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

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Repair the tear in your relationships with a sincere apology 

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Debbie Putman November 21, 2017

I’ve been married almost 41 years and I promise a sincere apology helps keep the relationship strong.

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Yvonne Chase November 21, 2017

@Debbie,

When I apologized to my friend over the weekend, that sincere apology added a layer of strength to our friendship. We can never go wrong when we apologize sincerely.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Cuddling And Hugs Are For Single People TooMy Profile

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Michele Morin November 21, 2017

Yes, a sincere apology without self-justification goes a long way toward mending a breach. I smiled over your mum’s mending job because my grown up kids still bring their pants home for major repairs.
Michele Morin recently posted…When God Says “Yes”My Profile

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Yvonne Chase November 21, 2017

@Michele,

So you definitely understand how important it is to mend it and repair the garment the right way if we want it to last, no different than a relationship.

And yes, self-justification ruins an apology every single time.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…5 Ways The Church Can Prepare Single Men To Be Excellent HusbandsMy Profile

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Lisa notes November 24, 2017

This is such an important topic. A well-formed and meaningful apology can totally transform a relationship. Thanks for sharing what you had to do–and the humility it took to do it. May we all do likewise!
Lisa notes recently posted…Can You Meet the Expectation? – Review of “The Four Tendencies”My Profile

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Yvonne Chase November 24, 2017

@Lisa,

Because I care deeply about my friend, it was easy to apologize plus when the Holy Spirit urges me to do something, my life is a lot easier when I obey. Caring + Obedience + Humility are definitely the way to go.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Cuddling And Hugs Are For Single People TooMy Profile

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Donna Reidland November 24, 2017

Yvonne, such an important topic! Apologizing isn’t usually easy. It feels so much better to justify why we did what we did. And we undo it when we add that little word “but.” But you … But I was just tired … joking … hurt … Thanks for a great explanation of why seeking forgiveness is so important. Hope your Thanksgiving was blessed and you have a restful weekend.
Donna Reidland recently posted…“Bad Company: Friends & Politics” November 24My Profile

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Yvonne Chase November 24, 2017

@Donna,

Apologizing definitely isn’t easy and you’re right, it sure does feel so much better to justify why we did what we did. Funny thing here; I used to get mad at my friend (the one I apologized to) everytime he apologized to me because he’d always mess it up by justifying. We had a long talk about that when I apologized. That one apology opened the door to communication
Yvonne Chase recently posted…5 Ways The Church Can Prepare Single Men To Be Excellent HusbandsMy Profile

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Sandy November 24, 2017

Thanks for this truth! I have a friend that is great at apologizing and our friendship is a great, strong relationship. Sometimes even if ways change in relationships without a true apology things never get better. There is so much truth in your post. Thanks!

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Yvonne Chase November 24, 2017

@Sandy,

You have a great friend. Hold on to that friendship. I want to be that kind of friend. You’re so right; things never get better without a true apology.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…4 Ways To Overcome Sexual Sin Once And For AllMy Profile

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Debbie November 27, 2017

Apologies never go astray and say a lot about a person. Thanks for sharing this with s at the Blogger’s Pit Stop. I’ve pinned it to our group board. Debbie at Deb’s World
Debbie recently posted…6:06 – Week 19 of 52 week photography projectMy Profile

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Tami December 10, 2017

Apologizing can be hard but is vital to restoring a relationship. Thanks for sharing via Literacy Musing Mondays.
Tami recently posted…The Aviator Owls and Mina’s GardenMy Profile

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