Its About Time
Where do I begin? At the beginning I guess…OK, over the weekend, on New Years Eve to be exact, LeBron James proposed to his baby mama Savannah of ten years. While everyone on Twitter was excited, my reaction was, “well its about time.” P.S. when I Googled “He finally proposed, that picture to the left popped up. Back to the story…
Shut Your Mouth
Last night I watched the continuing saga between Jim Jones and Chrissy on Love & Hip Hop where he finally proposed and gave her what I like to call a “Shut your mouth ring.” Again, everyone was happy about the proposal but I thought it was quite pathetic. I remember thinking to myself while watching, “I never want to be on the receiving end of that kind of proposal.” Popping the question in that moment doesn’t make him ready for marriage. Watch the video and we’ll talk after…
Get More: Love And Hip Hop
BIG Mistake – HUGE!
Chrissy and Jim had been together seven years and last season she made the BIG mistake of proposing to him. Dear Single Ladies, if you never listen to another word I say, listen to me when I say this; don’t you ever propose to a man – EVER! I don’t care if times have changed and we’re living in a new day; principles have not. Men propose to women – period. If he hasn’t proposed, he’s not ready to be married and if you’re living with him and giving away all of the benefits that come with marriage, don’t be surprised if he drags his feet.
Ride or Die
What’s up with black women being the ride or die chick as Chrissy mentioned in a previous episode? According to her, “I’ve been riding with Jim for seven years. That seems to be the mantra of too many black women…I stuck with you through thick and thin. You know how the story goes all too well and quite frankly I’m sick of it. Ladies, the only man you ride or die with is your husband till death do you part.
The Waiting Game
Instead of waiting seven and ten years for him to finally propose after you’ve made it easy for him not too, how about dating a man who is ready from the gate. There are men out there who are ready to meet you, greet you, get to know you and marry you in a timely fashion however, you won’t meet him if you keep hanging on to someone who isn’t. Cue Tyrese…Stay!
Listen up single ladies, here’s what I want you to do in 2012 to avoid being Chrissy or Savannah:
- Know what you want before you step out on a date. What are you ready for? Are you seeking commitment or are you dating around meeting men to see what’s out there? If you want to be married, then only date a marriage minded man.
- Spend some time thinking about your non-negotiables. Ask yourself this question as you put together your list; if I were to meet the perfect guy today and X were missing, would a relationship work between us? If the answer is no, it’s a non-negotiable. Here’s an example for you, if you met the perfect guy and he didn’t share your faith, would a relationship work between you? If shared faith is important to you, the answer is no. If its not, the answer could be maybe depending on your combined list of non-negotiables.
- Understand what a date is and how to date. A date is an opportunity for two people to meet and explore what’s there. If you navigate a date correctly, you can find out everything you need to find out within the first three dates – the first date if you’re really good. Several years ago I went on the best date of my life with a gentleman named Steve. Steve knew exactly what he wanted (a wife) therefore, he steered the conversation in that direction. By the end of our date, we knew we were not a match because our faith is non-negotiable. He called the next day to apologize for being so deep in forward on the first date but I thanked him instead. We were both able to move on without wasting each others time even though the attraction was there along with other key ingredients.
- Stop having babies out of wedlock. In last nights episode, we saw Kimbella and Yandy talk about the effects of their absent fathers and how its wreaked havoc on their relationships. Ladies, YOU can put an end to this today. Nuff said.
Invest Wisely
Here’s the conclusion of the whole matter, there is no need to give a man more than 1 year of your life if you are serious about getting married. In addition, the man for you will want to marry you and he will do so enthusiastically without any coercion on your part. Always remember this, time is your most valuable asset. You never get it back therefore its wise to invest it wisely.
Something to think about…
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Well put and much needed for some women. Sadly, I don’t think a lot of women who need to hear it will heed it. I think about Sweetie Pie’s and Jenae’s “round table” of advisors. Too many women romanticize “hanging in there” no matter what and other women encourage them in that nonsense.
I’ve always been fascinated by how persistent some women are in trying to convince men to propose. I have maintained all of my adult life that I would not drag some man down the aisle. It did not make sense at all to me. A man would need to come to me enthusiastically and on his own. I will not have to convince the right man to propose to me or to marry me after the proposal.
As for being a “ride or die” chick…..no thanks.
I am well past the chick stage and “ride or die” sounds like way too much stress and work.
Keep being a vessel of productive information. There is a real need for another view.
Well its so great to see someone put it out on the line so plain and simple. To many times we sit and settle. I so used to be that person. I will admit I do have 2 children out of wedlock (same father) but that was 12 years ago…since then I vowed to not have any more children that way. he was abusive so I had to go any way!
Then came just wanting to be loved stages (this was my young and dumb stage of life) but I never got any love from it just me talking to myself like wth are you doing. So I said you know what Mel you want a man that is ready to marry you not with all of the games. Religion is major to me! You don’t have to be a bible thumping but we need to be on the same page and practice the same faith. That is why others had to go as well.
See the thing is as I think back my mother used to say hunni, marry a doctor or a lawyer. but what about real love mama??? It was always dont get pregnant- I finished HS, had a good job, my own place-but what about real love mama?? I feel like too many time we spend time on telling our children what not to do that we dont spend enough time telling them what to look/stand for.
Moving on…..I found a guy who is on the same page. when we talked his convo was deep but on the same level as mine. He wanted what I wanted, he had goals, and speaks of love daily…not just I love you but what he love, and why, and breaks it all down not those vague answers ie: because I just do. Nahhh I get the deep stuff the type of response that he has sat and thought about it type. So no ladies-wait for that right one….if you propose to him that means your begging for something that really isnt there just yet or at all.
Oh well I could go on and on but….lol im gonna stop here!
THIS: Too many time we spend time on telling our children what not to do that we don’t spend enough time telling them what to look/stand for.
Thanks for sharing Ms. Positivity.
{ 2 trackbacks }