Seven Year Switch Is Not The Way To Save Your Marriage

by Yvonne Chase on July 9, 2015

Seven Year Itch
We’ve all heard the quote”Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” That’s the hope of the experts in the new TV show/social experiment Seven Year Switch where four couples switch spouses in an effort to save their marriage. “Out of sight out of mind” is also a possibility.  According to the experts Dr. Dan Shapiro and Dr. Jessica Griffin, “Seven year itch refers to the time in our marriage where the shine has fallen off. We have a lot more complaints about our partner and the marriage than we do positive things to say about it. It’s a time in which many couples stray or separate. Unfortunately, no matter how hard they try, over 50% of couples end up divorced. Maybe it’s time for a different approach.

Biggest Decision Of Their Lives
After being apart for two weeks, the couples will be reunited with their real spouses and they’ll decide whether they want to part ways for good or stay together forever. This experiment is not about matching people with folks they’re gonna fall in love with. It’s about helping them figure out how to make changes in their real marriage so they can make one of the biggest decisions of their lives. We think this concept of Switch Therapy, as radical sounding as it is, just may be a new approach to saving marriages.” I think not!

Man Child And Overachiever
Eric and Danielle have been married 1 1/2 years and they’ve known each other over six years. He’s the man-child and she is the overachiever. He needs to step it up not only as  man but as a husband.  Danielle is structured. Eric is a free-spirit.  Danielle will be switched with a husband (CW) who is more mature and structured in his own life.  Eric will be switched with a laid back wife (Rachel) who knows how to let go and have more fun.

seven
Playboy And Housewife
Houston and Aleshia have been together seven years and married 8 months.  He’s a playboy.  She’s a housewife.  Work is his priority.  He works a full time job during the day and deejays at night.  Aleshia wants more time with her husband.  She wants to be his number one priority.  Aleshia says divorce is definitely an option if things don’t change for the better after the experiment.  Houston will be switched with a wife (Leah) who is independent and appreciates all that he brings to the relationship. Aleshia will be switched with a husband (Neal) who is considerate and attentive.  Aleshia is afraid that something inappropriate will happen once they pair up with someone else.
  seven
Corporate Guy And Artist
CW & Rachel have been together 4 1/2 years and married 3 years.  He’s a corporate guy.  She’s a voice over talent and music/songwriting artist.  He works to pay the bills while she pursues her artistry.  She wonders what it would be like if she’d married someone else.  He’s a workaholic and that’s too much for her.  The experts have agreed to match Rachel with someone (Eric) who’s playful, fun and has the time to give her the attention she needs.  CW will be paired with a spouse (Danielle) who appreciates his drive and who’s more outspoken with her emotions.
  seven
Sleeping Separately And Living Separate Lives
Neal and Leah have been married 7 years.  In the beginning, they did everything together.  Three years into the marriage, Neal wasn’t as physically attracted to Leah. In addition, he lost his job and that caused even more problems.  Neal and Leah are sleeping separately and living separate lives.  She stepped out on him with an ex and had a sexual relationship.  Neal will be paired with a partner (Aleshia) who respects and appreciates him and Leah will be paired with a partner (Houston) who won’t judge her for her past and who can help her have a little bit of fun and challenge her in some ways.
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Watch a snippet below and we’ll talk after…
 

Water Your Own Grass
The experts say, “This experiment is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get paired with a life they may have really wondered about.”  Guess what people, once you are married, it’s an exercise in utter futility to wonder about the life you could’ve had with someone else.  You didn’t marry someone else. You married your spouse. Deal with it! And even if you did marry someone else, that someone else is coming with a host of problems.  The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is green where it’s watered. Water your own grass! Ain’t no way in the world I would ever sign up for this! I wouldn’t send my husband off to be with another woman. How would that fix my marriage if I were married? He still has to come back home to me and we still have to work it out.  I don’t want him coming back with memories of another woman! Neal said it best, “It doesn’t feel right to work on your relationship without your wife next to you.” Nothing should feel right about it!

Something to think about…

What say you? Have you ever heard of Switch Therapy? Would you switch spouses to save your marriage? What do you think about this social experiment?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Mmabatho J. Seete (@MmabathoSisJ) July 9, 2015

I can’t watch the show as it is yet to air in Canada and is yet to be available online. Your piece confirms my suspicion that this is a crazy concept. Basically, and from what I can surmise so far, the idea is to match partners with someone else’s spouse who has opposite qualities to their own spouse so they can experience what they are missing at home. How the heck does having an affair with someone who has qualities you wish for in your spouse supposed to be beneficial to your marriage? The couples are foolish to let a TV show play with their lives in this way as the experiment has the potential to further fracture their marriages. To me, their commitment to each other in marriage is
suspect.

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Yvonne Chase July 10, 2015

It’s such a crazy concept that makes no sense whatsoever. Introducing a third party into any marriage is the worst idea ever. Your attention is now divided. Even when you return to your spouse, you have memories of what was while having to deal with what is.

These people need to stop experimenting with marriage. The couples are foolish to let a TV show play with their lives. This could end really bad. How committed are if you are willing to expose your marriage to such a high risk?
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Diane Robertson July 10, 2015

Well, I just got the opportunity to read the article in its entity.
As usual, I enjoy your candid style of writing Yvonne. Fun! 🙂
I also just simply love these:
“You didn’t marry someone else. You married your spouse. Deal with it!”
“The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is green where it’s watered. Water your own grass!”
“How would that fix my marriage if I were married? He still has to come back home to me and we still have to work it out. I don’t want him coming back with memories of another woman!”

When I first saw the promo for this series, I swore I wouldn’t watch it. However, I must confess that I am now intrigued to actually see how each couple responds to “the experiment”, and it how it will truly affect their relationships. The curiosity is killing me. Lol!
Still, I do believe that it will only stir up unnecessary issues. Suppose they return consistently comparing their actual spouse with the temporary one. On the other hand, I can’t get it out of my head that “Switch Therapy” is actually applied by professionals as a part of relationship therapy. I have seen it in play on “Marriage Bootcamp” but of course, in no way to this extent. So being the sort of “the glass is always half full” person who wears “rose petal glasses” I can’t help but hope this entire “experiment” DOES do some good.

Yvonne, thanks again for providing such stunning insight into #SevenYearSwitch
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Yvonne Chase July 10, 2015

@Diane,

Me too Diane. I am intrigued beyond to see how each couple responds to the experiment and how it will affect their marriage.

Based on my assessment of the couples, Aleshia should’ve listened to her gut and said NO to Houston from the beginning. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You can’t be single and married at the same time.

Neal and Leah can make it however, they probably won’t now that he is lusting after his new wife Aleshia.

I have never heard of “Switch Therapy.” Thought it was something made up for this show. I don’t see any good coming out of this experiment other than a lesson learned to never switch spouses again and to be content with my choice and do whatever I need to do WITHIN my marriage starting with ME to make it work.

I’ll be watching and blogging…

Stay tuned for more…
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AwesomelyOZ July 10, 2015

“The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is green where it’s watered. Water your own grass!” Perfectly stated.. Being with someone else is only temptation one really doesn’t need to have around when your relationship is already on the rocks. It’s like having an old toy and flashing a new one in your face. Everything that is “new” is perceived as “shiny” and “greener” until it ain’t. Until that eventually wears off .. then suddenly you have another old toy and you have to either get another shiny toy or learn how to extend it’s life expectancy, take care of it, and repair it. We’re a lazy society. Lol. I swear where do these people come up with this bullsh*t? Have a great weekend Yvonne! -Iva
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Mrs. Barker August 25, 2015

The overall premise of this show is extremely juvenile. First off, when we are in the initial phases of dating we are merely dating the representatives and so therefore everyone puts their best foot forward. Everyone is nice, compassionate, selfless, over achieving and everything in between. After the I do’s comes the real work. Marriage isn’t just about hot sex and care free date nights. There will be hard challenging times, there will be good times, there will be fun times and there will be times when you’re just flat out bored. But that doesn’t mean you start looking to greener pastures outside of the ranch. Doing switch therapy for two weeks with someone else isn’t firm enough footing to start looking into the possibility of being happier with someone else. You’re once again just testing out their representative who have their own issues and their own hang ups they potentially bring into a marriage. if you decide to take the easy way out without first looking internally, taking responsibility and ownership of the demise of your first marriage you run the risk of bringing the same problems into the new marriage, and getting divorced again. Love is a choice. Learning to love the person you are married to despite of their shortcomings is the best thing you can do for your marriage, and sometimes that can be difficult. This show is beyond pathetic because it doesn’t do a good job of holding each party responsible for their sh*t!!!! Marriage is a serious commitment and it also takes work, nurturing, patience and love.

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