Are You Really Celibate If You’re Having Sex With Sex Toys?

by Yvonne Chase on August 2, 2013

sex toys Turned To Sex Toys
Are you really celibate if you’re having sex with sex toys? I’m asking the question because Tamera Mowry-Housley formerly of the sitcom Sister, Sister and currently a talking head on the new daytime talk show The Real says she was celibate until she got married.  Here’s what she said in an interview with Hot 97: I don’t know how to explain this.  I’m religious, so I waited until I was 29 to lose my virginity.  You may not understand this [but] I did it, then I felt guilty, then I became celibate until I got married.

Why Can’t We Talk About Sex?
Instead of continuing to have sex with Adam her now husband in the picture above, she turned to sex toys and got into them so much that she introduced her sister Tia, who had never used sex toys to her first toy.  I tried to have this conversation with some Christians in a forum and they thought discussing sex toys was inappropriate so that’s why I brought it over here.  Why can’t Christians talk about sex? Everyone else is.

I Knew It Was Wrong
Anyway, I understand the guilt she felt.  Its the same guilt I felt the first time I had sex and every time after.  I knew it was wrong.  I knew sex outside of marriage was not Gods plan for my life as a Christian woman.  I didn’t turn to sex toys.  With Gods help, I stopped because obedience to God became more important to me than pleasing my flesh.

Pushing The Envelope
Here’s my thought on this, if you’re going to use sex toys, you might as well have sex I mean they’re called sex toys for a reason.  Using sex toys is no different than a Christian couple supposedly waiting until marriage yet pushing the envelope as far as they can push it sexually with heavy petting, kissing, touching and for some, oral sex without going all the way to intercourse.  If you’re going to do all of that, I’d say you might as well go on ahead and do the deed because in your heart, you really want to do the deed.  Being celibate is not about seeing how far you can go sexually without having sex.  The definition of celibate is to abstain from sexual relations.

A Hint Of Sexual Immorality
While researching this question, here’s what I found; Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian.  The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage.  However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue does not mean God approves of “pre-sexual” activity before marriage.”  He doesn’t approve.

Something to think about…

What say you? Are you really celibate if you’re having sex with sex toys? Are you not having sex if you’re using sex toys? What does being celibate mean to you?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Ty Knighten August 2, 2013

I believe that being celibate is refraining from sex with another individual. I don’t think that it has anything to do with sex toys.

Reply

Lady Dee June 23, 2015

I disagree…please read Ephesians 5:3 even a hint of sexual behavior is wrong. Are you putting a face there..and if the body/Temple is where THE HOLY SPIRIT DWELLS…WHY PUT HIM IN TH HE MIDDLE OF YOUR SEXUAL BEHAVIORS….or put HIM in your orgy

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 2, 2013

@Ty if you’re having sex with a toy, you’re still having sex so are you really celibate? Aren’t sex toys called sex toys for a reason?

Reply

Thandiwe Peach August 2, 2013

Being celibate is totally refraining from sex, toys or anything that makes you compromise your cleanness. I agree with Tamera one should rather be intimate with a man than go for an alternative of toys. Why are toys even there in the first place? I also believe in marriage one should be completely pleased by their spouse. Toys is just like bringing another man or woman into your home. I am completely against. The battle is with the flesh if one wins their flesh through prayer and supplication to God then you have conquered a great deal of Lust.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 2, 2013

@Thandiwe…Tamera used sex toys instead of continuing to have sex with her husband. That is actually why I wrote this post because I agree with you; “Being celibate is totally refraining from sex, toys or anything that makes you compromise your cleanness.”

As I continued to research this question, here’s what I found: “If you are living a celibate life according to the Bible, you should not be having any kind of sexual activity. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says to shun immorality and all sexual looseness in thought, word or deed – taken from the Amplified Bible.) No sexual activity would also include oral sex and masturbation which is considered self-sex. In fact, if we are not married, we shouldn’t be lying naked in the bed with our partner. There should be no viewing of the naked body or fondling of the private parts.”

I agree with that and that is why I don’t believe one is really celibate if they are having sex with sex toys.

Reply

diann August 2, 2013

the act of sex is between 2 humans; toys mimic human interaction but it’s not sex.
that being said – it’s also very dangerous to say if you’re going to do everything but the final act then you might as well do the act – somebody reading that just got encouragement to go ahead, and i’m sure that’s not what you intended.
sex toys are more a form of masturbation, than sex in my book.
opening the flood gates of sex makes you want more and as you know it requires self control to dial it all the way back – no sex toys or anything.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 2, 2013

@diann…And celibacy is saying no to all sexual relations including sex toys, masturbation etc. See my previous comment for a full explanation and also the last paragraph of the post.

They don’t need my encouragement. They’re going to do it anyway. If you think it, you will do it and that’s why celibacy is about so much more than a physical act. Its about a mindset change and a heart change.

Reply

Annice April 19, 2014

I was confused when I read your post. I didnt understand fully why having sex with toys were wrong I had never read anything in the Bible about it but it felt wrong. I convinced mysellf to do it because I figured it isnt as wrong as having sex with a man. I sat my toy out where I could see it everyday and wrote reasons why I shouldnt do it and the benefits to my relationship with God and the consequences in regards to my relationship with God right above it. It worked up untill tonight. I wanted to use it for the purpose it was made for it is a massager as well. I used it for that purpose but eventually used it for sexual pleasure. Now Im at work and I cant even function because I feel so bad about it. I asked myself why did I give in? I said to myself maybe its not realy wrong. So I have been searching online trying to find reasons concrete reasons behind my bad feeling. There is a reason I feel guilty someone has had to have had this problem before. I dont like that Christians avoid the topic of sex. We all were born with these inclinations and can help each other when we are faced with problems like this. There is no such thing as a Good Girl. God said we were all born in sin so why put on an act instead I think it is better to admit we all have issues and share those issues and solutions. Thats progress. Im still confused as to how I get this guilt out of my throat and how I can practice abstaining from sex. I set the toy out because I wanted to practice obedience I didnt want to wait untill sex came up to act I wanted experience of abstinence. I’ll keep trying this time with some of your thoughts in mind. Its a change of heart not just not committing a certain act. That comment really helped me Thank You!

Reply

Yvonne Chase April 21, 2014

Annice,

Many Christian singles embrace this way of thinking: “I convinced mysellf to do it because I figured it isnt as wrong as having sex with a man.”

Sexual purity is about obedience to God. Its not about seeing how far we can go. Flee sexual immorality is the command given to us in 1 Corinthians 6:18.

I believe your guilt comes from conviction of the Holy Spirit. Now its time to repent and turn away from what dishonors God.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Marriage Then Children Or Not And OtherhoodMy Profile

Reply

shenetra Robinson January 31, 2017

I like your comment this is how I feel I am his workmanship and daily he and I will work on me because a women with two children and leaving out of relationship….The flesh is hard too kill don’t beat your self but rather let him keep working on you don’t feel conviction From people feel his you feel guilt because of how people feel or embarrassed. Because u are a child of god…..same for me but daily he works on me and sheds the urge u can go to people for answer but go more to him

Reply

Tonya August 2, 2013

Sex with self is masturbation. The bible speaks of fleeing from all sex sin.

Sex toys is a safe way to protect yourself from stds, but accorinding to kingdom standards, its still wrong. I think society has it confuse, that if your abstaining from sex with a man then you are celibate. No… You are simply abstaining from sex with a man. Probably out of fear of getting heart broken, fear of std’s, lack of knowledge, whatever.

I encourage anyone wanting to truly live a celibate life to not be decieved. Same sex, self sex, watching porn, even reading sex novels and listening to songs that encourage premarital sex is dangerous to someone who desires to live a celibate life.

Repent and Believe. But dont justify and deny. Starting this celibate journey can be hard. But its easier if you gain the right knowledge, the right counsel, and stop following society advice.

Excuse any typo’s!
Much Love.

Reply

shenetra Robinson January 31, 2017

Love this too

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 2, 2013

@Tonya…your typos are fine with me. The differentiating factor is Kingdom standards. When we’re celibate according to those standards, we’re not having sex with sex toys and we are saying no to all forms of sex.

Love this part of your comment: “Repent and Believe. But dont justify and deny.” There’s a lot of justifying and denying.

Reply

The Single Chick August 3, 2013

I’m glad to even just eavesdrop on this conversation. (Is it called eavesdropping if you’re reading a public forum??) Anyways, I grew up in a Christian home and a Christian church and the only people who were willing to talk to me about sex were my teachers and my friends. So…now I’m a 30 year old woman who really doesn’t have a fully formed opinion on this topic. Thanks for raising the question….I really wish I had an answer to contribute.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 4, 2013

Hey Single Chick, that’s why I wrote this post. I too was raised in a Christian home and grew up in a Christian church. I can identify with your feelings. I believe Christians should be able to talk about everything including sex.

As I mentioned in the post, I tried to have this conversation in an online Christian forum and many thought it was an inappropriate discussion. Someone reported the post and had it removed.

That bothered me immensely. Not because my post was deleted but because if Christians can’t talk about sex, there’s something really wrong with that picture. Hope you come back to read the comments…they’re good and Biblically sound.

Reply

Alison Hector August 3, 2013

Sex toys are an aid to sex with oneself, so… they’re part of a sex act. The fact that the Bible says there shouldn’t even be a “hint” should be warning enough for believers. And I’m not saying abstinence is an easy thing. But it can be done in God’s strength.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 4, 2013

@Alison…I’d say sex toys are a whole lot more than a hint.

Reply

Todd August 3, 2013

I like to go to the scriptures on these issues because my personal preferences don’t make me an objective source. Jesus taught in Matthew 5:28 that if you look at another with lust, you have already committed adultery in the heart. Sex, including masturbation include the mind. If you lust for someone in your mind, Jesus taught it is equal to committing adultery. Now consider all the other verses concerning sexual. 1 Cor 6:18 teaches us to “flee from sexual immorality”. This would include anything that leads to lust and mental adultery. 1 Thess. 4:3-5 teaches us to abstain from sexual immorality. See also Job 31:1, 1 Cor. 6:13, 1 John 2:16, and 1 Peter 2:11 to name just a few. Mental attitude sins make up the vast majority of the sins we commit. Lust is one of those. Abstaining from mental attitude adultery maximizes the pleasure of sex with your spouse. That’s God plan and it’s a really good one.

Reply

Yvonne Chase August 4, 2013

@Todd…and that’s why I mentioned in a previous comment that a part of being celibate is a mind change. You’re right, mental attitude sins make up the vast majority of the sins we commit and lust is definitely one of those.

Reply

christian dating boundaries in relationships August 21, 2013

You can definitely see your enthusiasm in the work you write.
The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe.

Reply

solonely November 8, 2014

are you married, Chase? just curious what those of us older women, who God created to be so hideous that no such creature was ever created to want anything to do with us … are supposed to do.

Reply

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made June 24, 2015

I know the Bible tells us it’s not wise to entertain foolish and unlearned questions, so I passed this up at first. But then I thought, “My God, I hope this woman doesn’t think she’s hideous.”

Everything God makes is good. I hate that you don’t see yourself as valuable, precious, and wonderfully made as God created you. Society has wrongfully defined what’s beautiful. Please know that God loves you and in His eyes you are beautiful.

But to address your question (sorry I’m not Yvonne, but I study my Bible too) whether you think you’re hideous or not doesn’t change God’s Word. What are you supposed to do? Follow His Word (even what it says about running from sexual sin). You are to love God with all of your heart! You are to trust God and honor Him with your life.

Reply

Dovie Banks June 10, 2017

I feel that being celibate is what it is. Obstaining from all sexual pleasures…☺. Until you decide to get married. It is a strong commitment.

Reply

deb July 6, 2017

Yes, you are absolutely celibate even if you use sex toys. It’s not as if a man is being unfaithful if he masturbates.

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 4 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: