Shonda Rhimes Does Not Want A Husband In Her House…Do You?

by Yvonne Chase on November 19, 2015

He Has To Be The Right Husband
Let me start off by answering my own question; do I want a husband in my house? Yes, but he has to be the right husband.  A couple of days ago, a girlfriend and I were talking about men when I said to her I’m ready to meet a smart man, he’s got to be smart among other things.  She chimed in, “He’s also got to be able to let you shine. You have a big personality.  You are a lot in a great way.  He needs to be okay with who you are and not try to dim your light in any way.  He can’t try to box you in.  He has to let you be you 100%.  He needs to be secure enough in himself otherwise it won’t work.”

Did A Happy Dance
When she said all of that, I jumped up off my couch and did a happy dance.  She gets it! That is the only way I will ever have a husband in my house.  I have yet to meet that kind of man which is why I’m single. I don’t know Shonda Rhimes nor do I know Oprah but somehow I believe that is one of the main reasons neither of them ever wanted to marry.  Here’s what Shonda said to Oprah about marriage in a recent sit down interview:

I’m one of those people, since I was 5, I could tell you I was going to have kids. I could tell you I was going to have three. I could tell you they were going to be girls. But I have never wanted to get married. I never played bride. I was never interested. I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married.  I love having boyfriends. I love dating. I do not want a husband in my house.  I have so much going on inside my head in terms of writing, there’s such a large space in my life taken up by that. I can’t imagine it being taken up by a husband and children and writing, and everything getting its due. I don’t believe there is room for all of it. I really don’t.

It’s All About Shonda
It takes a certain kind of man to be with an accomplished woman like Shonda Rhimes who has Thursday nights on ABC on lock.  It’s all about Shonda on TGIT (Thank God It’s Thursday) on ABC starting with Grey’s Anatomy and ending with How To Get Away With Murder. There’s a lot of Scandal in between.  Here’s what Oprah shared with Shonda about marriage:

I don’t know if I’ve ever said this publicly, but I really wanted to be wanted to be married. I wanted Stedman to want to marry me. The moment he asked me to marry him I was, like… ‘Now I actually have to get married?’ I was supposed to do a book at the same time … and the wedding and the book were happening around the same time. We were on our way from the book party and Stedman said he did not want to have his wedding disturbed by all these people asking me about the book (which I ended up not doing),” Oprah says. “I said, ‘OK. All right. So he said, ‘We should just postpone this wedding. I said, ‘OK.’ And that was it. We have never discussed it again. What I realized is, I don’t want to be married because I could not have the life that I created for myself … I knew that I couldn’t do it.

Shonda
A Certain Kind Of Man
I don’t believe she could’ve created the life she created for herself either if she were married.   Again, it takes a certain kind of man to be with this kind of woman.  Here’s the irony of it all though, Shonda, Oprah and other women are fine not to marry yet these same women conduct their relationships with their significant others as if they are married so what’s the difference?  Wendy Williams chimed into the conversation and I gotta say, I agree with her take on it.  She said:

I don’t consider myself a woman’s libber but I consider myself up for girl power but there’s certain things about being a woman that I really adore and I’m no longer embarrassed to embrace like the comfort of a man, and yea, I like being a mom.  Stab me through the TV if you want to but in some weird way, I feel like there are some women out there doing the Jedi mind trick on some of these college girls making them think that if they get great jobs and make great money, you don’t need a man or you don’t need kids…I know it seems old-fashioned but let me tell you, when it all comes down to it at the end of the day, I can’t spoon none of this but you can throw a thigh up on your man.  And kids aren’t always great but dammit, but they give you a chance to focus on something other than your own selfish self.  

She continues:

When I was speaking at NYU the other day, I always try to impart on young women, don’t just be married to your career because your career, your money, I don’t care whether you make a billion dollars…I don’t like the message.  There is something about family.  What are we here on this earth for if we are not making a family? What I do embrace, and I’m no longer embarrassed to say it, I used to be embarrassed to say it; I’m soft and I’m pink and I need the comfort of a lover.  And one more thing, you girls in college and you girls in high school, don’t buy into that mess! You better plan your career and plan your personal life!

A Successful Career And A Great Salary
There is a large segment of women in America who are doing the Jedi mind trick on college girls telling them all they need is a successful career and a great salary.  A man is not necessary.  Listen, if you don’t want to be married, fine but don’t go around trying to convince other women to walk in your shoes.  Let each woman make her own decision about marriage and strut in her own stilettos.  Marriage is a good thing even if you don’t want it and it’s necessary for having a family.  Single mothers by choice is not the move!

Something to think about…

What say you? Can women have it all; career, marriage and family? Is a successful career and a great salary enough?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

shana November 19, 2015

She’s done all of this by herself; imagine how much more she could do with a husband. A husband is not a limitation or a hindrance to you being you – a husband allows you to shine while providing the much needed support at the same time.

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Yvonne Chase November 19, 2015

@Shana,

Your comment leads to the assumption that a spouse will always be supportive and want to see you shine. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the reason Wendy divorced her first husband and is now thriving with her second. All spouses aren’t created equal. Some are supportive while others are not.
Yvonne Chase recently posted…A White Man Is Not The Answer And A Black Man Is Not The ProblemMy Profile

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shana November 20, 2015

just like shonda’s statement assumes the opposite.
there’s alot of assumption on their parts….but maybe they both should be open to the positive possibilities.
Find the “perfect” husband for you.

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Lara November 25, 2015

Wendy is right about the Jedi mind trick being played on women. Oprah seems to be leading the charge.

Like Yvonne said, if you don’t want to be married, fine but don’t try to convince other women against marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Like Wendy, I got it right the second time around and I’m glad I did. It’s wonderful!

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Diane Robertson December 2, 2015

Again, great article. I’m sorry that I’m so late to the party.
I heard about this Shonda/Oprah conversation from the Wendy Williams show, no less.
What stuck out to me was Wendy’s response. She pretty much thought that Shonda was/is lying to herself.
Here’s where I stand:
Shonda is old enough to know exactly what she wants in life.
Heck, the older I get I’m beginning to relaize that marriage may not be for me either.
Here’s why: I come from a 2 parent home with 4 siblings who are married, each close to 20+ years. Ever since I’ve known myself that was what life was about and I actually had the white picket fence dream as a little girl.
But that’s the thing. Marriage has always been a dream. It’s been a fantasy for me. I’m beginning to really see that it takes more than being cute, sweet and smiling nicely to cater to a man’s every whim. Marriage is real work, and not just the work of the relationship where 100% communication is involved. It can be physically laborious too. Marriage is not about me. It’s not about someone filling me up emotionally every day with “I love yous” and butterfly kisses. Real life comes into play like work, washing dishes, doing laundry, dealing with shady or even crazy in-laws and so on.
The thing is I’ve begun to settle into a sweet spot of having my own schedule, eating what I want when I want. Not making a fuss about dinner, or my appearance at home for that matter, and I love it. Reality dictates that marriage may very well will change all that. Do I really want my situation to change?
Maybe I’ve just been single too long but yes I can see Shonda’s point perfectly. I love my days filled with writing-for hours, or reading in preparation for the next writing project, or coordinating an indie film project, or otherwise.
I’ve come to realize that marriage is about more than romance, sex etc. It is apart of Purpose.
Sometimes God wants His purpose accomplished alongside a partner. Sometimes with a partner later in life, or not at all. Sometimes, some of us need to accomplish everything we were meant to alone…well at least without a husband. We may be joined by business partners, ministry partners etc. to carry out the tasks.
All I’m saying is, Shonda and Oprah are living their truth. Wendy is living her own too as a wife and mother and should leave people well enough alone.
Diane Robertson recently posted…Life Passages XVII-Knowing Her Own HeartMy Profile

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Yvonne Chase December 4, 2015

@Diane,

Wendy tends to think women like Shonda are lying to themselves when they don’t want marriage. I’ve watched her react similarly with other women who don’t want marriage.

I’m with you, leave people well enough alone and live your truth…period!
Yvonne Chase recently posted…Black Men In Atlanta Don’t Want To Date Or Marry Black WomenMy Profile

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