Spouse or Sibling – Who Comes First?

by Yvonne Chase on August 13, 2013

spouse Husband Before Sister
Today while catching up on reality TV, I clicked on Tia & Tamera to watch their latest episode.  One of the segments that stood out to me was about Tamera putting her husband before her sister.

Family Comes First
Here’s the back story; Tia & Tamera were scheduled to play at a charity poker event in Vegas.  Tamera had to leave because her husband had a charity event the same evening.  At the last minute, she realized a double booking.  Tia who is also a wife and mom wasn’t necessarily thrilled at the idea of Tamera leaving and mentioned something about family comes first.  While Tamera agreed with her, she reminded Tia that she’s still her sister but her husband is her family now and he and their son come first.  In the end, Tamera left to be with her husband.  I was glad she made that decision.  I would’ve done the same.

Leaving and Cleaving
As I watched the scene play out, I thought all of it was crazy and not real.  Didn’t Tia get the email about leaving and cleaving? It made me think about my own married siblings.  I have a sister who is married.  Even though we’re not close, I never have nor would I put her in a situation that makes her feel like she has to choose between me and her spouse.  I understand her marriage comes first.  Her priority is her husband and her family.  That’s the mindset I’ve embraced with all of my married siblings.

Not At The Expense Of A Spouse
While I don’t have to make this choice now because I’m single, if I were to marry, my husband would know from the gate that he and our family come before my siblings.  That’s the way its supposed to be.  My siblings would never have the opportunity to make me choose them over my spouse.  That just wouldn’t happen.  Now does it mean I can’t spend time with my siblings or be there for them? Absolutely not!  I believe maintaining relationships with our families as long as those relationships are healthy is a great idea.

Drawing A Line In The Sand
A gentleman and I discussed this recently when he shared what he’s looking for in a mate.   One of the things he said was he wanted to know the relationship she had with her family and how much influence they had on her decisions.  He wanted a woman who knew the importance of  drawing a  line in the sand between her family and him.  In the past, he’d met women who were so close with their families and siblings that the lines were blurred and caused a lot of tension.

Never Too Early To Prepare
Singles, if you’re reading this, you might want to do a study of Genesis 2:24 and get yourself in the right head space to handle your siblings and family if and when you marry.  Its never too early to prepare.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

Something to think about…

What say you? Who comes first…spouse or sibling? How do you handle your family within marriage? Any recommendations for singles? Singles, have you thought about this? How would you handle it?

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

catherine gacad

My husband and I have this joke. We say to each other, “I love you more than my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my nephew….” While it’s funny, it’s also very true. But my husband would never stand in the way if my parents were sick or my sister needed me, he would be at their side as well.

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