Yes But Not Right Now
Last week, I met Calvin, a recent graduate of NYU. Calvin is in the thick of building his Communications firm. As we talked about his business and my blog, he told me about his girlfriend Julia. When I asked if he would marry her, his eyes lit up and he excitedly said, “Definitely! I wouldn’t date her if I didn’t think I could marry her…but not right now. No time soon as a matter of fact. I’m young. I need to get myself together. There are some things I need to accomplish first before marriage.”
Don’t Do That
Building his business, buying a condo, setting up a bi-coastal living situation, getting a new luxury car, stacking some cash and traveling the world are a few of the items on Calvin’s list of things to do before I say I do. Calvin is like most men I meet today. They have to get their life together in a way that’s satisfactory for them before they find a wife. When I heard Calvin’s thoughts, my first words to him were, don’t do that. You’re making a big mistake. You’re leaning on your own understanding. If you know for sure she is a woman you want to marry, you need to get married sooner than later.
Everything you want to accomplish can be done with her and it can probably be done faster. Then I reminded him of the most important thing; his walk with God. I said to him, if you want to remain sexually pure and have a relationship that honors God, marrying sooner than later is wise. Your lofty goals and the empire you want to build are not more important than obeying God.
Happy He Said I Do
Today while roaming the net, I ran across an article written by TJ Holmes, former CNN news anchor. The article, titled, Why Did I Get Married? Here’s Why is an ode to his upcoming four year anniversary. TJ is happy he said I do. Here’s what he says about his decision to marry:
I was putting together a business email. I asked my wife to review it, and she thought the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and negative. She was right. Her input stopped me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of our entire relationship. In all I do, I have a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a mistake, no matter how great or small.
Also, I’m still the same guy at my core, but look at what has changed in my life since I got married: My family and I are closer, my individual net worth has gone up every year since we met, I’ve learned a second language, I’m healthier, I use the n-word less, I listen to Sunday church service more, I’m a better friend, I’m more forgiving than I used to be, I’m more involved in charitable work. In every way, I’m better off because I’m married. So, for me, a successful marriage has revolved around this principle: I like who I am with her.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, single men, especially Christian single men need to be looking for a wife with the same intensity used to find a job or land the next business deal. All this crazy talk about I need to get a better job, finish my graduate degree, start my graduate degree, save more money, buy a house, get a better car, travel the world, climb Mount Everest, etc. is just that; crazy talk! You can do all of those things and so much more with a wife. A wife is not a hindrance, she’s your help. Calvin, if you’re reading this and know you are because I sent it to you, I hope TJ Holmes inspires you to marry Julia sooner than later. You’re “together” enough to walk down the aisle. Here’s what TJ said in closing:
I, like many other men, thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success before marriage. You know, make the right amount of money, get the right job, the right car, the right crib, etc., and perhaps “sow the royal oats.” Now, I firmly believe the success we seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way.
Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9
Something to think about…
P.S. That’s TJ Holmes and his wife Marie on their wedding day March 1, 2010.
What say you? Does a man need to have it all together before he says I do? Is this a valid reason to delay marriage especially when you’ve met the woman you want to marry? Do women suffer when men delay marriage?
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