Unequally Yoked Relationships Lead Us To A Hard Place

by Yvonne Chase on September 26, 2017

Unequally Yoked And Interfaith Relationships

In my last post titled Janet Jackson Could’ve Avoided Divorce and Single Motherhood, I talked about unequally yoked and interfaith relationships.

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Traditional Wife
Janet’s ex-husband, Wissam is a devout Muslim who wanted to be with a traditional wife that stuck with Muslim traditions. That’s not Janet, Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty. A reader left a comment that is the foundation of this post. Here’s what she said:

You make some great points here! And as I embark on my own series about marriage I’ll be taking your word to heart. It is so important that faith be discussed before marriage and then be the rock upon which strong marriages are upheld. That being said, I believe God can use even already unequally yoked marriages to bring about His good purposes. All hope is not lost for those who’ve found themselves in this hard place! Blessings!

Unequally Yoked Marriages
All hope is not lost. God can absolutely use unequally yoked marriages to bring about his good purposes, however, I don’t believe we find ourselves in this hard place. Wissam knew Janet isn’t Muslim and Janet knew he is a devout Muslim. They walked in with eyes wide open no different than a Christian woman who chooses to marry an unbeliever. 

Say No
God gives us free will to live our lives however we choose. With that said, a Christian woman can’t intentionally marry a non-believer or someone of another faith then say she found herself in a hard place. 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us to say no to that type of relationship.

On The Same Page
Now, in 1 Corinthians 7, we find lots of advice for those married to an unbeliever. I believe that scenario happens when two unbelievers marry and one becomes a believer. When two unbelievers marry, they are on the same page until one of those unbelievers becomes a believer.

Serving God
The believing spouse according to 1 Corinthians 7 could be the catalyst that leads the unbelieving spouse to Christ. I saw this happen in real life. The wife became a Christian then won her husband over. Today, they are both serving God.

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Share The Same Faith
One of the first conversations a Christian couple has ought to be about faith. As I mentioned in my last post, I ended my relationship because he’s not a Christian and is involved in an organization that has a stronghold over his life. I could deal with my ex if we were at different levels in our faith. The point is, we must share the same faith; he must have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Believing in God is great, however, it’s not enough.

Stuck In A Hard Place
Now I know other Christians who don’t feel as strongly about this matter. Some will marry an unbeliever, as a matter of fact, I know a woman who did just the other day. Many women marry men who have a desire to go to church and know the things of God yet that man has never given his life to the Lord. After marriage, that desire wanes and now they’re stuck in a hard place. If they asked me, I would strongly advise against it.

Beyond The Pulpit
My ex has all the actions of a good Christian man; he attends church regularly, knows his pastor beyond the pulpit, tithes, reads the Bible, prays and does all of the things “Christians” do, however, Jesus Christ is not his Savior.

Most Important Decision
It would’ve been easy to rationalize staying in my relationship; it was amazing, he’s a great guy and we had a wonderful connection, however, I can’t disobey God in the most important decision of my life. Other women do it every day though. They say things like; he’s nice, treats me well, he has a great job, his professional future is bright, he comes from a great family, my parents like him, we get along well, he goes to church, we pray together and on and on and on…

Grew Up In A Christian Home
In a conversation with my brother about my relationship, he said, “There’s usually a story of when we become a Christian. Have you heard his story?” No, I haven’t and I did ask. It’s a very important story that has to go much deeper than I’ve been going to church all my life. Guess what, I’ve been going to church from the time I was in my mother’s womb to this day. None of that makes me a Christian.

Handwriting On The Wall
We cant see the handwriting on the wall and ignore it then say we found ourselves in a hard place. I believe we can avoid unhappy marriages, hard places, and divorce when we pay attention to the red flags and acknowledge the handwriting on the wall. Every divorced and unhappily married person I know, and unfortunately, I know a lot, saw the handwriting on the wall yet chose to ignore it.

Happiness Or Misery
Let me say this in closing; who you marry is the most important decision you will ever make. As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. says…

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Something to think about…

What say you? Why do we ignore the handwriting on the wall? Would the divorce rate be different if we didn’t? Do we find ourselves in a hard place or do we sometimes walk in with eyes wide open?

Here are 2 things I’d like you to do now:

1. Leave a comment below

2. Share this post even if you don’t like it; someone else might like it and need it

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Beth September 27, 2017

So, so important, Yvonne! I’m so glad you’re speaking out on this one issue because I see the effects of this problem in my coaching and mentoring ALL.THE.TIME! It’s like love blinds us to the realities and dangers that lurk beyond the threshold of marriage, where our convictions guide our steps. If we are unequally yoked, we tend to walk in opposite directions on this and then find ourselves so far from and at odds with our mates. I’m pinning this one, my friend! Thanks for your heart to guide singles into healthy bonds in life and marriage.
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Yvonne Chase September 27, 2017

@Beth,

I believe love blinds us to the realities and dangers because we want to be married so badly and that is our main focus. We give little thought to how one bad decision can affect us long-term.

And yes, we are definitely walking in opposite directions when we are unequally yoked. It happened in my relationship and it put us at odds with each other.

Thanks for pinning.
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Liz September 28, 2017

Your strong words of caution to women before they are married are wise! I do think it is foolish to expect to change a man by marrying him, and too often that’s what we women think, isn’t it? My comment on your previous post was only meant to offer a little hope to the woman who did innocently find herself in a hard place, who hadn’t ever even heard that being unequally yoked was against God’s design for marriage. I’m glad you’re sharing this truth. Blessings!
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Yvonne Chase September 28, 2017

@Liz,

We’re on the same page. Relationships and marriage aside, oftentimes we do the thing we know God tells us not to do then we say we found ourselves in a hard place.

To your point, I had a friend who was living with her guy. We were at church one Sunday when she learned living together was wrong. It was hard to believe she didn’t know this and that is why it’s so important to plant ourselves in churches that teach the truth that convicts us to change. Within 30 days, she moved into her own place.

Between that time, she had a conversation with him, ended that relationship then spent as much time away from the apartment as possible. She was determined to obey God.
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Tee September 28, 2017

My father divorced my mother and she remarried an unbeliever with 3 kids from his previous marriage. Fast forward, my sister and I lived out-of-state and my mother became ill. My stepdad and his daughter were making all of my mother’s healthcare choices and not from a Christian standard. I spent every waking moment with my mother in hospice; when she died my sister and I were shut out of everything. I don’t even know what clothes my mother was buried in. These people turned on my sister and I as soon as my mother died. My sister and I are both married to Christians, my brother-in-law said thank God his kids will never have to go through what my sister and I did. Don’t marry an unbeliever, your children will pay the ultimate price.

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Yvonne Chase September 29, 2017

@Tee,

I cringed while reading this and I’m so sorry you had this experience. Hopefully, it made you stronger and led you closer and deeper in your relationship with God

When parents do wrong/make bad decisions/disobey God, their children usually experience the ill effects.
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Trina Taylor September 29, 2017

Your transparency is refreshing and your courage and witness are quite admirable. God will honor your obedience. Stay the course sister.

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Yvonne Chase October 5, 2017

@Trina,

To God be all the glory.
Staying the course…
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Gayl October 3, 2017

Your words are so important. Sometimes people are blinded to the truth and want to believe things can work out if they go ahead and get married. What is hard is when you see two people who you thought were Christians marry and are together several years and then one turns away from God. I’ve seen it in my own family. I know God still works and I pray for His will to be done.

Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #TeaAndWord.

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Yvonne Chase October 5, 2017

@Gayl,

You are so right. We often think marriage will fix it and most times it doesn’t.
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Aimee Imbeau October 5, 2017

When my husband and I married, he was an unbeliever. He came to faith in Jesus after about 8 years. We’ve been married nearly 20 years and it is a healthy, strong marriage. However, he will be the first to say that he wouldn’t recommend a believer marrying an unbeliever! He knows it is unwise! We both also know that our story is not the norm. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
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Yvonne Chase October 5, 2017

@Aimee,

Your story is definitely not the norm. I am glad it all worked out for you and that you are in a strong marriage. Our lives are so much easier when we do as the old hymn says, “Trust and obey for there’s no other way…
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