Single People Everywhere Ought To Watch Married At First Sight

by Yvonne Chase on June 10, 2015

Mismatched From The Gate
It’s finally over. Season 2 of Married At First Sight, ended last night and it I was spot on with my predictions.  Sean and Davina got a divorce.  Thank God for Jesus! Sean couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough to get back to New Jersey.  So glad he got away from Davina although he seemed shocked and hurt when Davina said she wanted to divorce.  I got the feeling that if she said she wanted to stay married, he would’ve stayed married and tried to make it work with the help of the counselors.  I’d like them to redo how each couple reveals their decision.  For example, if I’m thinking I want to stay married and he reveals first that he wants to divorce, I’m going to go along with him to protect myself.  Once Sean heard Davina wanted to divorce, he decided to divorce too.  I hope Sean gets over this quickly and meets a woman who accepts him for who he is and likes herself outside of any material thing.  Like I said here, I believe they were mismatched from the gate. When someone tells you relocation is a deal breaker, they ought to be matched with someone who lives in their city and is in love with it as much as they are.

They Live A Car Ride Away
My favorite couple, Jaclyn and Ryan R decided to stay married and I’m glad about their decision.  Ryan was carrying on about being connected to his family and needing to see his family as if they live in Afghanistan when the reality is, they live a car ride away in Long Island.  Get it together Ryan! Like I said here, I see a lazy bone in Ryan R. Sure he may want to stay married to Jacqueline but I’m not sure he is willing to do the work needed to have a great marriage.  I hope he stops using his family as an excuse and man’s up for the task ahead.

He’s Not Into Her
While I figured Jessica and Ryan D would also stay married, and they did, I’m not sure they will remain married till death do them part. Something about Ryan just doesn’t sit well with me.  He seemed to be going along with the decision because that’s what Jessica wanted.  The reunion show next week suggests he’s cheating.  I don’t get the sense he’s into her.  I do get the sense he does want to be married and having a family of his own is important to him, I just don’t know if he wants it with Jessica.

Thankful For My Single Life
As I watched last night, I was and today am so thankful for my single life.  I’ve had a lot of time to really get to know me and what God put in me.  I’m thankful I know the creator of marriage personally and his plan for how it’s supposed to work and his purpose for it.  I’m even more thankful that I’ve been surrounded by marriage all my life. While I’ve never been married, I know how hard marriage is.  My brother’s difficult marriage taught me a whole lot plus I’m a sounding board for so many of my friends in difficult marriages.  Watching Married At First Sight also taught me a lot.  Below is some of what I gleaned from the balanced team of experts:

watch

There’s nothing more important in a relationship or a marriage than communication.”

“When you hold hands, you’re a team and that’s powerful.  Hold hands.”

watch

If you are competing, there is always a winner and a loser. Not good.”

“We learn more from our fights than we do from the good times. It can be the key to communication.”

“Relationships aren’t convenient. To meet someone “convenient,” hang out in your lobby or in your local coffee shop.”

“None of us are mind readers. Our couples must learn that if they can’t speak up, there will be no progression.”

“Misunderstandings, poor communication, and lack of listening make for enormous problems in a relationship.”

“A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know.”

“The strength of a relationship is bolstered by history. Taking the time to connect with your history can make you stronger.”

“Resolve to always prioritize working on the relationship proactively, rather than reactively.”

“Define what happy and healthy means for you and your partner, then work together to build and maintain it.”

“Don’t generalize or assume! Play detective and try your best get to know the person you are with.”

watch

“There’s no perfect, but there can be wonderful. And, letting go of perfection makes wonderful more likely by far.”

“So tempting to criticize our partners. But criticizing almost never gets us what we want. Really, no matter what!”

“Marriage pro-tip: listen to yourself using the word should. No, you shouldn’t. Shoulds equal pressure on yourself and your spouse.”

“Men/women must get more comfortable w/women’s higher income today. We can all stand to learn.  More to “success” than money.”

“Work, location, culture, money etc. strain millions of couples. “Chemistry” can’t magically fix this; only communication.”

Nothing Happens Until We Decide
What I love most about Married At First Sight is the decision singles make to marry.  This is not random dating with no end in mind.  This is not disposing of people after a few dates because well, we’ve had enough.  This is not putting someone on ice while we shop for a bigger, better deal.  This is not swiping to see how many random hookups we can accumulate.  No, this is the real deal. The singles in this experiment decided to get off of the dating merry go round and get married.  This show really shows what I’ve always said; we can date forever but if we want to be married, it’s a decision we have to make first.  Nothing happens until we decide.

Something to think about…

What say you? Did you watch last night? Do you think the couples made the right decisions? What did you learn from Married At First Sight?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Anon June 10, 2015

I agree that Sean appeared extremely hurt by Davina’s decision and would have probably gone along if she said marriage – which just proves to me he is a wuss and really is unsure about alot of things at this point in time – he was not a good candidate for the show.
I also think Jessica caved – she’s afraid of Ryan but has chosen to overlook what she does not like. However the body language in the car on the way over, clued you in to her thoughts. They are confusing.
I do think the show needs to re-do how decisions are made; how do they know one person’s choice is not influencing the other.

I ultimately think this show should be scrapped; it’s a way for the experts to validate their knowledge at the expense of people’s lives while removing all the sanctity of marriage. I think the show provides a great way for the participants to get to know themselves while getting minor cosmetic procedures done (Ryan’s teeth!) and they just may get lucky and end up with a spouse that they grow to like.

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J.V. June 10, 2015

Hi! I agree with your analysis above. The thing that I have realized about marriage is this……
My first marriage was hard. Very hard. Why? Because it was wrong. I married the wrong person. Period. End of story. It didn’t work. It was hard.
I am remarried to the right person. He is wonderful. I can’t think of anything about him I don’t love. He never speaks unkindly to me. We never fight about anything. We are just two peas in a pod….taking one day at a time. We value one another and want the best for one another. We are not in a competition. We hold hands. We kiss each other every time we walk out of the door and upon returning home. We kiss good night. We enjoy the same things. He supports my interests and I support his. We enjoy being together. Comprise has come easy. We both give and take equally. This marriage is easy. It’s not hard at all. Never ever.
So my analysis of marriage is this…..if you are dating someone and have to work at it and if it feels hard, it probably isn’t right. You are forcing it to be right. I believe marriage should be a joy. Not something hard. So when my husband and I watch Married at First Sight, we look at each other and realize how lucky we are. Maybe I’m just extremely lucky. But divorce is at 50% and I believe it would be higher if people who are just staying together for what ever reason, would face it and just divorce. So my advice is for singles to date and date until you find the person that feels really right. Find a relationship that doesn’t need all that work. Life is too short to be working on your daily situation. Look for your right person in unexpected places. Sometimes your right person will be that person every one else rejected for stupid reasons…..like their height, or career choice, the car they drive, or past mistakes.
Marriage is a great thing. Make it right. Make it peaceful and easy.

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Yvonne Chase June 11, 2015

Hello J.V.,

Don’t think I’ve seen you here before. Welcome to my neck of the woods and thanks for stopping by.

I think you are absolutely right when you say this, “But divorce is at 50% and I believe it would be higher if people who are just staying together for whatever reason, would face it and just divorce.”

LOVE this: “Sometimes your right person will be that person everyone else rejected for stupid reasons…..like their height, or career choice, the car they drive, or past mistakes.”

Agree w/this 100%: “If you are dating someone and have to work at it and if it feels hard, it probably isn’t right. You are forcing it to be right.”

Nice to hear about your marriage. Sounds refreshing. Great comment.
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AwesomelyOZ June 14, 2015

Wow so what does that say about Sean that he probably would’ve stayed married if Davina didn’t say she wanted a divorce? lol. WEAK! I wish the other couples the best of luck that’s some real heavy duty stuff right there. The advice given is spot on – communication is everything in a relationship but is so heavily overlooked or avoided. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch the next season! Have a great one Yvonne 🙂 -Iva
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Yvonne Chase June 15, 2015

@Iva,

I don’t believe any of the couples are together. Jessica filed a restraining order against Ryan D. Not sure about Jaclyn and Ryan R. Apparently he can’t seem to cut the umbilical chord between he and his family. What a loser! They live a car ride away. He’s lazy and using them as an excuse!

Sean weak? Maybe. Maybe not.
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Mmabatho J. Seete (@MmabathoSisJ) June 16, 2015

Insightful as always Yvonne!

The reveal absolutely needs to be changed. I think Ryan merely echoed Jess’s decision. Jess’s decision to not divorce was nothing but a people-pleasing move. She is betraying herself. She doesn’t like what her knower is telling her, this is why she is always in her head talking herself into the marriage.

While the experts have a lot of good and solid information to share, I think they too are experimenting…putting their book knowledge to practice for research purposes. Jess and Ryan should not have been matched. They should have realised that Ryan was charming his way into the experiment and not matched him with any woman. He said and did the right things, but his eyes told a different story. The only thing Jess gained from being matched with Ryan is emotional injury. An abuser and a people-pleaser are a perfectly wrong couple. The experts were experimenting here.

Lesson: Physical intimacy before emotional intimacy is dangerous. It gives a couple a false sense of closeness which is why the relationship is lived in bed. That’s the only place Ryan knew to ‘connect’ with Jess…carrying her to bed at every turn.

It’s surprising that the couple that showed the most promise initially had the worst experience and ending. I am glad Sean decided to divorce as nothing he did would have been good enough for Davina. Ego drove theirs to the ditch.

Lesson: Ego is a dangerous leader.

It was a joy to watch the spark between Jaclyn and Ryan ignite. Theirs was an example of emotional intelligence. I think Ryan is finding out that being single was a happier state than he realised.

Lesson: Do not romanticize the other side of the fence.

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