Bad Credit = Bad Name
The other day I was watching a Christian pastor discuss how to choose someone to marry and he emphatically said; don’t marry nobody with bad credit. Here it is we’re trying to buy a house and we can’t because of your bad credit. Your name is bad. Marry someone with a good name. Before I dig into why I disagree with him, let me say this, good credit is important however, you are NOT your credit score.
Tough Economic Times
Good credit is not the be all and end all of the marriage and mate selection conversation. Now more than ever, people that once had stellar credit are finding themselves with bad credit. We are living in tough economic times and everyone is affected in some way. I know a gentleman that is an excellent money manager. He tithes, pays his bills on time, does not live above his means ever, knows how to shop a bargain, saves more than he spends, has a very limited number of credit cards and has strict rules around how he uses those cards, buys what he needs, splurges once every blue moon yet is not a miser and makes really wise financial decisions. His stellar credit rating went south when he was laid off from his very lucrative career and couldn’t find a new gig for two and a half years. Today, he is back in the work force and doing everything he can to revive his credit score.
Keepin Up with the Joneses
I know another gentleman who has good credit yet there is no white space on his credit report because he has every credit card known to man. He buys things he can’t afford to impress people that don’t know his name and he’s constantly keeping up with the Joneses. While he pays his bills on time, he’s constantly stressed out and unable to sleep easy because of his enormous debts. In addition, he’s stuck in a job he doesn’t like because of all the debt he’s accumulated and continues to accumulate. To me, he is a much bigger financial risk than the first gentleman with bad credit.
Where money and credit scores are concerned, the conversation is bigger than three numbers. We need to look at:
- Spending habits
- Saving habits
- Overall money mentality
- Circumstances of life; why does this person have bad credit?
- Work ethic and work history
- Is this person a financial risk?
- Budget – do they have a budget?
- Why/how do they spend money?
- Do they live on credit cards?
Money and Mate Selection
Those are just a few of the many things we need to look at when we think about money and mate selection. In addition, if you do marry someone with bad credit, you don’t get to remind him or her every day about it. Their credit is now your credit therefore you need to work together at making the bad good. In the example the pastor used about buying a house with a spouse that came into the marriage with bad credit, I believe it would be wise for a couple in that predicament to sit with a financial counselor for the first year of marriage to help them clean up credit and other financial issues and set them up to buy a home. That’s what marriage is all about – supporting each other through the good and the bad.
Get Your House In Order
If you’re single and reading this, now would be a great time to get your financial house in order as much as you can before marriage. A girlfriend of mine was on a mission to pay off all of her debts and spruce up her credit rating prior to marriage however, she met her now husband along the way. While she was able to clear up a lot of debt, she still had a small chunk to pay off and so did he. They were both honest with each other about their financial goals and they held each other accountable. Today they are married and thriving financially.
A Closer Look
If you happen to meet someone with bad credit who is otherwise perfectly suited for you, take a closer look and find out why. I would hate to see you walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you because of three numbers that are always subject to change.
Something to think about…
What say you…how much does a persons credit score matter? Would you marry someone with bad credit? How important is credit when choosing a mate? Are we making it more important than it is? Chime in…
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Yvonne , This is an excellent post! I do think that a persons finances are very important as you get serious and decide to marry. I do agree it would depend on the circumstances – losing a job and falling on hard times VS someone livin’ large and putting on the “big show” to impress others . I would have a relationship with someone that fell on hard time for sure – the “big show big hot” noooo way!
Have a pretty day!
Kristin
@Kristin…there are so many reasons for bad credit these days. I agree, a persons financial life is very important. Like you, I would have a relationship with someone that fell on hard times for sure over someone Keeping up with the Joneses.
Thanks for reading and sharing. I appreciate you.
GREAT post! I agree with you completely, and I love that you opened up the conversation. I also agree that the subject matter is bigger than good or bad credit. It’s also about habits and tendencies like you mentioned. On a personal note, I will say this. If my husband would have taken that particular pastor’s advice; I would be heart broken, single, and wasting money even more. My credit is bad. I have no credit card debt or credit cards. That’s never been a problem for me. I haven’t made many mistakes credit wise to be honest, but the ones I have made have had big consequences. My husband knew about them prior to us getting married, and I began making progress slowly but surely by budgeting and saving money. I couldn’t make a dent in the debt though. Fortunately, my husband had purchased a house before we were even engaged. This was VERY good for us, because I can’t even imagine hindering my husband from purchasing a home when he has worked so hard and been so responsible. It breaks my heart to even think about it. His work requires top security clearance so his credit is impeccable. He would not have a job otherwise. I believe that Jesus keeps us together. Because of Christ, my heart is to submit to my husband. My husband’s heart is to protect me, love me, and lead me. We want to do these things out of our love for each other, but most importantly for the love we have for God. Yes, we manage our money differently. We have had to make decisions about how we handle accounts and etc that would work the best for us. We have had to make (and are making) some difficult personal decisions in the process, but I can honestly say that we are doing well financially and otherwise. My credit will take quite sometime to be repaired, but we are making the necessary steps for us. My husband doesn’t have any resentment towards me. He provides for me and encourages my growth. He keeps me accountable. I don’t allow myself to become a burden to my husband though. He does not pay for my debt, but we work together. It’s been humbling. I honestly don’t know if I would be experiencing the growth that I have in this area if it weren’t for my husband. There is soooooooo much growth in submission when you have a Godly husband who loves you dearly, but loves God first. Not that I have this whole financial thing together, but I don’t do what I used to do which was to spend now think later. By God’s grace, I think, plan, tithe, budget, and also talk things over with my husband. It’s been huge for us.
@MrsDotCo…Your transparency is refreshing. Like you, I don’t have any credit card debt…I’m a cash and carry kind of girl however, due to medical circumstances, I do have a few blemishes on my credit report that I am working diligently to fix.
Its great that you know why your credit is what it is and you are taking the necessary steps to fix it and its also great that your husband didn’t let your credit score stop what seems to be a great marriage. You are NOT your credit score.
Thanks for reading and sharing. I appreciate you.
This is an insightful post! You bring up an important point. Circumstances can change someone’s credit score and that needs to be taken into consideration when dating. You’re right about not letting a person’s credit score be one of the determining factors of whether you should pursue a relationship. Having a mature and loving relationship means being emotionally, spiritually and physically supportive when your spouse or partner is going through a difficult situation.
@Marie…I think it would be very un-Christian to take on the attitude referenced by the speaker. Marriage is about getting through the good and the bad with grace.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Appreciate you…
Hi Yvonne! I enjoyed reading this post – a fresh perspective on the critical role that good financial management plays in the modern marriage saving/transformation skill set.
The best relationship science tells us that “money issues” are on the top 5 list of the major sources of serious marital distress leading to break up and divorce. A large recent study showed that frugal couples are indeed the happiest; – exactly what you’ve described here.
From what I can tell, effective money management is a learn-able skill set, just like effective couple-communication. Credit score improves with effective money management just like emotional intimacy for couples improves with effective communication. Further these 2 are very much related for so many couples, especially in a tight economy.
Thought provoking post! – Thank you.