Marrying Young – Part 2 – Why I Didn’t Marry Young

by Yvonne Chase on April 16, 2013

marry Marriage and Family
​Edward and I met in Speech class during our senior year of college and became fast friends.  There was a mutual attraction that quickly took our friendship to the next level.  We started what I now call a courtship.  Not before long our families were introduced and his mother, sister and I had regular weekend standing hair and nail appointments.   It was good! He introduced me to my church and that became a huge part of our time together.  We shared the same faith and wanted the same things; marriage and family.  Edward liked me a lot and I liked him just as much.  Contrary to popular thought, there are young people out there who know exactly what they want.  I was twenty five and I knew.

Great Guy – Great Personality
We talked about marriage, we talked about family and we talked about how we saw our lives together beyond college.  He wanted to be an attorney and I wanted to produce TV and host a talk show someday.  We had a plan, we had a vision and we were excited about our future.  Edward got along extremely well with all of my friends and most importantly, he got along really well with everyone in my family.  He was a great guy with a great personality.  He’d come over to the house and talk to my dad, LOL with my mother and have varying conversations with my siblings.  Sounds great doesn’t it?

Break Up With Her
It was great however; the great times came to a screeching halt when his mother told him to break up with me.  While his father was involved and very much in the picture, his mother was the mouthpiece in their marriage.  She saw how much Edward was “into me” and felt it would interfere with his Law School studies.  It was very important to her that her only son attend law school.

Pain, Sadness and Dismay
I remember that day like it was yesterday when he came to me and said something along the lines of my mother says I have to break up with you because they’re paying for Law School and they won’t pay if we stay together.  They need me to focus on my studies.  I remember the look of pain, sadness and dismay on his face as he uttered those words then stood there waiting for my response.  That was the end of our future.

Refuse to Pay for College
In my last post, I mentioned Mark Gungor who says marrying young is the solution to sexual impurity and immorality.  Here’s what else he says, “Rather than encourage purity, Christian parents encourage – no, they threaten their young people that if they marry too young they will punish them with all their strength: refuse to pay for college, refuse to pay for any wedding or even refuse to attend any such weddings.  When I read that paragraph, I thought to myself, what crazy parent would do that? What crazy parent would refuse to pay for college and then I remembered Edward.  His mother was definitely that parent.

Stick It!
Mark continues, “These corrupted guardians, having been sufficiently polluted by the poison of the lust of this world, deliberately insist that their children first obtain what the Bible clearly warns them against: money, things, and the cares of this life.  Many Christian parents today have virtually zero concept of encouraging their children to put God first in their lives.  This is not to say that earning a good income is not important.  And a college education may be the right path for them.  But the thinking must be God first, morality first, service first.  Instead of losing our virginity and becoming porn addicts, we are going to marry young.  If you won’t pay for college, fine.  You won’t pay for the wedding, so be it.  We need young people who will rise up and as respectfully as possible, tell their clueless Christian parents to “stick it!”  If Edward had the balls to tell his mother to “Stick it,” I’m sure he and I would’ve married young and given each other the gift of virginity on our wedding night.

Something to think about…

What say you? Can you put God first and pursue the things of the world? Is securing money, things and the cares of this life interfering with people getting married?

P.S. Aside from bumping into him at church sporadically, Edward and I never saw or spoke to each other again.  Many years later his name came up when I was on Google searching for an attorney.  Come back later this week to hear the details of that conversation and to find out why you must put God first in your dating life.  

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

diann April 16, 2013

I married young and I’m glad this didn’t happen to me. He wasn’t man enough and ultimately caved in to his parents. this is not about being young per se, this is about him being short sighted and not really knowing who or what he wanted.

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Charles April 16, 2013

When you reach college age it’s time to stand on your own two feet and choose your path e even if your parents don’t agree with it. Edward is what I’ll politely term a “Momma’s boy” and not a grown man. He lost out on a great relationship because he failed to follow Christ’s example and leave all others behind to pursue God’s will for his life, which might not have been his mother’s will. He chose his mother over Christ and he’s just one of a huge group of “adults” whose parents still control their lives in their 20s, 30s, 40s and even 50s.

As soon as I left home to go to college I decided to make my own decisions and in as much as possible be respectful to my parents but when push came to shove, I made my own decisions even if my parents didn’t agree. Yes, it’s come at a high cost at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Independence isn’t a bad thing but too often it’s viewed as rebellion. Call me a rebel and I’ll smile as I thank you for doing so, because I’d rather he an adult rebel than an obedient 40-year-old child.

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Yvonne Chase April 16, 2013

@Charles, I’ve seen both sides of the coin. I’ve seen the young person rebel against their parents and tell them to stick it when their parent suggested with validity and without any threats that they wait a little bit before marriage. I’ve seen that rebellion continue throughout their lives all they way down to how they choose to raise/not raise their children.

There’s a fine line between rebellion and making your own decisions. The “Why” differentiates between rebellion and independence.

I also agree with you that Edward was a “Mommas Boy” who didn’t have the courage to stand up to his mother. He chose her life instead of his life and paid a high price for it.

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Charles Melton April 16, 2013

Yvonne,
Great point on the subtle but important difference between rebellion and making your own decisions. Couldn’t agree more.

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Kita April 29, 2013

Interesting I married at 24 and we have been married for 8 years now. I met my hubs in college also and his sister kind of said the same thing only her words were I was to bougie for him he needed to find a “hood girl” he paid his family no attention and we married anyway. His family does not like me to this day but we are married and doing pretty good although we are from two different backgrounds. I say its all in the maturity of the person a man has to stand up for what he wants and whats important to him. If it was meant to be it would be.

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Yvonne Chase April 29, 2013

@Kita…You’re right…that wasn’t meant to be. The woman I am today needs a man who is mature and will stand up for what he wants and what is important to him. You’re better than I am. I couldn’t be married to a man whose family didn’t like me.

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