Why I Won’t Sign A Prenup

by Yvonne Chase on February 11, 2014

prenup Would You Sign A Prenup
The other day on Twitter, one of my followers @InTheMidstOfHer asked me if I would sign a prenup.  My answer was no.  Last night on The Arsenio Hall Show, Gabrielle Union told Arsenio that this time around, the difference between her first marriage and upcoming marriage to Dwyane Wade will be a prenup.  Here’s what she said;

For this marriage, the biggest difference between this marriage and the last marriage will be a prenup.  At my insistence!”  “When you have your own stuff you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s stuff.  So everyone should go into the relationship, knowing I’m here for you and you’re here for me and the truth is, I’ve never seen Dwyane balance a checkbook so I’ve got to protect my stuff.  Its the wave of the future, protecting your stuff.

No More Your Stuff And My Stuff
There’s too much of his stuff and her stuff in that conversation.  Marriage is our stuff.  There’s no more your stuff and my stuff.  We’re one! People say you have to protect your stuff in marriage because you just never know but here’s what I want to know, why would you marry someone you felt you had to protect your stuff from?

God Is My Source Not My Husband
The other argument is what happens if you get divorced and he takes everything? Here’s what I have to say about that, God took care of me before marriage, he will take care of me in marriage when I get married and he will continue to take care of me God forbid my marriage dissolves.  God is my source not my husband.  Furthermore, I don’t want to discuss my end when I should be focused on my beginning.

prenup

Something to think about…

What say you? Would you sing a prenup? Why? Why not? 

Here are two things I’d like you to do now:

1.  Leave a comment below

2.  Share this post if you like it

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

catherine gacad February 12, 2014

a prenup is insurance, and insurance is always a good thing. people change. and maybe right now it may seem like the perfect relationship, but let’s say your husband cheats on you 10-15 years down the line, then he walks away with half of your assets because he wants to leave you for his new lover. NO THANK YOU! what’s yours financially is yours, and what’s mine financially is mine. if i love a man, and he asked me to sign up a prenup, i’d be all for it, because i love him for him, not for his wealth.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 12, 2014

Insurance against what? No relationship is perfect. If he walks away with half my stuff, I doubt he’ll get very far. If I want to keep a “what’s mine is mine financially or otherwise mentality” then I don’t need to get married. That’s not marriage in my book. Everything goes into one pot when I get married. No more my stuff and your stuff. Marriage is two people becoming one in all areas.

Reply

Courtney @ Eat Pray Run DC February 15, 2014

I’m getting married in June and we are not signing a prenuptial agreement. I respect people that do, but we will not be doing so.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

Congrats on your wedding Courtney. Yea I respect those that see the need for a prenup. Its just not for me.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

Stephanie February 15, 2014

No way. It’s never even come up in conversation, and our wedding is in 4 months. We have a joint checking account, and he makes 3X what I make. He trusts me with “his” money, and I trust him with “mine.” I don’t have access to his savings account (he has around $60K saved) but if I need money for something, I simply ask him to transfer money into our checking account. We stopped looking at finances as “his” and “hers” a long time ago, because that’s no way to have a successful relationship. Especially when he’s stationed overseas and I’m a single mom here making $10/hour (reliably, that is, I have a side business but it’s not income I rely on).

Bottom line for me: If you can’t trust your partner with money, you are NOT ready to be married! That’s when you take your butts down to a premarital counselor, whether it’s one from the yellow pages or the pastor of your church. Marriage is a partnership, and that doesn’t end at the checkbook.

Thanks for sharing at SITSSharefest.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

YES Stephanie! I LOVE your comment; “If you can’t trust your partner with money, you are NOT ready to be married! Marriage is a partnership, and that doesn’t end at the checkbook.” Furthermore, if we can share our bodies freely with each other, why not our money?

Congratulations on your wedding! All the best to you and yours.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

Vikki @Cuteek February 15, 2014

Definitely not! I don’t see the point in signing a pre-nup, it’s like having an escape plan, which you won’t need if you know you are marrying the right person.
#sitsblogging

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

Vikki,

I don’t see the point of it either. If I can share my body and soul with you, I can share my money with you.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

Wendy@BlushandBarbells February 15, 2014

A pre-nup is a good way to make sure that everything is out in the open. I’m always astounded when someone tells me that she didn’t realize her new husband had $20K in credit card debt or a co-worker says he needs the OT because his wife decided she doesn’t want to work anymore. I think people are afraid to talk about money, but those people probably wouldn’t be considering a pre-nup anyway.

I wouldn’t bother with me because we already know about our individual assets and liabilities. I was pretty insistent that we discuss money a LOT before we started living together.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 15, 2014

Wendy,

I’m astounded when I hear things like that too. What that shows is a serious lack of communication and is an indicator that those two people probably shouldn’t marry. I mean what are couples talking about before marriage?

A detailed conversation about all aspects of money; how it will be made, saved, spent, invested etc should be at the top of the list of things we must talk about and understand before we walk down the aisle.

Reply

Samantha Angell February 16, 2014

I am also against signing a pre-nup personally (have had friends do it, and thats fine too). To me, its a sign of mistrust, and foreshadowing the end of something. Marriage in my eyes is supposed to be something you go into completely trusting your partner. I understand wanting to sign one if you are worried about your partner deciding they want a divorce ten years down the road and taking half…but if thats how you feel, you shouldn’t get married anyways! To me, a pre-nup is all about trust, and if you have one present in your marriage it shows distrust from the beginning.

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 16, 2014

Catherine up top said people change and I agree, they do however, I believe people give us indicators of how they will change. Like you said Samantha, if I’m worried my partner will want a divorce and take half, that is not someone I will marry.

Prenups don’t sit well with me at all. If I can share the most intimate part of who I am with you, a part I can never get back, why can’t I share my money and possessions; things I can replace?

Reply

AwesomelyOZ February 16, 2014

Totally agree with you there Yvonne – I wholeheartedly believe she said too much “my stuff,” I believe if you’re that afraid don’t do it. Marriage will just complicate things, have an unofficial ceremony and call it a day. One that is not legally binding, if that’s your fear. It should be ‘us’ and ‘ours’ not ‘yours’ and ‘mine.’ Great post Yvonne! Have a great one -Iva

Reply

Yvonne Chase February 16, 2014

Exactly Iva! That’s what marriage is; us and ours. If you’re not ready for that combination, don’t get married.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

Andrew November 17, 2014

Notice all the people that commented were women, no men at all. The fact is more than 70% of divorces are initiated by women. The vast majority of times it’s the man that gets creamed in divorce court and the majority of alimony payments are men giving to women. I will anticipate the response that “men cheat more”, sorry that has now been refuted. Studies show women cheat as much as men…so its 50\50. Ultimately marriage without a prenup is a gamble no man in his right mind would make. Only religious people shun prenups. Peace Out

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: