Its Not Working!
Last week my neighbor randomly poured his heart out to me about his marriage that’s not working then yesterday my dear friend and I had an in depth conversation about his marriage that’s not working and then today I read the current issue of Essence magazine where Nia Long says, Marriage is not a priority for me. I’ve never seen a marriage work, which makes me sad to say, and its not just residual stuff from my childhood, this is among my peers. Those reasons justify her not marrying her second sons’ baby daddy.
Behind Closed Doors
After having these conversations with my neighbor and friend then reading Nias’ thoughts, it made me ask myself, “Yvonne, have you ever seen a marriage work?” My clear answer is I don’t know. What works for someone else might not work for me. What someone calls a working marriage might look like utter dysfunction to me. I’ve seen marriages that look like they’re working but only God knows what’s happening behind closed doors.
As I listened to my neighbor and friend go on and on about their marriages not working, not for one second did I say, “I never want to be married” or “marriage doesn’t work. Marriage works. What doesn’t work are the people getting married. My neighbor and friend are ridiculously immature and that is why their marriages aren’t working. Here’s what my dear friend says about his marriage, “My wife should fulfill me in every area…physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.” My response was, “She’s a human being not God!”
It would be foolish of me to base my decision to marry/not marry on their marriages or the ones around me because they are not me and I am not them. Furthermore, saying you’ve never seen a marriage work is a lame excuse. It’s a crutch to hang out in the status quo. In the article, Nia goes on to say, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my father growing up and I’m sure I thought that didn’t affect my romantic relationships but I now know that it did. Marriage should be a priority for that reason alone. Why would you set your kids up to experience the same relational challenges you’ve experienced? Why would you not make it a priority to shield them from that and give them a better example?
As I sat outside reading the article and enjoying a beautiful breeze, I met a man who’s been married 28 years. We talked about the article at length and I shared the conversations I had with my neighbor and friend and asked his thoughts. He said, my wife and I have a great marriage because we work at it daily. Sure we’ve had challenges…its a part of this thing called life. Life doesn’t stop happening when you get married. Marriage works when you understand what it is and when you work it.
Here’s what I’d like to say in closing, while each of us has free will to live our lives as we choose, where kids are concerned, I believe a child deserves the benefit of coming into this world in a union of two people committed to each other in marriage.
Something to think about…
What say you…Have you seen marriage work? Has the divorce rate deterred you from marriage? Do the marriages around you inspire you to marry or remain single? Do we need another PSA to promote single motherhood? Chime in…