Today, we celebrate the life and legacy of the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. If you know anything about him, you know he was a man who faced great opposition yet spoke up and always stood up for truth and righteousness. When you come to this space, you’re usually reading my take on someone else’s life. Because of what Dr. King represents, I’m using this space today to share my truth. Dr. King would not sit or stand by and watch such injustice happen on his watch without speaking up about it so in the spirit of him, here’s my reality.
On 12/2/19, I moved back into my parents’ home to help my sister care for our 87-year-old father. When I told her my plans, she was happy and onboard. Little did I know I was being set up. The first two weeks were great. I spent every day waking up early to help him get dressed, brush his teeth, read the word and pray. I baked, cooked, made smoothies and specialty drinks and all was going well. At night I’d watch Jeopardy and Family Feud with him and every day we’d LOL at something or the other. It was great! I even put my Sonos speaker in the living room to play all the old gospel hymns he loves. My heart smiled each time I heard him sing along.
All of that went down the drain in week three when my dad began yelling at me for no reason and my days of spending time with him ended, as a matter of fact, he looks at me now like I’m the enemy and doesn’t reply when I greet him good morning, night, etc. P.S. he doesn’t have dementia.
Sometime last year while having my devotion, I ran across Matthew 10:36 which says, “A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” The meaning of it seems pretty straightforward, however, to be sure, I Googled it to see if there was a deeper meaning. There isn’t. It means exactly what it says, the people closest to you, those in your family can be your enemies.
In my Google search, I found an article titled A Man’s Enemies Will Be The Members Of His Own Family. That article led me to an article that asks, Are You The Family Scapegoat? I know what a scapegoat is, however, I knew nothing about what it meant within the context of a family unit. As I scrolled and read, I was overcome with emotion because every consonant and vowel of the article described my whole life. Some points from the article that really stood out to me are:
You are set up to get angry by these people and then when you react in normal anger to their abuse, they turn around and call you mentally ill and out of control etc. and any number of negative names they can place on you in response to your trying to defend yourself from their attacks.
Dove Christian Counseling
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve been called crazy by my family and how many times my mental health has been questioned. P.S. my mental health is fine and I’m far from crazy! So what is scapegoating within a family? According to the article, scapegoating is:
- A malicious activity perpetrated by an entire family or group where hostile feelings and blame are projected upon one targeted individual within the family or group. The targeted individual feels wrongly persecuted and receives misplaced anger and is accused of all the problems the family faces. They are judged guilty when they are completely innocent of the many fabricated charges and accusations aimed at them. Slander is involved with the intention of influencing others within the family to ostracize the scapegoated person.
- A practice of pathological lying. It is an insidious family pattern of putting the blame and shame on one family member which begins in childhood. This child is chosen by one parent or both parents to bear the brunt of the negative things that happen in family interactions. So that if a scene occurs, this child is made to take the blame for whatever happened even when they are completely innocent and it was another family member or members who were the real culprits.
- The family always makes this one child the bad guy and then lies about how things really happened. The scapegoated child’s actions are either lied about, exaggerated, completely made up, and the mother or father blames this child for everything that happened. Scapegoating is abuse.
What makes this even more impossible than it already is is the fact that none of my siblings; three brothers and one sister believe one word from me about the horrible situation I’ve been watching since 12/2. They don’t live here yet they take her side completely. Here’s more:
Every word in the above image is my experience. Since being here, I’ve taken pictures, recorded video and audio to protect myself just in case they decide to drum up a barrel of lies then call the cops on me again. Yes, you read that right. Two cops were called to our home three years ago. Thank God we didn’t all end up dead.
I shouldn’t have come back here, however, I’m glad I did and I’m gonna tell you why. When I came back to NY in 2014 and came to this house, I immediately felt something wasn’t right. Back then, I met with my pastor and I told him my parents are being brainwashed, manipulated, and controlled. I also told Susan, a Christian counselor who’s been counseling me through this entire saga. Turns out I was 100% correct. What she’s done to my father is no different than the level of brainwashing, mind control and manipulation R. Kelly did to those girls. It’s the evilest thing I’ve seen my whole life!
God knows my heart. He knows why I’m here. I’ll share that in a later post. He knows I came here with a pure heart and good intentions to help my father who by the way desperately needs my help. His posture is grossly compromised, his knee is bone on bone, his body is weak and he can’t do anything for himself.
But don’t cry for me Argentina. I don’t need your pity. I need your prayers. Here’s what I know for sure, you can’t break a woman who gets her strength from the Lord and that is why my relationship with God is the most important relationship in my entire life. I choose to believe every word my Heavenly Father says about me. Most women who come from families like mine end up abused, battered women in bad marriages usually to a narcissistic man. That’s not my story nor will it ever be, however, it’s the story of Patricia Jones, the woman who started Dove Christian counseling. She ended her first marriage and today, she is married to a wonderful Christian man.
I’m glad I’m still single because as I’ve written over the years about generational curses, behaviors, patterns and now this, I’ve taken the time to really look at what I come from and deal with it now so that I never have to take any of into a relationship or marriage. Gratitude is the beat of my heart today. So, if you are single, take this time to really look at you/what you come from and get whatever help you need to be the best person God created you to be. And never forget, what doesn’t kill you makes you strong.
Something to think about…
What say you? Have you ever heard of family scapegoating? Do you know anyone who is the family scapegoat?
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