The title of this post means you just found out something today that perhaps you should’ve known a long time ago. Google explains it this way; “It’s a meme/play on words to call themselves out for not knowing something. So, for me, I was today years old when I learned about narcissistic abuse, narcissistic families/how it looks when you’re raised in this type of family, and what it means to be a narcissistic psychopath. In healthy families, children are encouraged to be loving and close to each other. In narcissistic families, children are pitted against each other and taught competition. I grew up in a narcissistic family.
The last two weeks have been the best two weeks of my whole life because of these two words; revelation, and solution. Within the last two weeks, I began following IG accounts that speak about narcissistic abuse, narcissistic families, and all things narcissism. Click after click after click, I saw my life experience in each post.
Last week I attempted to do a 10-day fast, however, I only made it 24-hours. That was all I needed because, on day one, I landed on a YouTube channel hosted by a man who speaks directly about narcissistic abuse. This is his life’s work after he escaped it in his own family. He packed up his wife, two children, and moved five states away to get away from them and he’s never looked back. Imagine having to escape your own family! It’s the only way out of narcissistic abuse.
The best part about him is he’s a born-again Christian man that loves the Lord. Every Monday he leads a live Q&A chat and every Saturday he leads a live in-depth Bible study from the perspective of the toxic world as it is full of narcissists. He says it’s unlike any Bible teaching I have heard. I’ve attended one live session so far and I’ve watched the earlier recordings.
His latest study is about Good vs. Evil and the text is the story of two brothers; Cain and Abel found in Genesis 4. Cain was a narcissist; he wanted to be the center of attention. He wanted all the accolades. God had respect and regard for Abel and for his offering but for Cain and his offering, he had no respect or regard. That made Cain angry. Cain’s anger and resentment toward Abel led to murder. He killed his brother!
I don’t know about you but I’ve never heard anyone call Cain a narcissist yet if you understand narcissism and what it is then you know that’s exactly what he was. I’ve never heard biblical teaching about toxic behaviors and personality disorders, have you? Not from the pulpit or in a small group. He’s 100% right! His Bible-teaching is unlike anything I’ve ever heard and I can’t wait to hear more.
Unfortunately, the church doesn’t talk about toxic behaviors. It doesn’t talk about psychopaths and sociopaths even though these people are members of the congregation.
One of my Twitter followers shared a tweet that speaks to how pastors/churches deal with abuse. He said, “Stop using sermons of peace and forgiveness in order to manipulate the oppressed into accepting their oppression.” Spot on! Someone replied to his tweet with, “Amen! It is generally the biggest offenders of abuse and oppression that are the first to shout, “Seventy times seven.”
That’s why I agree with Diane Langberg, Ph.D. who says, “Given the impact of abuse on an individual life, on society and on the church, and given the frequency of its occurrence, it’s absolutely crucial that the church not be silent. Not only does God call us not to be silent, He calls His church to be a refuge and a place for hope and healing. Anything less is a failure to demonstrate his character in this world.”
So, what is narcissistic abuse? According to narcwise.com, “Narcissistic abuse is domestic violence. Domestic Violence is perpetrated through patterns of coercive and controlling behavior to maintain power within a relationship. While physical violence aims at harming us by bodily harm, mental and psychological violence aims at unsettling our very conscience; and attacking our internal weak spots, thus trying to break us from within.”
What is narcissism? According to Psychology Today, “Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for excessive admiration, and the belief that one is unique and deserving of special treatment.”
It goes on to speak specifically about narcissistic parents and some of the behaviors they engage in towards their children. Jealousy is one of those behaviors. It says, “Narcissistic parents are often jealous of their children—for narcissistic mothers, this is particularly the case when it comes to their daughters. They may see their daughters as more attractive, younger, and possibly having had an “easier” life than they have had.”
2020 has been a year of discovery. It’s been a good year! I’m grateful for this pandemic because, without it, I don’t know if I would’ve arrived at this place of clarity. My whole life, every part of it now makes sense. I understand everything that’s happened in my life within the context of my family and I understand why. Today, I am free!
Something to think about…
What say you? Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or know someone who has? What discoveries have you made about yourself/your life this year?
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